Friendship is NOT sexy 1
by Derpy and Jack write things
Summary: A clopfic with a protaganist that DOESN'T want to get jiggy with ponies! OH THE HORROR. Rated M for sexual themes, if you don't clop i can only insist so hard to tell you not to open this story and read it. Flame if you want, vent that anger! ( Psst!... chapter 5 was re-written! )
1. Fluttershy

My name is Isaac, and I live in a place called West Virginia, a place with a million people and 20 last names. There's more rusty shit and mountains than people or houses. But not where I live. I live in one of those developed neighborhoods in West Virginia, it's a nice place and the people aren't too pretentious. But that doesn't mean I have any friends. Nor does it help the fact that I like ponies. I mean I really like ponies, some would call it sentimental love others a freakish obsession. I for one called it "the family I wanted but I got fucked over with these peoples". And apparently like many bronies, I haven't a friend to call my own. Not on the web or in the mortal plain I call home. But I take comfort in my ponies, knowing their inability to judge serves wonders for my self esteem. Do I fantasize of ponies? Why yes I do, but hold the laughter for a second. I do not clop in any sense of the word. While I will glance at the occasional R34 for a quick chuckle, I refuse to clop. I don't mind cloppers- really I don't. But there is no way in hell you'll ever catch me doing something like that ever. Why? Because of one simple fact, they're too damn cute. When I think of Fluttershy, I think of the perfect pick me up and even better friend, but not a fuck buddy.

However, if you and I disagree, I can't say you're in the wrong. If others wish to do it then it is their own business and I hope it makes them truly happy. But sometimes I really must learn to just conform and not be so different.

It was a lonely, grey day in West Virginia. Same as most in the dead of winter, cold, rainy and very icey. The bus dropped me off at my stop, alone… again. My house was up on the mountain, the bad part being it was a bit of a hike to get up to it. And with my large load of homework it was going to be quite the enjoyable experience I could tell.

"Thanks god, love how you put everything in just the right way to make it impossible."

"You callin me out bro?" I heard the voice, deep and echoing off of some unknown wall in the distance. I stopped in my tracks and went deer eyed.

"Uh… depends. Am I finally losing my mind… or am I talking to god?"

"Depends, how fucked do you wanna get?"

"Wow, you're not a very nice god are you?"

"Read the Bible, I don't care much for sinners."

"Sinners? Then what are you doing with me? If anyone go bother my uncle Joe-bob in Boon County, he's been huffing glue since 93."

"Well, I've been very bored lately. I hate being bored."

"Gee god… need someone to talk to or something? I'd be happy to help."

"Actually yes, I'm going to make your day pretty wacky from now on."

"What?! WHY?!"

"Cuz ah caaaaaaaaan!"

And with that the infernal silence of everyday return, my long walk still before me. I shivered in fear, something really messed up was gonna happen. I didn't know when, but it was definitely gonna be beyond reason given the circumstances. I make the trek, the same dull trees and brown foliage being apparent and unchanged. I looked about carefully on my journey, trying to notice anything that could jump out and wreak havoc on me. Luckily I reached my front door, unlocking it without a problem. The house seemed innocuous enough, every item of notice placed in its correct place.

"Nothing stupidly dangerous over here… and nothing stupidly dangerous over there."

I deemed the situation nothing but a simple mental collapse on my part, and trust me I've been waiting for that. So I simply fell into a comfortable chair in front of my computer, and opened the lid to start my ever retarded pursuit of ponies. However, the supposed "Fucking with me" mentioned by god came about in a very… creative way. Twilight Sparkle spreading herself to me, the image frozen on my screen first made me want to laugh, then vomit, then scream. I didn't have a break down, this was real.

"Okay god…. Very funny. But can I have my computer back? I need to-"

"Search up more ponies?"

"How is that your business?"

"Are you sassing me?"

"Perhaps… maybe if you relinquish my computer."

"About we try something else?"

"Will it involve me and my fixed computer?"

"Yes, but you must pass my challenge!"

"Oh no…"

"Go to your room, the challenge will begin when you arrive!" I really wanted to resist with every fiber of my being excepting this challenge, thinking it would definitely spell my doom.

"GO! Or else I will… turn you into a transsexual!"

"OH SHI- wait, pre-op or post-op?"

"SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN!"

"OH SHIT!" Not a question, I was running to my room faster than all hell. Up the stairs, first door on the right revealed my normal, everyday room. Knee deep in clothes I need to pick up and pony merchandise. Nothing seemed different, dangerous or R34 themed… probably the worst scenario possible.

"I'm not seeing anything… are you still going to turn me into a-" In an instant my world turned to black, something striking me smartly in the back of the head. It remained black for all of 5 seconds before I began to regain feeling in my body.

"Uuugh… UUUUUUGH…" Every joint feel like dry plaster in my limbs, shattering at the slightest movement. My head's condition resembled that of an overused kickball's, the trees above me wouldn't cease their disorienting spinning.

"There, now I'm going back up to the plain of Oblivion."

"Oblivion is over rated!"

"BLASPHEMY!" A tree magically whipped me across the stomach in response.

"AAAAH! It's just… an… opinion…" I struggled for all of an hour before I finally clambered to my feet, unsteady and wounded.

"A forest? Why hack my computer with R34 then throw me in a forest?" Bewildered and injured, I trudged through the forest blindly. The entire thing resembled the forests in West Virginia as well as a monkey could Megan Fox… wait, bad analogy. You get the idea. It seemed to carry on forever, no clearing or hint of differing light other than the evening sun.

"This is incredible, just my luck a deity I don't even believe in comes to me-ME of all people on the fucking planet more gullible, and then throws me in the middle of a damn forest with no hope of finding my way out before dark… just my luck I swear." The forest dragged on for hours, nightfall now moving in to obscure the landscape.

"Fuck… I bet If I climb to the top of that tree I could see if I can find any civilization." I approached a tree covered in every direction with long, thick branches, low to the ground for easy access. I easily pulled myself up to the half way point of the tree, looking out into a dense, dark green. I spin in the tree to view in the other direction, viewing a clearing of some sort, buildings dotting the pasture.

"There's my shot, just get in, get a phone and leave." What normally proved to be an easy task, climbing the tree seemed to become an absolute chore on the down motion. The branches seeming to dodge my feet and smacking my face as I turned my back on them. The tree was indeed tall, and at the 10 feet mark a particularly vicious branch swatting my torso out of its abode, onto the rough, dark ground. The visceral sound of my own leg bones snapping became prevalent, the darkness of the forest floor at night eating me up into eternal obscurity.

"AAAAH! Fuckin hell!" For a while, I could do nothing but roll about the ground in bitter agony, seeing my right shin bent at a horrific horizontal angle.

"HEEEEELP! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!" But my cries seemed to meet not but the black wall of night that swallowed up the forest, reverberating around the place. Slowly but surely, I could feel my head become light, my pulse slowing in accordance. Rustling broke the disturbing night air, a weak voice illuminating my heart in its sweetness.

"Hello? Is anypony out here? Hello?" The voice was soft and subtle, an equally minute light ripping the blackness apart.

"YES! OVER HERE!" The strength to cry out was taken from within me, nothing but absolute, crippling pain left to drift away as well, leaving me with a powerful sleepy feeling. Soon enough, the blackness had done its job, and swallowed me whole in its embrace.

"Hello? …H-hello? Are you awake?" As if I the scenario was changed by a wayward blink, I found myself in the confines of a warm, hospitable environment. The soft voice of earlier speaking words like silk and gospel, commanding my attention. My eyes pried themselves open, the light about me not hurting my eyes in the least, but easing me into the subtle soft morning light that streamed through the tiny window of the room. The setting reminded me, oddly enough, of Fluttershy's home in the show My little pony. The house being warm, cozy and… oh dear god no.

"It's eyes are open… but it's not responding." Slowly I peer to my left, viewing the one thing I know that could possibly do this, Fluttershy. So, like any logical and sane person, I did the first thing that came to mind to ease the situation.

"AAAAAAAAAAH!" Maybe not. She jumped into the air, beating her yellow wings to stay afloat. Quickly I searched about the room, confirming it to be Fluttershy's home. She cowered in the upper corner of the room, eyes wide and breathing heavily.

"What is this?!"

"What?! Is something wrong?!" She flapped closer, holding her hooves to her mouth. I simply stare at her, because to be quaint. I'm sitting in a bed being taken care of by a brightly colored winged pony. None the less, Fluttershy.

"Tell me what's wrong, I can try to see if I can help you." Her voice was soft and calm, contradicting my loud, rough voice. Her eyes mixed with her voice, creating some sort of warming feeling in my chest. Her look was as if she was already using the stare, causing me to shrink back into my new found bed.

"Is… is your name… Fluttershy?"

"H-how did you know?" She came back to the ground, moving back away from me.

"_Okay, don't be a brony in every other EIH fic ever written, play dumb."_

"Uuuuuuh… you remind me a lot of a… "Fluttershy"."

"There's another pony named Fluttershy?"

"… Yes"

"You're obviously not a pony… where did you come from? You obviously know some ponies outside of here."

"Um… er… I'm… a human." A horrifically confused cracked her face, obviously never being aware of such a term.

"I've never heard of humans… are you from around here?" I wondered what to tell her, I didn't want to pull the same stupid shit they do in the clopfics.

"I'm from… Trottinghaaaaaam…"

"Trottingham? I haven't read anything in the past while about humans in Trottingham."

"I wouldn't think, I'm not that young." Her ears perked up to the notion of learning about me in something.

"Really? How old are you? What's your name? Where'd you learn to talk? Do you have other human friends?" She inched closer and closer with every word, her nose almost booping mine.

"Uh… let me run a question marathon here, 17, Isaac, I learned to talk through the magic of magic and no. I have no friends… unless you can I, me and myself."

"No friends? How can you have no friends? Don't you get lonely?" She rubbed her hooves together nervously, flapping ominously close to me. I backed up in the bed away from her, not wanting to solicit something terrible.

"It's… lonely yes but… you get used to it guess."

"Oh how awful! I can't imagine not having anypony to care about me." She touched a hoof to my chest, rubbing my chest gently for comfort. I could only stare and blush at her strangely soft touch, recoiling only in the slightest.

"I appreciate it really, but it's not a problem. I've gotten used to the fact." She only seemed to get some what closer, her eyes sympathetic and warm with emotion.

"Well, I could be your friend…" Her cheeks exploded with red, showing her true Fluttershy-ness. She smiled a with her tiny snoot, the sincerity hard not to fall in love with.

"Th-thanks… that mean a lot to me Fluttershy. You'd be so kind to take me into your home not knowing anything about me and treat me as your guest. I've never come across anybo-pony like you."

"I was the element of kindness for a reason." She landed on the ground with a soft clop of her hooves, she patted my chest softly through the warm, soft covers.

"Can I get you anything? Some soup, pillows? Maybe a little friend to cuddle up to."

"_Resist it, resist asking her."_

"Some soup sounds just dandy Fluttershy… but before you go, how long am I gonna be in the bed?"

"Won't be too long I promise, your leg isn't broken as bad as it looks. Maybe 2 days, 3 tops."

"Sounds reasonable. Thank you Fluttershy."

"I'll make sure your soup isn't too hot, don't wanna burn your mouth now." She walked off, rather slowly. Her hips seemed to actually swing as she walked away, her eyes met mine for a second with a blush burning her face.

"_No… no, no, no, no, no, no, no NOOOOOOOOOO! Why can't I ever have nice things?!" _I squirmed in the bed, trying to make a hasty escape and run for the hills before I do something I regret. I veered to the side, feeling a stabbing pain in my leg before I can even move it. Ripping off the warm covers, I exposed my own injury. My leg wasn't bent at the visceral angle it was before, but the cast was thin and stained red and grey. There was no way in hell I was gonna get out the door without her seeing me, and I was feeling kinda tired from my arrival.

"_Just bite the bullet, and avoid that plot like the plague." _I shift around in the bed, pulling the covers back up to my neck uncomfortably.

"_Wait a minute… these sheets… this frame… the window placeme- oh dear Lord help me." _ The surroundings confirmed it, but my mind wanted to deny it. She had placed me in her bed. No shirt, no jacket, no pants not even the decency to put my socks on. If she placed me in her bed, where did she sleep? Or worse, where is she GOING sleep? Thoughts raced through my mind of the most concerning situations, a clopfic unfolding with me as the lead… I can't have this happen. I made a promise to myself right then and there to resist her advances, to the death.

"Here comes the soup!" She flaps in, carrying a bowl of steamy red soup.

"I hope you like tomato Bisk, I made it just for you!" She lands at my side, placing the bowl on my stomach. I reached to grab the bowel, but she keeps it between her forehooves and grasps the spoon in her teeth. She looks up, a spoonful of soup presented to me.

"Ohen why!" She says, bearing her teeth with the spoon approaching my face.

"Uuuuuh… my leg is broken, not my back." She pressures on, her eyes half open with a sultry smile on her face. The spoon poked through my lips, leading the delicious soup into my mouth. Something must've turned red on my face, her eye lids only drooping more and smile getting bigger.

"You rike?"

"Mmmh hmm." I hum through the silverware, as she takes it from my mouth. She drops it in the bowel, licking her lips.

"Glad to see somepony enjoys my cooking."

"Please… stop… doing what you're doing."

"What do you mean?" She retracted into her normal nervousness, blushing heavily.

"Um… I seriously don't do ponies. I appreciate it but-"

"But what? Am I putting you off?" She struggled to get closer to my face, almost knocking over the soup.

"No, no, no! It's just that… I don't like ponies like… that."

"Well how can you be sure? Have you ever… done it with a pony before?"

"What? NO! That's not entirely what I meant!"

"Then you can't know! You haven't even tried it!"

"Just trust me Fluttershy… I really don't wanna be in this position!" She backed down, taking the soup in her hooves again.

"You still want the soup?" It was barely over a whisper, a shy, sad, defeated whisper. That kind of response that drives a person insane with grief. I love Fluttershy, honestly. She was always the pony I felt the most for. She wasn't my favorite (Sweetie Belle takes that accolade… oh god shouldn't have mentioned that)but she was the pony I felt the most feelings for. I never spoke a word at school, and shook like a leaf in any social confrontation that chose to beat me upside the head. You know, like every other Fluttershy fan out there that ever lived or ever will. Original.

"Yeah… it was real good soup." She takes the spoon in her teeth again, bringing another scoop to my lips.

"Can I please eat it myse-mmh!" She stuck the spoon in my mouth, regardless of my protests.

"You don't want… want me to feed you?" Fluttershy shrinkage commenced.

"I really don't… I don't wanna start anything that I might regret."

"But… I wasn't gonna fight you."

"Not fighting me, but hear me out. I appreciate the jest, I can't say that enough. But I. Don't. Like. Ponies." She let out a tense breath from her nose, looking down at the dish.

"Okay… I understand. I guess hoomans aren't used to ponies…" Before I could say anything, she rushed out of the room Fluttershy style. Feeling like a massive dick for literally doing fuck nothing, I pick up the soup and take spoonfuls of the red delicious liquid. A quick glance to the floor saw me a slight puddle. Little droplets of clear liquid sitting on the floor, and a wet spot on the verge of the sheets.

"It's good fucking soup." I say quietly, reassuring myself that this whole façade was just a horrible mistake and 3 days later I could be sprinting away from here and rid myself of this pony sexual tension. Not wanting to guess, none the less clean it up the fluids in the floor, I placed the now empty soup bowel on the nightstand and rolled over to face away from it. The soft sheets, comforting warmth and agonizing leg pain lulled me into some sort of pseudo sleep. Everything became distorted and the room would not cease its spinning, my head becoming more like a barbell on the end of my neck. Whatever was in my soup wasn't having a good affect on my stamina, and before I knew it I was asleep. Something irked me as my brain retardedly shut down, the fact that I still had a possibly human obsessed Fluttershy in the house and I was just going to sleep right in her house. Basically serving myself up on a silver platter for her weird, pony fantasies. I told her I didn't like ponies like that, so based on Fluttershy friend logic, she CAN'T try something. Unsure, I drift into my surely overpowering sleep.

"Angel bunny please! Just please keep out of mommy's room for just the night. Mommy has to do something… private… Angel! Get in your bed! I mean, if you want to, sorry to yell… please just make this easy on mommy… thank you sweetie. Mommy will still be here to take care of you in the morning. Good night angel." A soft voice stirred me in my sleep, probably just Mom trying to get the dog to sleep again. Then a soft flapping sound approaches, increasing slightly in volume steadily. Okay, now I don't have anything in my house that flaps… are my sleeping pills causing those side effects again? Something stirred the covers, displacing the warmth lying on me. Before my next thought could lazily plop into my head, something warm and soft squirmed against me, moving up my legs, torso, and then stopping at my chest. Soft fuzz gently hugged against my neck, silky strands of what seemed like hair worked onto my arm. Slight drafts of warm air pushed against my neck in what seemed like breaths, fuzzy somethings getting a grip round my arms and meeting on my back.

"He's bigger than he seems… warmer too."

"I'm awake." With that a terrific screaming noise ripped the quiet air wide open, scaring the absolute shit out of me and sending Fluttershy into a flapping frenzy in midair.

"OHMYGOSHSORRYSORRYSORRY!" She stuttered as I got my bearings in the almost pitch-black room, the air from her wings cooling my face.

"I'm so sorry! I thought you would get cold and the couch wasn't very comfortable to sleep on and I really think you're-"

"Whoa now Fluttershy! Let's just… calm down here."

"But you said you didn't like ponies like that and I thought I could just wake up really early and you're really soft and warm-"

"Fluttershy! Don't worry about it okay? If we just drop it now, and promise never to bring it up again, then I forgive you. Don't tear yourself up, I'll sleep on the couch if it's that uncomfortable."

"But that's just it… Isaac… I need to…" She trailed off, and inaudible sentence forming in the air.

"Fluttershy? Is there something we need to talk about?" She squirmed about in the air uncomfortably, rubbing her hooves together.

" Maybe we should talk about it over some midnight snacks… I need to…"

"Readjust the mood?"

"Something like that…" She gathered some of her animal friends, beavers in particular to help carry me into the living room. The beavers nicely seated me in a chair according to Fluttershy's order, while she brought out some small scones and some milk in a glass. Both items were set gently before me as she took her own seat, not looking anywhere near me.

"So, I guess if you're not willing to let this go, you might as well explain yourself. I've barely been here 24 hours and it seems you want to have… intimate relations with me." She shuffled around nervously, signaling the animals to hurry off.

"I… I really do…"

"Be honest now, why is this?"

"Well… when I brought you into the house yesterday… you were pretty badly hurt. You were just so helpless and venerable, I feel terrible about what I did."

"How? You saved my life Fluttershy! If anything I owe you it."

"That's the thing… when you were unconscious I … I ... "

"Come on now, no one ever got hurt from telling the truth." I placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder, a blush forming on her cheeks.

"I… took advantage of you. Please don't hate me! Please! I'm so sorry!"

"Took advantage of me? Wha… what do you mean?" She bit her lip, shuffling in her seat.

"I... put your thing… in my mouth." Immediately something in my the back of my head started screaming in terror and disgust, wanting to throw out any humanity and just get out of there. But he was far over shadowed by my sympathetic NPR side, saying "Go to her, comfort her in her time of need.". I hate both these guys.

"That's… not so bad. I mean, at least you told me right?"

"Well um… that's not… all I did."

"Say what now?"

"I… may have… held it in there for a little bit longer than I should have."

"_Fuck it, leave… why aren't you leaving? Wait? What are you doing?!"_

"I'm not angry Fluttershy, it's only natural to have these urges. But, maybe they'd be best spent on a nice stallion. You know, one of your own species?"

"_NO! Comforting leads to fucking! Don't you read clopfics?!"_

"Believe me when I say, I really can't be bothered by that considering what you've done for me." She cracked a tiny smile, putting a hoof to my hand and staring into my eyes with her half closed ones.

"No pony's ever tried to comfort me like that… or has ever thanked me this much."

"Fluttershy… there's no need to worry. We all get urges, and if things like this come up once in a while… well, it's still not a good idea. BUT, if we can atone for it… I guess it's not valid any longer." She stared intently in my eyes, smiling happily and breathing gently. I attempted to pull my hand away, but pressure from her hoof almost nailed it in place.

"I… I think I'm love with you Isaac." She said softly, barely enough to hit my ears. Her hoof rubbed my hand, as the other came up over the table to touch my cheek. Honestly, I was too stunned to try and evade her hoof's advances.

"What?"

"I think I… love you."

"Love, as in… like marriage or, that weird love where all they do it rut?"

"I can go either way…" She hovered in her position for a second, my wide eyed, "deer in the headlights" stare still meeting her "I'm gonna fuck your brains out" stare.

"I have… no response to that. Honestly." Suddenly she climbed onto the table with all four legs and looked down on me, her eyes pleading with their Fluttershyness. Her nose officially booped mine in the most uncomfortable pony related moment of my life.

"Please, just once tonight! I promise to never bring it up again or tell anypony! It'll be our little secret! Please?!" She breathed heavily in fear, the close contact of our noses becoming tighter and tighter until I couldn't even begin to breathe through my nose. Several conflicts tore through me, I had no intention of coming into her home and acting like an ass, but at the same time I have my morals god damn it! Whatever demon possessed me at the time drove me to this conclusion, regret pervading my thoughts before I could even say it.

"Just once?"

"Just once."

"… alright… but just once… tonight… for you." Her blush spread to her nose, the burning hot appendage taking a leer to one side to make room for her next action. She came in for a kiss, not a tongue filled kiss, but simply a nervous, timid, pleasant kiss. I defiantly was not expecting such, but when trying to recoil her arms imprisoned my head in a death grip. She moaned into my mouth, the vibrations running down my neck and jaw as I squirmed under the odd sensation. Her little butter colored body pushed my chair back, seating her rump in my lap. My hands being vacated from the table, I let them float in the air as her ministrations continued. Her mouth nomed on my lips, the intensity of the kiss picking up as her tongue plunged into my mouth, a cascade of her own saliva rushing into my mouth. The taste is nothing like they'd have you believe in those fics, if anything it tastes kinda bad if you're not really into it. Like a watery mix of… spit. It tastes like spit. For Fluttershy however, this wasn't enough. She pulled her head back, licking my lips over own spittle.

"Thank you… I promise I would disappoint."

"Not my concern…" My wide eyed look didn't cease, it causing her to giggle a little. My arms were getting tired floating in mid air out of complete surprise, so they decided to take refuge of her back. If I know I'm going to fuck her, might as well put some effort into it. Her wings twitched under my hands, slowly opening up and pushing against my hands.

"Oh… you know about Pegasus wings don't you?"

"Wait what?"

"Just keep touching them… it feels amazing." She pressed her fore head to mine, sighing contently as her wings dragged my hands upwards with them. No erection yet, thank god. Something wet and hot dribbled fluid on my exposed thigh, soaking the lower part of my underwear.

"Getting… excited?" A lump in my throat wanted to jump out and induce vomit, but her adorable, soft head rubbed against my face in some sort of repressed passion stopped me as she moved her arms to my neck and rubbed her… Fluttershy parts on my naked thigh.

"Uh-huh… you're getting me really hot." She pressed her lips into mine once again, her tongue playing with my relatively inactive one in our mouths. Drool seeped out from between our lips, Fluttershy giggling girlishly in my mouth. My hands went back down to her wings base, simply resting on them. With such movement and contact she squeaked in my mouth, biting a little on my lip.

"Please… rub my wings. Your hooves are amazing." Her… marehood leaked more fluids onto my leg, some dripping onto the floor with a tiny "plap". The animals were now in hiding, some peaking and others just now scurrying away into little holes about the house. My hands gripped her wings reluctantly, giving them a very slight squeeze. She squealed in appreciation, happily dumping more of her juice onto my good underwear and thigh.

"Should we… take this into the bed room?" She asked in a sultry tone, her marehood twitching against my thigh disgustingly. I wanted only to prolong this, or if available drop the idea entirely. But I suck at being confrontational… at least to Fluttershy.

"Uh… why not?" She squeed happily, tightening her grip round my neck.

"Carry me?" Her hind legs twitched and kicked in excitement, her wings flapping at the tips. My hands slowly, slowly moved down to her rear, intertwining my fingers to make her a little seat. Quickly she lifted herself up and sat back down in my hands, the soft, warm flesh molding to the shape of my hands. Her plot was surprisingly bigger than it seemed, not chubby by any means, but healthier than say Rainbow Dash or Applejack. I guess it only serves to logic, she's a vet, not a- WHY AM I PUTTING SO MUCH THOUGHT INTO THIS? I stood up on one leg painfully, limping back to the room shakily.

"Oh my, I completely forgot about your leg! I got so into the moment, let me get the beavers!"

"No, no… it's fine! I can… try to carry you the 3 yards to the bed." I took the pain as a punishment for doing this, somewhat feeling like I paid for my foolishness. Could've just told her no, could've just left, could've just gone to church and not pissed off god! But, my thoughts were interrupted by her flopping into the bed, nervously patting the area next to her.

"Lay down on your back… don't wanna hurt that leg now."

"_No… Isaac think about it. You have a Mom… stop getting in the bed!"_ I crawl over the foot board, dragging my stiff leg over it and taking position next to. She stares at my almost naked body, rubbing it with a surprisingly soft hoof. I'm not fat, nor am I well built. If anything I'm kind of a stick, my arms are under developed compared to my large track legs, not very attractive to any humans.

"Did you eat well where you came from? Your ribs are showing through your skin."

"No… I'm just built like that."

"You've got a very pretty body Isaac." She trailed off looking at my underwear, her ears perking up.

"I know what that is…" She touched a hoof to my crotch, my back stiffening abruptly.

"Oh my! Are you that sensitive?"

"Well um… maybe. I don't clop… or masturbate at all."

"Really? I think I'd go crazy if I didn't pleasure myself at least once a month… so that means you've got a lot in store for me?" Holding back my disgust, one of my hands idiotically finds her plot with a light squeeze.

"It's all yours if you want it."

"Oh I intend to really make this one time count… I haven't done this in a while." She gripped the waist band in her teeth, skillfully pulling it down just enough to not be within her line of activity. Her eyes bulged at the appearance of my limp member, her mouth visibly watering.

"Still limp? We'll have to fix that." She pressed her nose against the shaft, taking in the scent as well as licking it rather gently. Immediately I wanted to pull her off and make it stop, not wanting to be blown by a horse, but as much as I hate to admit, Fluttershy has a really soft tongue. Her movements continued, her nose pressed against the hardening shaft with her tongue lovingly licking my length as her head moved up and down to cover the whole thing. Sadly, my boner over powered any reason or logic, as it normally does. Much to her content my member twitched under her nose, pushing against her face.

"Mmmh, that didn't take long… just as delicious as the first time." Her voice was becoming lower and quieter in that sexual tone, the darkness obscuring most of her face. Her tail flicked about, the very end brushing up against my nose. The base curled around my wrist, pulling slightly towards her dripping marehood. I reached over with a free hand to turn on the lamp, if I was going to do this I was going to at least try to do it well, and for that I needed light. The amber light illuminated the small room, her marehood shining in the thin light.

"Like what you see?" Her round cheeks rippled has she shivered in happiness, her flank hole and marehood revealed to me with no sense of shame or moderation. I couldn't in any sense verbally express yes, so I simply lied through a nod.

"Well then, why don't I bring it over there for you?" She stood up in to bed, straddling my face with her hind legs. Some of her juices dripped from her onto my face, I resisted wiping them off.

"You ready for some Fluttershy?"

"No." I grumbled under my breath. She shook her plot slightly in the air, her legs shaking in anticipation. My face turning a putrid shade of green, I nod again, opening my mouth with a mock smile. She sat on my face slowly, shaking and shifting slightly to work my deeper in. All my air was almost entirely cut off, the only air coming from between her folds, reeking of her areas.

"Comfortable? I know I am." I give thumbs up, closing my eyes in pain. I man up and stick out my tongue, finding her blistering marehood.

"_Oh my god IT GOT IN MY MOUTH!"_ Her juices percolated down into my mouth, the taste actually… not bad. Not like candy, but sweet and salty. Using this as some small motivation I drove on, licking between her cheeks. She resumed her nuzzle and lick treatment of my member, humming and giggling at my licks. Eventually, she wrapped the head of it in her tongue and pulled it into her mouth. Her soft, warm, wet mouth sucked on it lovingly, moaning around it. Her moaning sent vibrations of sick pleasure down my spine, causing me to shutter under her suffocating plot. Her tailed flicked about wildly, her wings beating cool air about the place. She shivered and fluctuated from my efforts, her sucking incrementally becoming stronger and stronger. My tongue was getting incredibly sore, having to work between her cheeks and folds to really get to her. She popped me out of her mouth, looking back at me.

"Please… I want you inside of me!" She rips herself from my mouth, the fresh air well appreciated as I gasped and clawed for it. The happiness did not last long however, her quick turn about positioning her plot over my hip.

"Ooooooh… no." She came down and rubbed her wetness over my member, moaning and licking my neck in a hot, wet passion. Her hips bucked against mine, squeezing our genitals together in this tight embrace she wouldn't break. Her hips came up, giving me room to… put it in.

"Don't be shy… I'm ready."

"And that's the problem." I muttered under my breath, reluctantly grabbing myself and standing it up to touch her opening. The feeling of my member on her marehood immediately brought some sort of humanity to me, realizing in a literal sense how fucking dumb this was. Even if I wanted to stop, she wouldn't have had it, she quickly crushed my hips with hers, burying me in her. She squealed in happiness, nuzzling my chest.

"Ooooh! You're so much bigger than you look."

"_Knowing this, I want to off myself." _She began to bounce up and down on me, almost feeling nothing down there because of the absurdity of the moment. Fluttershy however, seemed to be having a ball on her own accord, giggling, moaning and smiling the whole way down. So bad was my need to stop, it could only match the stabbing pain in my leg. Nothing except the waist was getting anything but a wiggle, while Fluttershy had herself a hoot.

"I'm getting close Isaac! Keep going!" I wasn't doing anything, but whatever. It's almost over. She came down particularly hard a certain time; feeling like my leg was shattering again while she happily squealed in the throes of love making, her juices squirting out from between our contact.

"OH SWEET CELESTIA!" She collapsed onto me, sighing happily and drooling onto my chest. She held herself in place, keeping me inside as I tried oh so hard to change the fact.

"You were amazing Isaac… I love you." She kissed my neck sweetly, laying the side of her head on the spot. I myself was recovering from mental trauma while she pulled the covers over us, the wet spots impossible to dodge. Her wings splayed out and embraced me with her arms, as she cooed to herself and drifted off to sleep. When I finally was able to except the fact that I was going to hell and just fucked Fluttershy, I realized her hold on me was tight enough to probably asphyxiate a small child. I squirmed around, trying to break free. But the amount it would take to break free would also be enough to wake her, meaning that my chances of escape would be eradicated entirely.

"_Wait it out, my leg will heal in 2 days. Maybe I can make it far enough in 1." _Terrible ideas are terrible ideas, but after what I had gone through, it seemed like an easy task to simply undertake. With a shattered mind, and a set plan, I drifted into an unsteady sleep, Fluttershy's warm breath and body lulling me like a baby in a cradle.


	2. Applejack

Morning sunlight opened burned the darkness away from my vision, the warmth of the sheets reviving my aching body. A quick view of surroundings reminded me of my sexual escapades of the previous night, Fluttershy strewn about on the bed rather lazily drooling. She breathed gently onto my face, her arms laying around under the covers not really gripping anything. Perfect escape route, I her limp body drooped around my splayed limbs without a care. Pushing and pulling her arms off of me, I slowly put my good leg on the floor, then the broken one. The pain barely eeked my balance, and the cast was easily torn off. A huge bruise painted my shin a ghastly purple, and my knee shook violently under the pressure of my body.

"Come on Isaac… baby steps." Carefully limping to the door, I made it out into the living room and searched for my clothes. Not in the kitchen, not in this random dresser, not under this bed. Very spot seemed exhausted, until I found a small laundry hamper hiding in the corner. Opening it, I found my dirty clothes surrounded by used animal beds and little animal sweaters. Quickly they were on me, and even more rapid was my progression out the front door into the misty, warm morning. The fog hung low to the ground, obscuring the familiar setting.

"_Okay, just get into Ponyville, find a mare that WON'T try to fuck my brains out, and get home… and maybe hug Sweetie Belle." _My incredibly painful, long trek began, the forest becoming smaller and smaller in submission to the fields surrounding me in their warm, open embrace. Strangely, not a pony crossed my path into the town, the fields being relieved of the dense fog by Celestia's powerful sun. My leg bit back with every step, but I ignored the pain in fear of being in another Clopfic and drudged on into the fading abyss. The loose dirt road followed a curvy path, leading me to a large hill dotted with trees.

"I don't recall Ponyville being on an incline… whatever gets me away from Sluttyshy I guess. The walk up the hill tore my shin to ribbons with pain, eventually leading to a large forest of large, round topped trees. The fog faded away, revealing as well a large red barn in the epicenter of this congregation of trees.

"This must be Sweet Apple Acres… maybe I could hide in the barn for the day and let my leg heal." It was still relatively early in the morning; I assumed the Apples were asleep. I creeped up to the farm, sneaking through the open window. The barn reeked of age and some sort of musty hay, the whole place filled with tools and differing hook ups to carts and plows. The first floor was almost completely covered in the old hay and loose dirt, nothing seemed useable for any sort of concealment. A ladder connected the two floors, the second floor stocked with high piles of hay. Quickly scurrying up the ladder I found a coffin like pit in the middle of four stacks of hey. A perfect little hole to climb into and hide. I carefully let myself down into the hole, the stabbing pain taking me down to my ass.

"Aaarg! Damn it! Oh my GOD this hurts!" After a good minute of writhing in pain, I was able to pull a good cover of musty, hot hay over me to disguise my shape. For hours I lay there, sweating under the dirty, smelly hay. Drifting in and out of sleep, I eventually came to hearing the Apple's voices, getting to work on the farm. I wasn't listening to what they were saying, just wanting my leg to heal up so I could high tail it out. But, I guess somethings just aren't meant to be.

"Applejack! Get some more fresh hay from up on the second floor! Them cows are a getting hungry!" The ladder creaked loudly, with the sound of rough hooves clopping against the old wood of the 2nd floor.

"Hold ya hooves Big Mac! Imma a bail or two!" Bails above me shook and dropped more of their awful cargo on me, waking me from my half sleep trance. Keeping silent, I looked up to see a bright orange blob grabbing a bale of hay and thus shortening my hiding hole. Obviously it must've been Applejack, her hat and voice easily recognizable. Using the falling hay to my advantage, I shuffled to spread out my cover, more evenly covering my body.

"Wha- darn it! Dropped ma hat!" A brown sun hat fluttered down onto my face, fear striking my heart with fear like nothing else I've seen. Quickly she jumped down the structure to retrieve her cranial accessory, getting closer and closer to finding me.

"Well there ya are! Floppin off like tha-… what in tarnation?" She jumped down to me, landing on my bruised shin.

"AAAAH!" I tensed up, sending hay, pony and hat into the air.

"My leg! Oh my god my leg!"

"What the?! What in the hay are ya doin here?!" Quickly I covered her mouth with both hands, trying to silence her. She squirmed about uncomfortably, trying to buck me.

"Quiet! Please! I'm trying to hide in here!" She slapped my hands off her mouth, quickly retrieving her hat.

"Ah don't know what kinda monster you are, but there's no way in Equestria you're bummin in ma barn!"

"Please?! I need to hide in here just till tomorrow! After that, I promise I'll be out of here and never come back!"

"Hold on now! If you're hidin from something, ah don't want ya bringin it over here now!"

"It's okay! I'm hiding from… Fluttershy."

"Fluttershy? What are ya doin ta Fluttershy?!"

"No, no, no! It's really complicated I know! Just please let me stay up here for the night!"

"Why should ah?"

"Because… I have no reason, but trust me! I'm running away from something really worth running from!" She leered at me for a good 30 seconds, before touching a hoof to her chin.

"Fine… but on one condition."

"Name it and it's yours!"

"Work your share, and ya get your place ta stay. If ya go beyond the call ah duty, then ya get your dinner too."

"Really?"

"Element a honesty sugar cube. I figure them fancy hooves a yours be mighty useful!"

"Well, thank you miss… I appreciate the gesture."

"But, if ya try somethin, me and ma brother will be on ta like stink on a dead cow and send ya back ta Fluttershy." Her leer returned, burning into my very soul.

"Alright, alright! Please don't do that! I promise I won't … "try" anything. Can I get your name though?"

"Applejack, and ya'll?"

"Isaac… I'm a human from Trottingham."

"Good ta know, now what do ya say we climb on out of this musty hole and get ya ta work?"

"As long as you don't intend to kill me as soon as we get out." I reached the top first, throwing her a hand to help her out.

"Oh my… them fancy hooves a yours real… pretty lookin." She stared at my hands, going wide eye as I'd expect Lyra would.

"Um… thanks?" I threw a hand round her wrist a blush exploding across her face.

"Whoa now! That's feels real weird!" I pulled up to the top as she squirmed under my grip.

"Applejack?! What's taken ya so long?" She skittered up to a sitting position, kicking a bale down to the floor below.

"Sorry Mac! Got a little caught up in something!" She climbed down first, poking her head up before climbing all the way down.

"Ya'll just wait up here now, I'll introduce ya and… clear the air before ya go and spook Big Mac."

"You seem awfully trusting Applejack."

"If ya never have faith in somepony, ya never have faith in anypony." She winked at me, climbing down the latter to her brother.

"Mac, ah need ta show ya something."

"Find somethin interesting in the hay stack?"

"You could say that… now don't be freakin out, ah need ya ta stay calm and hear him out."

"Him?"

"Isaac? Ya'll can come on down now!" She called to me, Big Mac throwing a glance up to the 2nd floor. I poked my head out, Big Mac not changing his dull expression say for a raised eye brow. Sliding down the ladder and landing on my abused leg, I stumbled out into the open. Big Mac dropped his brow, returning to his normal countenance.

"Eeeyup."

"Oh didn't see that coming."

"So ya think ya can work with him just for the day Mac? He promised to be out by tomorrow." Big Mac looked to her, then to me, then back to her.

"Eeeyup." He turned back to his work, walking off to the orchard.

"Huh… that was easy." Applejack signaled me to follow her, trotting out of the barn.

"Now since ya got them hooves about ya, why don't ya git started bringin them apple baskets back to the barn after we buck em?"

"Might be a little slow with the hurt leg, but sounds reasonable enough."

"Just work your share, and ya git your bed for tonight free from Fluttershy. Ah promise." She and I made our way to the orchard, the trees blocking some of the emerging summer son. The heat about the place was building quickly, the Apples pulling baskets out of a cart.

"Set em under the trees Isaac, we buck em, and you take em back to the barn." The work was easy at first, circumscribing trees with wooden baskets and waiting till Mac or Applejack kicked the trees with a loud "thwack". When it came to carrying the baskets the devil began to poke his head through the details. My shin tore at my mind with its constant screaming of agony. The first two baskets reached the barn, I simply dumped them where it seemed other baskets of inventory had been left as well. I wanted to run back to the duo to catch up on the surely building shit I had to carry, but of course running became like cutting my own wrists with a spoon. I reached them of course, 10 more baskets resting next to the cart.

"Oh fuck me."

"C'mon boy! You want that bed ya gotta work for it!" Applejack said, whipping my ass with her freakishly painful tail. Both hands found my bottom in fear, repressed memories of high school locker rooms surfacing again. She giggled at my skittish retrieval of the baskets.

"Whoo look at him go! Runnin faster than a spooked bull being chased by a brandin iron!" I ran with the baskets, stopping at the door.

"Wait… what the hell was that about?!" My question was half of why I ran, other half why in the hell she smacked my ass. I threw the baskets on the ground once again and quickly came back to them, the pain void of meaning by now. The day dragged on for hours and hours of this, the heat only getting worse and worse. Eventually on one load I was sweating so much in my jacket that it was if I climbed into a hot shower in full clothing. My panting was a dead giveaway.

"You gettin hot over there?"

"Very much so yes." I said panting through the immense amount of sweat pouring from my forehead.

"Well ah reckon ya'll don't need those clothes ya'll insist so much on wearin, you can take it off if ya need to." Red flag, red flag coming up. While I knew this was probably going to go south faster than hell, I had to take her up on her offer. The sun was in the center of the sky, if I was gonna get through several more hours of this, there was no way in hell it was going to be in this jacket.

"C'mon now, don't be shy! All ponies are naked here, aint a problem if your only naked from the waist up."

"I was gonna keep the shirt on."

"Oh… are ya sure bout that? Awfully hot!"

"Yes… I'm very sure."

"Okay then… if that's what makes ya happy ah guess."

"Jesus Christ it's only been 3 hours."

Another good two hours passed with the rough working continuing without a hitch, at least 50 baskets of red apples being transported from me to the barn. Coming back to the orchard, I could hear off in the distance something like a scream, a shrill, abnormally loud scream.

"ISAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAC?!"

"Uh oh… I think she's looking for me." I made my way back to the Apples, having to go a little bit farther as they had done the same to get more apples out of the orchard. Big Mac and Applejack were arguing over something, the pile of baskets increasing only by 2 or 3. Whatever debate swung back and forth between them was pretty heated, Applejack shouting toward an angry Big Mac.

"Well who said ya can't do that with a human?!"

"The same pony who told ya it was wrong to do that with Wynona!"

"Well how bout we change that?! I like what ah see, it's ma right to pursue what make me happy!"

"Um… excuse me? I enjoy a good shouting as much as the next pony, but I got a bed to work for." Big Mac viciously threw me a glance, Applejack turning to face me entirely with a massive blush.

"Oh Isaac! Um… how long were ya standin there partner?"

"Long enough to know that whatever it was, it probably wasn't worth me getting in the middle of." She looked to the ground, laughing a little.

"Heh heh… well thank ya kindly. I apologies for that, awfully rude ta yell when ya got a guest." I grabbed 4 more baskets with my forearms, Applejack shuffling her hooves uncomfortably in the dirt.

"Not a problem, just get on with the day and I can be out of your hair."

"Yeah… can't wait for that." She trotted over to another tree as I turned about to bring the baskets back, but before any distance could be truly covered a sick thumping noise sounding out.

"AAAH! GOSH DARN IT AH MISSED!" I spun around in terror, the baskets dropping to the ground. Applejack lay on the ground, a visceral scrape running along her left thigh up to her cutie mark.

"Oh crap Applejack!" I rushed up to her, Big Mac meeting me there.

" Applejack what happened?"

"Ah missed the tree and grazed her! Ah think ah hurt something!" Blood leaked out of numerous tiny cuts on the scrape.

"You need any help? A band aid maybe?"

"No, no! All I need is ta get back to the barn and get some disinfectant!" She wobbly stood back up on her hooves, her left back one shaking rather violently.

"C'mon Isaac, pick up them baskets and get movin! Like ya said, ya got a bed to work for!" She limped on her leg towards the barn on the same path I followed with the baskets. Big Mac however stopped me with a strangely gripping hoof on my shirt tail.

"Ah don't know what idea she got in her mind about you… but I'd suggest ya watch yourself if you don't want something bad ta happen to ya."

"Whatever could you mean?"

"Ah mean, if ah catch ya so much as lookin at ma sister in a way ah I don't like… you gonna concerned with somethin much worse than Fluttershy."

"I shit thee not when I say you haven't a thing to worry about friend… I don't do these kinda things."

"It's not you ahm entirely worried about. Now get on back to work… and keep them eyes of ma sister!"

"No need to worry Mac! I've been down this road before and I learned me a thing or two." He returned to his work, a glared drilling into his stern face. Disregarding such, I made haste to catch up with Applejack, getting hold of my spoils to bring back to the farm. Surprisingly, Applejack was waiting for me at the half way mark, sitting on her rump. Her hat sat on the ground next to her, her ears flopped on her head and pained expression on her face.

"Applejack? What on ear-… Equestria are you doing here all by yourself?"

"Ma leg hurts too much… ah can't make it back to the barn." She looked up at me, eyes pleading for something. A quick inspection of her scrape couldn't bring any evidence of crippling injuries. If anything Applejack wouldn't be put down by such a small complication. None the less, she seemed content much content to sit there in her pain.

"Need some… help?" She peered up to me with her big green eyes with all the pity she could muster, and threw it in my face.

"Ah just need ya to maybe…"

"Carry you?"

"How'd ya know I was gonna ask that?"

"Sadly… I've been down this road before." I let the baskets down in front of her, leaning down to inspect her "crippling" wound.

"Doesn't look so bad… is the element of honesty trying to pull one on me?"

"What? Oh no of course not! Ma legs hurts and ah need help! How hard is that ta believe?"

"And here I was thinking you were tougher than that."

"Ah guess ya don't want that bed if ya'll wanna be disrespectful and all!"

"Alright, alright! Just… don't squirm while I'm doing this, might drop you." Her face lightened up significantly, laying down on her back for easy carrying. I worked one hand under her shoulder, the other at the base of her tail. Dangerously close to her plot. With one swift move I lifted her up into the air, she was much heavier than Fluttershy. Maybe it was just the fact that she was an earth pony and Fluttershy a Pegasus, but immediately she started squirming in my arms.

"Whoa! What are you doing?" Quickly she worked herself into a position that demanded my hand directly on her plot, her tail whisking back and forth between my arms.

"Ya'll weren't givin any support to ma rear!"

"I know! I was avoiding that!"

"Well if you're gonna cry bout holdin a mare's rear, than git up to the barn and ya'll and can put me down!"

"Great! Can't wait." She was getting awfully hostile, probably agitated at my refusal to recognize her advances. Sprinting as fast as I possibly could I carried her to the barn, almost laughing in glee when I broke the horizon.

"Alrighty then, think you can walk now?"

"Ah dunno, kinda like it up here. Nice view, gives me a break from all that workin."

"Don't push me Applejack, I've got half the nerve to drop you."

"And ah got half the nerve to send ya right back ta Fluttershy!"

"You wouldn't!"

"Oh ah would if ya gonna be nothing but disrespectful ta me!"

"Fine… where should I drop you in the barn?"

"Right where ya been putting the baskets, ahll head inside and git ta grabbin some disinfectant for ma scrape, and ya'll can just wait for me."

"Shouldn't I be getting back to work?"

"Naw, ah need ya for something before you go rushin off to work again."

"_You've gotta be kidding me."_

"Mind telling me what it is?"

"Let's just say, if ya get it done, I can guarantee ya not havin ta work for that bed anymore." The barn door remained open, no other pony crossing our path. The barn seemed completely abandoned of any ponies, I knew granny Smith was around, and Applebloom definitely.

"Where's the rest of your family, can't just you and Mac up here."

"Ma little sister Applebloom's at school, and Ma granny Smith's probably nappin or somethin like that." For naming where her family was, she was awfully quick about it. Almost like she was rushing to get to something else. Take a guess where this is going, I dare you. I took her into the barn, the baskets of apples catching her eyes.

"Done a nice job Isaac, that'll save us a tona work today." I let her down to the floor, as she stood up perfectly balanced and coordinated.

"Just take a seat on them there hay bale, and I'll bring what ah need ya ta do right out."

"Wait, you seem to be walking just fine."

"Still hurts!"

She trotted off with a funny limp through the barn door into the house part, me taking a defeated seat on the hay bale.

"This is bullshit right here."

"Having fun there?" A booming, echoing voice scared the shit out of me, not holding a physical entity in sight.

"Is that you god?"

"Yeah, it's me. Saw that 69ing with Fluttershy man. You're quite the playa aren't you?"

"See? This is why I don't go to church."

"Now, now, no need to be worried. I got something in store for you and Applejack."

"What? Are you gonna break her character more and have her lie more?"

"No… unless you count this as lying." Applejack burst forth from the door, a thing of disinfectant in her hoof. She trotted over to me normally and spat the cream, gel disinfectant stuff into my lap.

"Do me a solid and… apply it?"

"Apply it?" She looked back to her flank, the scrape barely crawling up to touch her cutie mark and leading all the way down to her ankle hoof thingy.

"Ah can't really reach back there so good with ma hooves, lend me one a yours?"

"_I think I'd rather eat the dirt we're surrounded by."_

"Uh… can't you get Big Mac or… anypony else to do it instead?" She smirked at me, taking off her hat.

"Come on now, how hard can it be for a stallion like you to apply gel to a mare's rear? Ah coulda sworn you were male."

"I am… but I have my morals darn it."

"Tell ya what, drop them morals just for tonight, and ya git your bed. With a little bit more work, ya git your dinner. Sound good?"

"Oh lord what have I started?"

"Now keep your chin high! I'm lettin ya off easy! Ya'll should be grateful ahm even letting ya sleep in a bed tonight." I sighed, her point pretty much hitting the nail on the head.

"Alright fine, I'll rub your ass, then I get back to work and nothing else happens okay?"

"Ah can't guarantee that, if you're good at it ah might feel tempted to… take it a bit farther."

"_Oh… didn't see that comin did ya?"_

"Just get up here and let's start."

"Now hold now, put some heart into it. Ah wanna make sure ya actually _earn_ the bed, not just nah, nah, nah your way through."

"What does this entail?" I ask hoping not to get an answer.

"Just do what ah tell ya, and you'll be golden sugar cube."

"_Oh god just kill me now"_

"No." Applejack reared up, as if about to kick me in the face. But instead she sat her plot right in my lap, her hind legs grasping my thighs together. Her tail rested between her plot and my stomach. Twitching a flicking in happiness.

"Now just dab it on there, don't wanna be all slimy." She giggled and shook her plot in my lap, my stomach screaming to let me puke. I picked up the little squeezy thing, squirting some of the thick liquid onto my finger tip. Looking down at the round orange thing laying in my lap, every muscle in my arm was resisting my movements. Not wanting to touch any pony's rear in this matter, knowing it was only going to get worse.

"Well c'mon now, don't be shy. Ah don't bite." Her voice came in a lusty tone, driving me mad with disgust. Finally my hand met her scrape, her cheeks shivering under my hand. Closing my eyes and biting my lip I started to gently rub the gel on her wound, Applejack for whatever reason flicking her tail in my face.

"You liken what ya see?"

"Already said no." I muttered under my breath, Applejack sighing in content rather than listening. Her tail had a mind of its own, rubbing against me and swishing about happily. Before I knew it, my finger was dry and her plot not near covered. Sadly squeezing more into my finger and going back in. Applejack pushed her plot back into me with her front legs, a determined look on her face.

"Don't be afraid ta use your whole hoof sugar cube, gonna be a long day if ya don't pick it up." With a knotted stomach I squeezed some disinfectant into my palm, gently rubbing it into her plot.

"The least ya can do is _look _at me while ya do it."

"Please don't make me…" Her hooves wrapped round my waist, pulling her butt into me even tighter.

"Alright Isaac, ah think that's quite enough. Time for you to get the real part. Off when them pants boy!"

"_FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK." _She pulled her thighs off, rubbing her tail between my legs.

"Please Applejack, can I do ANYthing else to get me bed?" She whipped me across me the face with her tail, turning about to face me.

"Well… I guess I can ask Fluttershy if she gotta bed…"

"You're mean!"

"And horny! Now get them pants off before ah go and fetch Fluttershy!" With a stern look back and forth between us I undid my fly, pulling my pants down.

"Oh my… nice and rounded." She poked the head with a dirty hoof, eyes almost bursting from her skull. She inched closer and closer to it, nose taking whiffs of air from my crotch.

"Mmmmmm… nice ahn musky." I covered my eyes with both hands, imagining something completely non-pony related doing this under much more pleasant circumstances. She licked at the flaccid tip, giggling and nibbling at it. Closing my eyes obviously did something, I was for some reason stiffening up in her mouth as she took in the head. She bobbed her head up and down slowly, booping her nose against my hip. Her tongue rubbed all over the bottom of the shaft, tickling the head occasionally. She pulled up to simply kiss the head, rolling her tongue in circles around it. In the void blackness I was seeing during the whole thing, I dunno what I was fantasizing about, but it was probably focusing on anything other than the pony below me.

"Mmmh, mighty tasty. Now it's time ta really get things started!" She turned around again, pointing her butt towards me.

"Mount up Isaac, we're goin for a ride!" I parted my fingers to gaze into her plot, boner almost completely killed. But I wanted that bed, my shin calling back with its familiar sting as I got off the bale onto my knees before her.

"Flank hole."

"What?"

"Not ma baby maker, ma flank hole." Shit. Fluttershy was pushing it, but Applejack anal is just too damn far.

"Um… are you sure about that?"

"You want that bed or not?" Hearing her reasoning, I looked down to her, putting my hands on her plot slowly and gently. With the sad, defeated face of a man who got caught beating off to ponies by his mother, I spit on her hole, and worst off, rubbed it.

"Oh my… that hoof a yours is just magic!" She pushed into my finger, pushing it in her.

"_Eeeeew… can't pull out!" _As much as I tried to remove my trapped finger, her cheeks contracted in a strangely powerful embrace around my knuckles.

"Ah! I like that! Keep goin!" She panted and closed her eyes, her hat falling off as she bucked back into my trapped hand. Almost breaking my finger, I pulled it out rather roughly, much to her discontent.

"Ah said keep goin! What ya'll doin back there?"

"Just give me a second and this will be over much faster." Grabbing myself, I… aligned myself with her opening.

"Put it in… slowly." She bucked back violently back, driving the head in. Holding back my immense amount of vomit, she moaned loudly, tail flicking up to curl around my neck. With much effort that I didn't want to put in, I started slowly pumping my hips back and forth, feeling the warmth of her bottom pull me in. Up until now my back had been perfectly straight, giving me a disgustingly detailed view of her plot. So to avoid absolute turn off, I bent down and wrapped my arms round her stomach, burying my face in between her should blades to obscure my vision. She was moaning and groaning rather loudly, something dripping onto my thighs and pulled down pants. Wanna guess what it is? Go to hell.

"Sweet Celestia! You feel amazing!" She gyrated her strong hips against me, twisting me in her. Her bucking became much stronger, beating my curved stomach half to death in an instant and slowing my progress. But she didn't seem to care as she drooled and lolled her tongue out of her mouth, her eyes half hooded in pleasure.

"Oh man that smarts." I muffled into her neck, feeling her butt beat my midsection to jelly.

"Ahm getting close! Hold on tight Isaac!" She barely got it out above a whisper, gasping for air under my ministrations to her rear. Her thighs squeezed together, her cheeks pulling me in deeper and deeper into her. She bucked back into me, hard enough to send me backwards into the hay bale. Applejack fell back onto me, kicking her legs in the air as her marehood shot streams of whatever you call it into the air. It dribbled down from between her legs onto me, soaking my pants.

"Damn it… those were my good pants." She sighed happily, shaking her tush a bit with me still buried in her.

"You were amazing Isaac… ah dare say you earned yourself more than a bed sugar cube." She pulled her butt into the air and freed me of her confines, laying herself back down on it. She seemed quite happy with herself, smiling and drooling lightly as if she was asleep, every now and again wiggling to get comfortable. She lay there for a good ten minutes before we both heard the sounds of hooves clopping against the hard wood of the house on the other side of the door, Applejack quickly springing to her hooves and grabbing her hat.

"Get up! Ah think Granny Smith heard us!"

"What in tarnation is goin on out there Applejack?! I thought you was workin in the orchard with Big Mac!"

"Uh, nothin Granny! Just wrangling this here cattle back to her pen!"

"And how does it feel amazin?" Her face turned deathly white, the door knob being turned by Granny.

"Shit!" I reached down and tore my pants back into place as the door swung open, Granny Smith standing in the frame of the door.

"What in tarnation is THAT?!"

"FUCK!" I stood up, trying to pull my pants back up as I got to my feet and ran faster than greased toward the door. Granny Smith for whatever reason pursued me with a switch in her teeth, whipping me painfully as I burst out into the evening sun.

"GO ON! GIT YA VERMIT!"

"Aaaah! I'm trying!" Her switch burned when I came in contact with my flesh, my pants only then being pulled up all the way.

"DON'T YA DARE COME BACK NOW! AHL SWITCH YA!" She whipped me across the back, sending me into a painfully sprint craze down the hill I came up earlier that morning, not even sure of where I was going. I kept running until I had actually came upon the verges of Ponyville, smashing into a house to stop myself entirely.

"God… damn it… can't… BREATHE." I collapsed to the ground in exhaustion, breathing as if I had been drowning not a moment ago. Slowly, I had my lungs back under my own control and was able to stand again. I finally noticed something missing.

"Aw man! I left my fucking Jacket!" I never left the house without my jacket, none the less left it somewhere.

"Damn it… that was my favorite jacket." Looking about the place, I saw it was defiantly going to get dark soon. Ponies would definitely be heading sometime, and I would have the perfect opportunity to skitter into an alley and hide. As I thought, many of the stands at the market were packing up for the night, ponies heading in doors.

"Alright, shouldn't be too long of a-"

"Are you okay… human?"

"FFFFFFUCK."

"Are you alone?! Do you need help?" I snapped to the source of the voice, covering my crotch with both hands.

"PLEASE DON'T RAPE ME!" Oh shit Lyra.

"What? Why would I do that? You've obviously had something very traumatizing happen to you! Please come inside you need to get out of the open before somepony sees you!" Lyra was standing on her porch looking out to me, using her magic to grab me by the hand and yank me towards her.

"What? But you don't even know me!"

"Doesn't matter, you're a human in need just like any pony would be. Now get in the house before some pony sees you!" She used her magic to full on lift me several feet off the ground and into her door, quickly slamming the door behind her and locking it with a padlock.

"Jebus I was gonna say yes!" I said rubbing my head flat on my ass on the floor. She rushed about the place in some sort of panic, closing every blind in the house and locking every door. I stood up, watching her every move. The last few mares I had the pleasure of sharing my company with hadn't been quite trustworthy, Lyra I couldn't even guess what sort of ideas were going through her head right now. She trotted up to me, looking back and forth in the house.

"Okay… just wanna make sure no pony sees you!"

"Why is that so important to you may I ask?"

"Well, I don't think many ponies know about humans, don't wanna scare somepony."

"Okay… I'm afraid but convinced."

"So what's your name human?"

"Isaac… and you?"

"Lyra, Lyra Heartstrings! Expert on human history and anthropology! Glad to make your acquaintance!" She threw me a hoof, smiling wider then a semi truck. I held her hoof in my hand and shook it.

"Isaac… thanks for taking me in Miss Heartstrings."

"Oh it wasn't a problem! I've never seen a real human before! The text book pictures are so much more different than the real thing!" She said it between giggles, as if it were an entirely different language all together. When I went to pull my hand away from our little shake, she placed another hoof on top of the hand.

"Wow… so this is what a "hand" really looks like… so bony and… flexible." She stared intently at my hand, me trying to pull away before she slobbered all over it… or did something even worse. ( Lyra X human cliché in 3… 2… 1… )

"I love them… your hands are beautiful!"

"Heh heh… well uh… thanks." I pulled my hand from her, her smile fading.

"Oh… sorry. Got a little carried away I guess." She quickly turned around and rushed into the kitchen, all I could do was follow her the short distance into the other room.

"Whatcha doing Lyra? Making dinner?"

"Yeah um… just need some help getting this one pan out."

"Really? Your magic not getting it?"

"Just… grab it and pull for me will ya?" The pan she was talking about was deeply lodged in a pile of other wares, only the silver handle visible. I grabbed the offending ware and braced the pile, giving a long steady pull. Before I could relieve the pan of its prison however, a turquoise arua surrounded it and yanked it out.

"What? I thought you said-" She brought the thing down on my skull, knocking most of the sense out of me.

"Bu bu… bu… bleh." She came down a second time, bringing on the inky blackness that first brought me to Fluttershy again.


	3. The Dash

Sometimes profanity seems so appropriate it hurts, but there also times where if I were to call out I would probably bring more mares with bad intentions. BUT… when you wake up in a back alley of Ponyville with your own shirt tied around your mouth, dirty words written all over you in sharpie, pants pulled down and shoes most likely stolen, a fuck here or there doesn't hurt.

"Fuck me… wait, no. Disregard that." Pulling my shirt out of my mouth and sitting up, something crinkled against my chest. Looking down I saw a piece of paper taped to me, stained by liquid. I pulled it off and groaned as I read it.

"_Dear Isaac,_

_The first thing you ought to know is that it's mating season here in Ponyville. Guess I should've told you that, but I have no regrets about what I did. Sorry for bashing you on the top of the head with the pan, I honestly thought I could get it in one bash but you know what they say, second time's the charm. To be honest I treated you nicely, laid you in a bed and put on some smooth jazz and rode you until my hip was bruised. You wouldn't finish, so I did in your mouth. You were a good ride, thanks for the rape._

_Sincerely, Lyra._

_P.S. If you wanna know where I am so you can get revenge on me, go to hell. Also I fixed your shin."_

"I fucking hate rape." I pulled my pants up and folded the note into my pocket. Standing up, I looked out the alley into the still dark town. Most of the lights about the place were out, only a few establishments still having anything going on. Slowly I slipped my shirt on and exited the dark confines of the alley, stealing into the night looking for a way out. Getting revenge on Lyra was far from my mind, glad I was at the least not conscience for it. I was already going to hell for what I've done, so looking for her might just double it according to her note.

"Hey bro, what you up to?" A large echoing voice tore through my ears, the familiar tone leading me to believe it was that fucker in the clouds again.

"What do you want? Can't you see I'm sneaking out of this fuck infested town?"

"Hey now, I said you had to complete my challenge and you'd get your computer back. Leaving Ponyville will only make it worse for you."

"Fuck you, I'm going."

"Adult dragon Spike rape."

"What?"

"Is exactly what will happen to you if you leave. I will summon that dude and he will bend you over the nearest flat surface I shit you not."

"I'm not scared, we're in season 3 damn it."

"OH IS THAT HOW YOU GONNA PLAY IT? Then how about this? This is right after "Griffon the brush off" and I've got half the mind to bring that 4 foot monster right to you."

"4 feet? I remember him being much taller."

"I wasn't talking about his height… in a sense. And you'll still be a fucked up transsexual."

"You know, I think I'd rather kill myself and go to hell."

"Trick question, this IS your hell."

"WHAT?!"

"Good luck bro, I've got some Deidra to slay!"

"Fine, see you later Sheogorath."

"Actually the names Brahma thank you."

"Huh, isn't that eye opening?" In my expert sneaking something appeared in a noteworthy way. A club with booming base and a sign in front.

"Non-ponies drink for free. Hmmm…" While I'm not old enough to drink on Earth, I figure that while I still have "momma's little fuck toy" written on my forehead, now might be the time to calm the spirits with some alcoholic bliss. Many species of absolute what the fuck stood outside of the club, chatting and sipping on some glasses of drink. Most were Griffons, some being zebras and what looked like sea ponies. Wanna know how they got there? Then fuck off. Carefully I moved towards the building, trying to look as nonchalant as possible. The patrons sitting outside paid no mind to me, barely throwing me a glance. The door was left open, propped open by a small chalk board with the words "specials" on it. Quickly scanning the board revealed nothing surprising, salads and soups for ponies, meat for griffons. "Scream me some more" blared at an ear shattering volume inside, calling me to it. I love Vinyl Scratch, this song being my absolute favorite. But my options were considered before making any brash decisions, the potential for pony rape probably being much lower in there then out in the open.

"Ugh… fuck it. I need alcohol." I stepped in, the place almost completely dark and filled to the brim with dancing creatures and ponies alike. The stage was covered by towering stereos, topped by Vinyl herself. She thumped her head up and down to the beat, the audience picking up ponies and sending Pegasui into the air in a flurry of motion. On the other side, behind a fence mind you, was the bar. A neon blue light lit the length of it, the floor lighting up with each step someone took. Calmly, and sort of walking to the beat of the deafening song I walked up to the bar, searching for an open seat. All of them seemed full, a blob of a body occupying it in the darkness. Finally one revealed its self, right next to a familiar rainbow tail.

'_Okay, mare, mane six, probably drunk, you're looking to get drunk… wait, we can make this work.' _I take a seat next to her, trying not to draw attention to myself. The bar was illuminated, and by some scientific bullshit I don't even care about the sound seemed to be dampened drastically, enough to hear conversations without ponies or griffons having to yell. The bartender was turned away from me, making someone a drink.

"Hey, can I get the most ridiculously powerful drink ya got?"

"A powerful drink you ask? For me it will be an easy task."

"Zecora?"

"Dangerous potions, I don't just brew. I do know my way around a cocktail or two."

" Huh, rhyming's not as good as I remember."

"Don't get smart with me, or bounced your ass will be."

"Fine, just… give me the strongest thing you got."

"I only have with me, this bottle of Everfree."

"On the rocks leave the bottle."

"Feeling fruity yes? Wanting to pick up some mares I guess?"

"Just bring me the drink and let me be on my way." With a bit of a frown the Zebra turned away, setting out to retrieve the drink.

"A whole bottle of Everfree? That's like, 95% alcohol." Rainbow Dash spoke up, sipping her drink through a tiny straw.

"Trust me, if you've been through what I have you'd need it." She inspected me quickly, raising an eyebrow.

"Something tells me you're not from around here."

"Trottingham… I'm sticking to that."

"Trottingham? Huh, only thing in Trottingham is that weird milk mare."

'Ick, belly tits… _get your god damn finger off that search bar.' _

"I'm just in town for a while, gonna leave tomorrow."

"Leave tomorrow? I would think you'd be recovering from a massive hang over."

"Then I'm walking out with a head ache!" Rainbow chuckled a bit, Zecora setting my bottle and shot glass on the table in front of me.

"Thanks Zebra."

"Wow, thought we were bros dude, can't believe you'd say something so rude."

"Lame rhyme Zecora."

"Douche." She turned about again, making her way to another patron of the bar. Now all I had was my drink, and my ice, my two best friends right now. Rainbow's ears perked up, me pouring a shot for myself.

"You gonna drink that whole thing on your own?"

"Maybe, if shit goes my way." I take a shot, the fowl liquid being even worse than I could imagine.

"Ugh… you lied to me!" Rainbow pushed her glass away, turning in her spinny chair to face me.

"Somethin bad happen?"

"How do you mean?"

"Well most ponies only ever buy Everfree to have a drinking contest, or kill themselves."

"That actually doesn't sound too bad right now… I haven't been in the best of luck as of late."

"Me neither, one of my oldest friends just turned on me today. I thought she was nice and cool… turns out it was only for me."

"Would it be that spooky griffon?"

"Yeah, how'd you know about that?"

"Let's just say, I get around a lot and read a lot." She shuffled in her seat, another shot being poured for my reluctant consumption.

"Mind um… sharing that?"

"Not at all, already feeling sick from the first one." She slid her glass over to me, being completely void of ice or liquid. I poured just enough to cover the bottom of the glass in a thin film of liquid, Rainbow somehow picking it up with her hoof.

"Here's to drinking durin hard times."

"Amen to that sister." We clinked our glasses, both of us taking a quick gulp of the almost pure alcohol.

"Whoo, that packs a punch huh?"

"Ick, it certainly wasn't worth what I paid."

"You mean nothing?"

"Hush you." I've never really drank anything alcoholic, maybe a sip or two of some dry vodka here and there, but this actually had a plan behind it.

"Yo Isaac, I see you getting hammered with the pony. Is that really weird thing about arbitrarily not having sex with ponies finally breaking?"

"No, I have a master plan dick nozzle."

"Really now?"

"Yeah, get black out drunk, have sex with rainbow dash during said drunkenness so I don't remember it, and then move on with my life as I would."

"Thanks, now it's my job to fuck it up."

"It's full proof, no way you can mess it up."

"You'll see dick mobile." Rainbow dinked her glass against my head, looking into my eyes.

"Hey buddy? You alright in there?"

"Wha? Oh, yeah. I'm fine." I pour her another shot, putting my glass down and tilting my head in its new found heaviness.

"So human, you got a name?"

"Isaac… I know you're name from the papers."

"Oh yeah, that sonic rainbow right?"

"Something like that."

"Well Isaac, you seem like you've been down on your luck, wanna talk about it?"

"Depends, is that ALL you want to do?"

"I'm guessing you've had mare troubles?" Something like a smile creeped across my face, my chest lightening in at her comment.

"How'd you guess?"

"Well, I'm not an egg head reader, but I'm not sure if every human has the same "Momma's little fuck toy" written on their foreheads." My eyes twitched, hand rushing to my forehead.

"Also I don't think "bitch" and "boy toy" are supposed to be written on their arms." I chuckled at her comment, looking to my forearms.

"Yeah… hasn't been the best week." She lightly punched me in the arm, taking a shot.

"Mmh, sucks man." I took a shot, feeling a little spinny already.

"Goodness gracious… this is some potent stuff."

"It's amazing we're still talking, or that you haven't passed out on the floor."

"Heh heh, you too Dash." She and I shared 2 more shots, both of us shaking back and forth in our seats.

"And so, get this! GOD, of all things, sent me here, to fuck mares! I don't even wanna fuck mares!"

"Hahahaha! What are you? Gay?!"

"I think I'd rather be!" She and I laughed at the incredibly unfunny pun, Zecora trotting up to us with a disgruntled look about her.

"You two are being rather loud, wouldn't you like to go dance with the gigantic crowd?"

"Wha… what did Africa horse just say?"

"I dunno… something about… rhyming."

"Africa horse! Learn to speak before you go… throwing your Yoda talk at me!" Zecora narrowed her eyes at us, walking away to the very margin of the table.

"She left me Dashie… I think she's mad at us."

"Naw man, she's just shy."

"Please don't say shy." Dashie and took one more shot, the overpowering nature of the alcohol making it hard to see straight or hear her.

"Dude… we need to stop drinking this before we do something we regret."

"Finally! A mare that agrees with me!" I push the bottle away, it flying over the other side of the bar and crashing to the floor.

"Ooops." I felt a warm tingling sensation around my shoulder, being yanked back out of the chair in the same breath.

"OH FUCK." I crashed to the floor, Dashie falling back onto my stomach. Two huge stallions stood over me, Zecora between them as the magic aura around their horns dissipated.

"Dashie… I think the African horse is mad at us…"

"Dude… your belly is so WHITE." The stallions didn't waste time asking Zecora or the manager, they grabbed us with their magic again and drug us through the crowd and up several flights of stairs I don't quite recall being there before. With bruised body and probably more vomit then I'm willing to admit, they threw us out into the street roughly. I landed straight on my face, Rainbow landing on my head.

"And don't come back!"

"Was it entirely vital to make those 8 flights f stairs out of magic?"

"It was funny wasn't it?"

"… yeah, I shouldn't doubt you Frank." They walked back in through the doors, Rainbow picking herself up rather unsteadily.

"Isaac… did we die?"

"I dunno, by now I'm just glad Fluttershy hasn't found me."

"Fluttershy's looking for you?"

"It's a long and… wet story." I rolled onto my back, sitting up to about her eye level. Looking about I saw that no pony or griffon occupied the area, the only sound coming from the repressed music of the club and Rainbow's stomach gurgling.

"You alright Dash? You sound kinda rumbly in the tumbly." She swayed side to side, face turning a sick shade of green. Before booze brain could conjugate a thought, Rainbow let out a torrent of puke onto my chest and pants.

"Aw sick man! I just had those… Applejacked!" She let it out, quickly surveying her misdeed.

"Heh heh… ya got stinky stuff on you." She giggled a bit, almost veering to her side while I tried to stand up.

"Dashie… I thought you were nice and stuff! … looks like My little Dashie was a FUCKIN lie too."

"Isaac… don't sweat it man. I'll take ya home and get ya washed up… if I can remember which way is up."

"That is… severely alarming." She lazily flapped her wings, bringing herself into the air above me. Her arms worked under mine to get a sufficient grip, the force of her flapping actually lifting me to my feet.

"Uh Dashie, I'm afraid of heights! Honestly I think I- OH NO!" She lifted me a meager foot off the ground, my brain processing it as a thousand.

"DASH! I'M GONNA FALL!"

"Oh shut up heavy!"

"I VANT MY SANDVICH!" She continued her labored lifting, eventually getting a good thirty feet into the air.

"I'm gonna die… I'm gonna fall and die an old lady!"

"Isaac! I can't find my house with you yelling about boning old ladies!" She flapped lazily and very much wobbly over to a mass of clouds, rainbow waterfalls crashing down into small reservoirs.

"Wait… I can't walk on clouds…"

"Don't worry, I had my whole house enchanted to so ponies could walk on it!"

"Huh… why doesn't anyone think of that?"

"Cuz, I'm awesome and thuper cereal cool." She hovered a good 10 feet over the front yard of the cloud house, her grip slipping.

"Dash? … DASH?! The only thing that scares me more than heights is falling! DASH?! You're still letting go!" She lurched right, sounding like she was ready to puke again.

"Well how else am I gonna get you down there?!"

"NOT dropping me!"

"That wouldn't work! It's science don't question it!" She let go, sending me falling in a silent terror to the surface of the cloud home. I hit the fluff of the ground, not bouncing or feeling any shock, just landing softly with a slight _foompf . _I sat there for a good few seconds, face snow white in terror and eyes wider than a freight train. Rainbow crashed next to me, burying her face into the cloud mass next to me.

"Come on buddy, we gotta get that nasty stuff off you pronto!" She lifted her head form the cloud, puffs of white sticking to her face. I wasn't moving, too far in shock to breathe.

"Oh come on ya big baby! It wasn't THAT far of a fall… Isaac?" She waved a hoof in front of my face, almost falling into the gap it left. She sighed, grabbing me by the sleeve of my shirt and pulling my along the surprisingly slippery cloud face. She pulled me with surprising strength, getting me through her door and into her amazing house.

"Woooow… Dashie you have a really nifty house!" The entire place was a sight of absolute awe, waterfalls of rainbow cascading down like outside, the room erected into a circular shape surrounded by clouds engraved with intricate ancient Greece style etchings. The area we were in at the moment had no doors or stairs what so ever, instead a ninety degree incline up to the top portion of the house where the tops of the door frames peaked over the railing. A kitchen like set up showed in this bottom portion, the sink, counter and fridge all carved from clouds.

"I know, I made it myself." She fell over onto her side, her legs kicking rather feebly.

"Ugh… you need to lose some weight tubby."

"Fuck you stripety thingy." We both found it impossible to stand up, Dashie rolling around the floor like and itchy dog. I came to the conclusion that the second the room stopped it's insolent spinning I could try, but until then I was trying to keep the smell of pony vomit form over powering my nose.

"You're plan worked like magic didn't it genius?"

"God… is that you?"

"Stop asking me that, now get up. This is boring and I'm almost out of popcorn and milkduds."

"I can't get up… I can't feel my legs."

"GET ON WITH IT." My legs move about themselves, kicking and trying to walk. They curled up and then spontaneously uncoiled to launch me to a standing position.

"Oh fuck I'm standing!" Dashie looked over to me, wings buzzing a little.

"Isaac help me up… the floor won't stop spinning." I wobbled over to her, bending down to scoop her up. Her legs kicked at my touch, not being used to the sensation. One of her legs kicked much harder than I expected, hitting me square in my abused stomach. Unfortunately, because of the putrid contents I had consumed, I immediately puked onto her belly.

"EEEEW! The heck man?!"

"Sorry… got kinda sick."

"Ugh… now I need a bath too."

"Well, how are we gonna get up to the bathroom?"

"Get me on my hooves, then I can try and fly up there." I moved a hand under her back, rolling her onto her hooves. She barely was able to stand, her ears flopping up and down involuntarily.

"Come on Isaac, let's get cleaned up." She flopped up into the air, barely getting a grip on my arms. She flapped her wings harder and harder, eventually lifting me off my feet.

"Down look down Isaac… I don't want puke on my floor." We ascended painfully slow, probably being bested by a turtle. On that note, Tank flew up to Rainbow's face. Tank gave her a very, very… VERY slow lick up the side of her face, her hold on me wobbling.

"Hey Tank… I gotta… take care of something before… I get to bed." She nuzzled him back, but continued to pull me up to the upper level. She floated over the floor, stopping her wings abruptly, sending us both to the ground.

"DASH!"

"Sorry, got tired."

"Just help me get in the bath Dash." She and I somehow flipped into the bathroom, the tub a simple square of clouds with a deep basin in the middle. I fell into it, Rainbow crawling in next to me.

"You bath in those clothes?"

"I'd rather."

"How weird would you have to be to bathe in clothes?"

"How stupid would I have to be to get in a tub naked with a mare?!"

"Oh come on sir fagula! How unattractive can I be to you?!"

"VERY!"

"Ugh, fine. We'll bathe in the clothes." She caned her neck and grabbed a dial in her teeth, cranking it to one side as water crashed through the nozzle. The water came down in a wash of cold as fuck. Rainbow laid under the water, letting it run through her fur in what looked like total bliss.

"Huh… don't wanna get my new boots wet." I untied my laces, pulling off my black boots and throwing them onto the floor with my socks.

"Okay, sufficient bathing attire." The water built up higher and higher, coming up to her tail base.

"Isaac, you sure you wanna bathe in clothes covered puke?" My ravaged mind ran through , looking for a certain file marked "plan". Sadly it seemed to be replaced with 4 pints of Everfree.

"Ya know what… not really." I removed the reeking clothes, my underwear remaining very much glued to me.

"Wuz that thing?"

"My underwear, it's gonna stay."

"Whatever man." I reached over and grabbed some sort of plastic bottle, assuming it was soap. I tried to squeeze some into my hand, mostly missing and getting it on my legs.

"Fuck…. fuck… fuuuuck." Several attempts turned into drunken slurs of frustration. Rainbow Dash got back onto her hooves when the water reached my stomach, trudging over to me unsteadily.

"Hey man… I'm not really up to touching puke... can you do it?"

"You can't even wash youself?"

"Naw, I just don't wanna."

"You're lazy."

"You're fat and pasty white."

"How bout this, I'll wash my barf off you, and you can get the stuff on me?"

"I can do that… I think." She grabbed a wash cloth in her hoof, me doing the same with one of my hands. Sloppily we smeared the soap against each other, me having a tough time getting off the sticky stuff from her fur. She poured soap on my bare chest, burping while she and I scrubbed each other. I moved up to her lower neck, Dash moving higher up and getting was on my neck. She pushed with her whole body, leaning into me.

"Darn it… you're too tall." She got closer and closer, sitting between my legs and rubbing my chin. I rubbed the wash cloth against her cheek, much to her discontent.

"Watch the face buddy! It's ma money maker!" She slopped her cloth into my face, sending me falling back in the tub.

"Ah! It's raping me!" I panic, throwing my arms on my face and tearing it off. It flopping to the floor with a loud splat.

"Darn it Isaac! Now I gotta get it!" She started to climb onto me, grabbing my shoulders and sliding up my body.

"Bwaaaaaaah it tickles." I slurred, Rainbow pulling her thighs up to my hip.

"Eep, I feel a warm spot."

"Aaaaaaaaaah yeaaaaaaaah." Rainbow moaned, her hips bucking into me.

"Dash? … DASH?! Why are you peeing on me?!" I slurred, arms weakly trying to push her off. She simply gripped harder, pulling herself flush with my body as the warm spot on my crotch moved up and down rapidly.

"Dash! I demand you stop!"

"When I'm done bwaaaaaaaah…" She buried her face in my shoulder, her hips kicking up a massive amount of water over the side in their crazy bucking and rubbing. My arms were caught between me and her, too weak to push the small horsey off of me. Her legs kicked about against the my sides, pulling down my underpants with her hooves.

"Isaac! Stop squirming so much!"

"Stop peeing on me!" My last line of protection was pulled down barely past hips, the warm spot becoming something more terrifying.

"OH MA GAWD!" Now I was really squirming against her, my brain finally processing something other than urine. Her grip stayed the same, defeating my struggle like I wasn't even trying. Water splashed over the edges and onto the floor noisily, the whole scenario filled with screaming, moaning and splashing. Her tongue touched to my neck, Rainbow bringing her hips up higher than expected once.

"Get, OFF ME!" I bucked up, drunkenly trying to flop her off. But, as if something was trying to fuck up my day, I heaved right into her.

"BWAAAAAAAH! THAT'S AMAZING!" Suddenly something changed, the room stopped spinning, my stomach unknotted, my mind could think straight with the loud ringing in my ears ceasing.

"God I'm going to kill you." To be short, I wasn't drunk anymore. That being said, Rainbow increased her wild humping smashing my already sore hips.

"AAAAAAAAAAAH! DASH! NO! BAD PONY! BAD!" My arms are still lodged under her heaving chest.

"No! Pony want!"

"NO! PONY FUCK OFF!"

"I heard fuck!" She bit my neck, almost drawing blood.

"AAAH! I DENY YOU SHE DEVIL!" She bucked roughly a few times, burying me in my entirety. She shoved me about in the tub, her heart beating in a fury of excitement against my arms.

"Isaac! Imma bout to… BOUT TO."

"DON'T YOU DARE!"

"Gonna do it!"

"NOOOOOOO-"

"AAAAAAND THAT'S THE DAAAAASH!" Suddenly there was an intense rushing of warm liquid from her choking embrace around my girth. She shivered and twitched, her wings flapping like mad on the water. She loosened up a bit, sighing in blissful content.

"Dayum Isaac… you ride better than a stallion for being so small."

"Small? … SMAAAAAAALL?!" I flung her off of me, sending her crashing against the opposite end of the tub.

"Watch it dude! The wings are sensitive!"

"NO! This isn't even funny anymore! Before it was just fuck the pony, get knocked out and get on with it! Now I'm getting ripped on for my fucking dick!"

"Gee man, I said you were a good ride."

"I DON'T WANNA HEAR THAT GOD DAMN IT!" My rage built up like an overflowing dam, my face quickly reddening.

"Heh heh… you look funny when you're angry Isaac!" She giggled in the tub, hiccupping and flopping her ears up and down lazily. As if by some drug, her adorable appearance soothed my fiery rage. The whole reason I enjoyed MLP was to calm me down, make me happy. And god damn it, no self respecting brony can argue with the Dash!

"Any more freak out left in you?"

"I… I ju- … damn it Dash! Stop being so cute so I can be mad!"

"No! I refuse funny monkey thing!" She rolled about in the tub, the water having soaked everything to the nth degree.

'_Okay, obviously shit hasn't been going good with Dash. I'm not sure if she wants to outright rape me, but I think it would do us all some good to just slow down a bit.'_

"Okay Dash, why don't I… put you to bed and we can discuss this like normal pony things?" She didn't respond as much as let out a huge burp, several bubbles floating up onto the surface from behind her.

"That's kinda sick, but I digress. Let's get you dried off." I grab a towel off of one shelves in the room, laying it out on the floor before reaching into the basin to retrieve her.

"We gonna do it in the bed too?"

"No, I'm putting you to bed and that will be the end of it."

"Oh come on Isaac! You know you can't resist the Dash!"

"Maybe for some light cuddling no, but I kid you not I hate rape."

"I liked it, it can't be rape!"

"I think we have a miscommunication." I laid her on the towel, rubbing it over her soft body. She barely resisted at all, derpily letting her eyes droop sleepily. I scrubbed delicately over her wings, not wanting to excite her again. Then finally I dried her flank and underside, Dash throwing some remarks in a slurred as hell fashion.

"I thought you didn't wanna buck!"

"Just drying Dash. Make this easy." Her tail swished about excitedly, brushing against my face and neck.

"Come on! Dash hasn't had some good ol TLC in a while!" I beg to differ miss bath tub rapist."

"Sheesh man you're a hard ass." The drying complete I threw the towel across the room, snapping my fingers to get her attention.

"Bed. Now."

"Who are you to tell me what I gotta do?"

"Dash!"

"Fine, fine! Just stop with the yelling for goodness sake!" She made her way out of the bathroom, me grabbing her leg.

"I mean go to your bedroom, not out the window."

"This IS where my bed room is!"

"Really? Cuz all I see is a thousand foot drop to the ground!"

"Isaac I know what I'm doing, mkay? I'm sure I can get to bed, and not have to have you yankin on me!" She tried to pull her back leg out of my hand, pulling freakishly hard. I wasn't expecting to let go anytime soon and the water on the floor only added to this calamity. She pulled me directly out of the window.

"DAAAAAAAASH!"

"Ooops… maybe I should try and save him! … meh, Dash tired" The wind beat me as I fell. Ripping through my hair and thin underwear.

"Told ya I'd fuck it up."

"This seems a little extreme!"

"Don't sweat it bro, you won't die maybe."

"Maybe?! But how will I finish the test if I die?!"

"Easy! You start all over!"

"SHIIIIIIIIIIT!" I spun wildly in the air, coming closer and closer to what looked like the Everfree forest.

"Oh no! He's putting me back at the beginning! He knows I'm gonna die!"

"Aaaaaaand BOOM goes the stick!" With such words uttered from the indefinite source, a large branch struck me in the forehead. The same blackness I'd seen many a time took over, shrouding my world in a welcomed darkness.

_**Author's squigglies: Thanks SOOOOOO much to all the reads and the depressingly small amount of reviews you guys! We got a thousand hits and FIM and over 100 likes! Sweet! But in the mean time, send sleeping pills. I've been going 3 hours a night for 3 months and I've just about LOST IT.**_


	4. Twiltlelight Spickle

"Isaac. Isaac wake up else your tea will get cold." I burst to a bright light, sitting in an uncomfortable chair with a thing of amber liquid in my hand. Looking down I saw myself covered in fancy clothing and white gloves, a tiny hat sitting on top of my head. Fluttershy, Applejack and Rainbow Dash all sat on a couch opposite to me, wearing similarly fancy clothing and holding steamy tea cups.

"Huh… this is an… interesting setting."

"It's your mind Isaac. Surprisingly blank." Fluttershy said, sipping from her drink.

"Oh. Did I die?"

"Not really."

"Not really?"

"Maybe minor brain damage, you might just loose all memory of your brother."

"Mkay… seems like something I can live with." I took a sip of my extremely bitter tea, the 3 mares sitting calmly and giving me normal looks.

"So um… Applejack do you still have my Jacket?"

"Indeed."

"Is there any way I can get it back?"

"Unfortunately not, I'm probably masturbating in it as we speak."

"Hm, I'm not sure I like that."

"Sorry partner. Not much ah can do as a figment of yer imagination."

"True, true. Also Dash may I ask you a question?"

"Go ahead."

"Why did you pee on me?"

"I had quite a bit to drink, I was holding it till I wasn't close enough to you where you wouldn't feel it. But I got stimulated and it just gushed out."

"Not your fault then I guess."

"I still find it funny I got to wiz on you."

"Don't push it missy." I sipped my tea again, shifting around in my seat to try and get comfortable.

"So… is there a way out of here?"

"There's a door, but Jesus said he wanted to talk to you before you left."

"Jesus?" A man in a tuxedo came from behind me, pulling up a seat next to the mares.

"Sorry I'm late guys, had a Westboro Baptist I had to send to hell." The man's hair was long, his beard scraggly and short.

"Sup bra?"

"Jesus?"

"Yeah man. Joint?" He said, holding out a small little white joint to me. In absolute disbelief I accepted, letting him spark me up.

"So I hear Dad's putting you through some weird stuff."

"Yeah… you could say that."

"I know what you're going through, but I can't really convince him to stop doing what's he doing. But, I have an offering for you to maybe help motivate you."

"Kay… please, humor me."

"I'll get valve to make half life 3 and I'll change season 3 of MLP to be good."

"But I liked season 3."

"Hush up now Isaac, I know what I'm doing here."

"I think I'm getting the short end of the stick here."

"Half life 3 dude, what more could you ask for?"

"But I don't play PC ga-"

"Well it's all I got, so just be glad I gave you that." He stood up, putting a hand to my shoulder.

"Come on now Isaac, you gotta a test to pass."

"But I'd rather smoke a joint here where it's nice and civilized."

"Isaac… seriously just make this easy." He pulled me up out of the chair, leading me into the white abyss that surrounded us.

"Uh maybe we can talk this over? Maybe I can just snuggle them really roughly?"

"Not my rules man, gotta do what the big man says." He led me through the whiteness, approaching a door with the word "reality" above it in red. He let go of me and stood at the door and opened it for me.

"Just take the door and the challenge will be resumed."

"Will I remember any of what I've just seen?"

"Yes. Plus you get to keep the hat!"

"But… I'll be bare ass naked except for my underwear if I don't get to keep the clothes."

"Holy crap kid, I didn't think it'd be so hard to get a teenager your age to go out and fuck some free pussy. Really man!"

"There's quite a difference between "pussy" and Applejack's ass!"

"Well, I'm no dirty ass clopper so it's not my problem. See ya bra." He shoved me through the door, me falling into a black abyss of anonymous. I couldn't scream for whatever reason, the wind tearing through my hair and jacket being surprisingly light and gentle. Then I felt as If I hit the ground face first, coming back into reality on the shore of a lake. I was on this lake, but I could barely see anything. It's like those scenes in call of duty where the character is about to die and all you hear is the sound of his labored breathing and heartbeat.

"I just found him here this morning. I couldn't tell what kind of pony he was, but his hooves all are silly looking."

"Looks like something struck him in the cranium, look at this wound." Something poked me in the head, exciting much pain out of it.

"Cranium? Oh I love that game!"

"No Derpy, I'm talking about his head! Look at the wound on his head!"

"Oh… I just assumed he had jam on his head."

"We better get this thing over to the library to see if we can bring him back."

"Wouldn't the hospital be better? They really nice ponies! They got my head out of the sewer pipe that one time!"

"I don't think the hospital would be much help to this… thing."

"How are we gonna get him to the tree place?"

"I'll use my magic, you can come if you want… but DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING!"

"No problem spook book pony! I got it!" Something warm and soft engulfed me, lifting me up into the air. All my muscles rejected every twitch and movement I tried to make, my inability to cry out leaving me only in a face of total pain. Because of it, I blacked out again. But, it wasn't 5 seconds of peace and quiet before I came back to my senses. Strapped onto a cold table looking up at a roof that looked like a cross section of a log.

"Spooky purple pony! It's eyes are moving!" A voice with a severe lisp cried out only a few feet away from me. My head, wrists and ankles were bolted tight to the table tight enough to prevent any sort of movement. I couldn't even turn my head to look away from the brutal light shining on my face.

"Note taken, pupils dilate according to light." A pencil scratched against a piece of paper somewhere out of view, Twilight's voice coming through to my ears. Something poked the side of my face, some pony's hot breath being blown into my ears.

"You think it can talk?"

"Maybe if you stop poking my damn face." I heard a gasp from both of them, a soft clop coming from their hooves run across the floor.

"Subject can talk… speaks equestrian."

"I'm from Trottingham… I don't mean any harm if that's why you put me in this thing."

"Seems to have a male voice… speaks through a mouth."

"Seriously, I'm getting kinda spooked being stuck on this table."

"How do we know you're not lying? How can we devise if you don't want to eat us?"

"I dunno, he looks kinda squishy and thin." Something poked my rips gently, Derpy's voice ripping my heart out in cuteness.

"Okay then, prove you don't want to eat us."

"Uuuuuuuuh… I'd seriously rather chew my fingers off then hurt a pony?"

"So?"

"Okay… how about I have a very special somepony?"

"That would explain the female ejaculate on your loin cloth. But not the immense amount of pony urine."

"Yeeeeaah… about that."

"How come on purple pony! He sounds nice enough! Also he's kinda cute! Like a puppy!"

"Yes yes! Listen to the mare!" There was a short pause, my eyes searching for a view of them but to no avail. Then a light pink aura of magic unhooked my head coupling, only the right hand restraint doing so as well.

"You can use your right hoof, and look around. But I still don't quite trust you."

"Well, what can I tell you to convince you I won't hurt you?"

"Nothing really." I threw her a look, seeing a rather bothered Twilight. Her mane was a mess, her horn shining from sweat and her fur matted round her chest and neck.

"Yeah, I figured just as much." She wrote some more things on her clip board, Derpy making her way right up to my face. She came up so close her nose pressed against mine, her left eye inspecting my face while the other the ceiling. She carefully examined every aspect of my face, my attempt to pull away from her only leading her to follow me.

"Uuuuuh… can I help you?"

"Your breath smells really bad! What did you eat?"

"Derpy! Get away from it! You don't whether or not it's going to try and bite!"

"He didn't try and bite me this time."

"True… but I still don't like the look of those teeth." She yanked my gums up from my teeth, taking a quick sketch.

"Ah! AAH! At urts!"

"Oh quit whining, I'm just taking a quick look! … Aaaaand there we go!" She let my mouth alone, my hand rushing to rub its aching friend. She took the paper off and laid it on a pile of paper at the least 2 feet tall.

"Quite a bit of notes you got there."

"I always take good notes Isaac, never miss a beat."

"Wait, how do you know my name?" She levitated my soaked, torn underwear in front of my face. The tag still had my name written on it in sharpie. A thought hit my mind immediately, my head snapping to look down to my crotch.

"Oh gosh! I'm naked strapped to a table!" She barely looked at me, actually slapping me across the face with the cloth.

"Ow! Why would you do that?!" I said, rubbing my cheek with my free hand. She simply looked back to me, blushing like crazy while her pupils shrunk.

"Just uh… stay quiet. I need concentration to look over these notes."

"Why DID you hit him purple thing?" Twilight blushed more, trying to look as if she was busy with her papers.

"I just need some quiet to go through my examinations!" She sorted through more paper in a very fake looking manner, obviously distracted by something. At the odd angle I was strapped I couldn't really look too far past her plot, which in this case turned out to be a terrible detail. I saw her marehood, dripping and winking back at me. Quickly my head snapped back to look away, only to see Derpy getting dangerously close to my genitals.

"Ooooooh! It's all small and deflated!"

"Derpy! Get away from that!" I said, swatting at her with my free arm.

"How do you know my name?!"

"That's not important! Just get away from that thing!"

"Why? Is it dangerous? Should we remove it? PURPLE PONY! HE'S NEED SOMETHING REMOVED!"

"NO!" I silently yelled, clasping a hand over her little snoot. She squirmed a little, trying to break my manic hold. I tried not to hurt her, being a massive Derpy fan.

"Derpy! I need you to hush, PLEASE!" She started to squirm less franticly, mainly trying to pull her snoot away.

"I promise I'm not gonna hurt you! Just please hear me out!" She stop her struggle, oddly plopping down on the floor with a loud crash.

"What's going on back there?!"

"Nothing Purple pony! Just poking the thingy!"

"Well don't poke the "thingy" too hard, I really want to get some samples to classify his species and send it off to Celestia." She turned back to her work, cataloging her findings and placing things into beakers and other things into whatchamajiggers. Derpy turned back to me, giving me a sympathetic look.

"What's the matter Isack?"

"Derpy, I need you to do me a huge favor." I whispered to her, my voice portraying my absolute fear and urgency.

"What is it? Do you need a muffin? Maybe some letters?"

"No, I need you to open the rest of these things holding me down!"

"Why? Purple pony's kinda mean but I'm sure she won't hurt you."

"You don't understand! I know something really bad is going to happen to me!"

"Like what?"

"She's going to ra-…. Just trust me. I've done this like three times already!" She gave me an absolutely bewildered look, wrinkling her snoot and crossing her eyes at an impossible angle.

"Three times?"

"Just undo these hooks and I PROMISE I won't try to eat you!"

"Well, how can I be sure you don't wanna gobble me up?"

"Derpy, I would never hurt you. From what I've read in the papers about the male services here, I couldn't possibly… admire you anymore."

"Admire?"

"I think you're pretty nifty Derpy, but please! Undo these latches and let me run out that door! I'm begging you!" I took her hoof in my hand, pleading her with my eyes as hard as I possibly could. Her eyes didn't even seem capable of focusing on anything that wasn't on the fucking ceiling, but her eye lids somehow formed into the correct way to show empathy.

"I'll… I'll see what I can do." My face immediately brightened up, my arm wrapping round her neck and hugging her against me.

"Aw thank you magnificent creature! I promise I'll find a way to pay you back!" She giggled and blushed, pulling away from me.

"Daw, well… it's really nothing I assure you heh heh!" She giggled in place for a while, blushing and crossing her eyes in every direction but the right one.

"Uuuh… Derpy? Now is always the best time for this kind of thing."

"Oh! Sorry! I I just got a little… distracted there." She giggled more, making her way down the brace on my right ankle. She inspected the item up and down, tilting her head this way and that. She seemed confused about something, like her eyes weren't quite dialed in to their correct settings.

"Huh… looks like you're stuck buddy!"

"Uh, yeah. That's why we had the little chat? Remember?!"

"Chat? …. Oh yeah!" She said, raising a hoof as if in a eureka moment. She put her mouth to the coupling, pulling and grunting in stress as the metal clamp no sign of surrendering to her efforts.

"Derpy! What did I tell you about eating things that aren't on a plate?!"

"It probably won't taste good and isn't good for Derpy's tummy?"

"Spit it out…. OUT YOUNG FILLY!" Derpy let he brace out of her mouth, a long trail of saliva following her mouth.

"Better, now if you could please step out for a moment I need to collect samples."

"Step out? Samples? Better?!" Derpy looked to me in fear, my own face turning pensive as her magic forced my right hand back into the brace. Twilight made a small magic disk thing to start pushing Derpy out by her plot. Derpy kept one of her eyes on me, reaching for me.

"Isaac! I'm sorry!"

"God damn it Derpy! Don't be sorry! Run!" Twilight forced her out the door, locking quicker than greased lightning and throwing the key across the room. Derpy scratched at the door much like a dog, Twilight pulling any shades down she had for her tiny windows. Derpy's muffled cries could be heard ominously outside, my struggling compounded by the thick metal of the braces. Twilight pressed her head to the door, as if she was bleeding tired form some sort of activity. If one gave her a glance it wouldn't be too farfetched actually. Her fur was shining from the sweat, her cheeks and face flush red. Her marehood unfortunately caught my eye, still winking and dripping back at me. She turned back to me with a sick smile, approaching me with her tail wagging. She came right up to my face, her tongue hanging out of her drooling mouth as she surveyed her helpless crop.

"Mmmh… now to collect my samples."

"Is this in the name of science?" I said, cracking a terrified grin much to her content.

"Well, once I have my samples… then we can get to the science part." She licked her lips, pulling up a clip board and a quill with her magic. She quickly looked over the list, her grin getting bigger and bigger as she descended down.

"Are you going to rape me?"

"Collect. Samples. Then rape you."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I HATE MY LITTLE PONY! I FUCKING HATE IT! EVERY CLOPPER CAN BURN IN HELL FOR ALL I CARE! I thrashed about like a mad man, pulling my wrists and chaffing the shit out of my ankles. She stepped back in surprise, quickly stepping back and giving me a good slap with my underwear.

"Now there won't be any of that while we get into this. Just comply and you might enjoy yourself. I won't be hurting you now." She said, running a hoof down my ferocious face. I badly wanted to bite her, but her cuteness kicked my rage straight in its balls. Her giant, half open but innocent eyes started to really drive deep into my conscience. Just the very look of ponies melts my heart, and even though this one's intentions were less than helpful to my situation.

"SPIKE! SPIKE HELP!"

"He's out with Rarity getting diamonds. He won't be back until late tonight. Until then…" She stuck her tongue out, licking my face from my jaw, into my eye socket and across my forehead. She let out a steady heavy breath as she did, her eyes closed in bliss.

"Weird sample there."

"First sample, oral sample." She said, checking her clip board up and scratching an item of with the quill. I gulped nervously, her gaze going to my lips.

"O-oral… sample?" She rammed her face into mine, connecting out lips in a sticky, dripping push. Her tongue rushed deeply into mine, her pony tongue disgustingly twice as large as mine. She pushed and pushed against my head like an animal, barely pausing to pull back not but a millimeter to catch her breath. She moaned and groaned into my mouth, growling at times even. Her saliva over powered everything else in my mouth, filling my senses with nothing but it's taste and texture as her tongue pushing almost into the back of my throat. I gagged a bit and sputtered from her wet and suffocating embrace, not being able to pull back because of the open brace behind my head. Finally, after almost 2 whole minutes of sucking on my tongue and slobbering all over my face she pulled back. A long string of thick drool connected us, her breath ragged and her cheeks fiery red.

"Oh my… that was amazing."

"Bleh bleh… bleh BLEH bleh… ubleh…" I said, her spittle coating everything on my face below my eyes and even some of my neck. She brought up the clip board, checking the next item off with a quill and smiling.

"Skin sample." She said simply, climbing onto the table. I watched in bewilderment and fear, my eyes wide and shocked.

"I thought you were going to rape me last."

"This isn't rape, it's science. And I BUCKING love science!" Her marehood leaking fluids onto my stomach, the plaps tickling and exciting more struggle from me. Twilight looked down on my thin rib filled chest, her eyes examining with surgeon like precision. Suddenly she collapsed onto me, knocking the air out of me and causing me to cough.

"Ugh! W-what the hell are you doing now?" I asked, shaking in the braces.

"Only collecting samples Isaac. No need to worry yourself." She said in a sultry tone, her marehood pressing against me in an almost blistering heat. I'm not kidding, it actually felt like a hot, fleshy iron was pressed into my belly. My initial jump shook her, her tail descending to rub on my firmly flaccid member.

"Please! I'll make it worth your while if you let me go! I can pay you! My hands are much bigger than Spike's! Plus I don't turn into a massive killing machine if I get stuff!" I begged, her hips only bucking against my belly.

"Okay then, let me rape you, and I'll let you go."

"FUCKIN TECHNICALITIES!" I screamed, Twilight only giggling and letting her tongue run across my chest and up to the base of my neck. She pulled back to put her mouth round one of my nipples, her marehood smearing back and forth against my belly button.

"Ah! That's a really weird place to be sucking!" I squirmed under extremely odd ministrations, her sucking only becoming more and more powerful as a grin cracked her snoot down the middle. She continued to suck and lick away, her marehood getting more and more wet with every thrust and rub. I squirmed and breathed heavily under her, panicking in every respect of the word. I tried not to heave into her, learning my lesson from "the Dash". But against my protest she continued her strangely passionate humping and sucking. She suddenly ripped her head off my chest, again leaving a fucking gallon of slobber on me.

"Ick, I'd think you of all ponies YOU would be neater about this kinda stuff!"

"Not when I'm in the height of Estrus… bitch." She barely said it above a giggly whisper, probably never have actually said it to another pony in her life. I scoffed at her, Twilight only giggling more.

"Twilight!"

"What?!"

"I thought you were a decent mare!"

"Hee hee! I guess not!"

"Aw! I'm am sorely SORELY disappointed!"

"Oh hush up Isaac! Don't pretend you didn't like it!"

"Okay, I won't. I didn't like that!"

"Well then! …. This is kinda awkward."

"Maybe you could just let me go?"

"Hm… nah. I kinda like how smooth and… big you are." She said, sliding down my midsection to touch my limp member with her burning genitals. By now, I only laughed.

"HA! Just TRY and get an erection out of me!" She gave me a "challenge accepted" look as her horn glowed, engulfing my member in pink. She giggled as something twitched and vibrated in my loins. She shifted to my left, directing my gaze with magic to look at my member. Guess what, erection magic. You called it man! Yeah nice job! Now go fuck yourself.

"I guess I win… and I want my prize." She said, standing on all fours and backing up.

"How bout some candy or something?! We could go by sugar cube corner if you like! Just please reconsider this before you do it!" She gave me an angry look, her clip board coming back to her face.

"I guess I can reconsider while I get my last 2 samples."

"Yes yes! More sticky fore play would be better than sitting on me!" Her grin spooked me, one of pure evil lust that the wacky hoo has in Planned Parenthood try to warn you of.

"3rd, rectal sample."

"Wait, WHAT NOW?!" She levitated a round cylindrical object from her desk over to hover above my stomach, my fear peaking.

"Twilight… I'll do anything for you not to get that any where my ass."

"Okay then, let me put it in you."

"That's a bit counter intuitive to what I was getting at."

"And?"

"Please?"

"Please what?"

"Please don't do what I'm thinking you're going to do."

"What? You don't like it there?"

"yes! How'd you guess?"

"I adlib with these kinds of things." She pulled my legs up higher with her magic, jumping to sit her rub between them on the table. She grinned and peered down on me, my vulnerable squirms doing nothing but fill her with more and more lust. She positioned it to touch me, freaking the absolute shit out of me.

"Bite the pillow! Cuz I'm goin in dry!"

"FUCK! I HAVE NO PILLOW!" She giggled, the sound of her spitting hitting my ears then a shear feeling of icky crawling up my spine as she pushed the smooth rod in gently.

"Ah- AAAH! What is WRONG with you?!"

"Science! It's totally legal if it's for science!"

"That's bullshit!" She pushed it in deeper, holding it for a few seconds before pulling it out again to restart the cycle. The sensation was horrific, the stretching and rubbing sending me into a new kind of panic. My mouth started biting my arm, trying to sever it to break free. My feeble efforts were defeated though, Twilight watching only an inch away as she continued her treatment. After an agonizing minute of this, she pulled the dildo thingy out of me. She looked over its shiny exterior, giving it a long and thoughtful lick.

"That's… that's really gross." She continued to lick up and down the length of it, smiling at the probably awful taste. The rod was dripping wet before she cast it to the side, reviewing her check board once more.

"Let's see… last sample… sperm sample." She looked down on my magically erect genitals, her eyes growing wider.

"Now we get to the rape." She said, climbing over me and positioning herself for contact. My heart raced with fear, my body not able to turn or wrench it's self far enough in one direction to get away. She only giggled at my attempts to escape, descending down onto the tip. Her burning hot marehood made contact with the head, stopping entirely. She held herself suspended like that for a good few seconds, only gyrating her hips about to rub the round tip around in her winking folds. I looked away as she slammed her hips down onto me, burying me in her and bashing my backside into the table. She groaned like she was dying, bouncing herself up and down in a frenzy of what seemed like repressed passion and lust. Her juices were absolutely coating my hip, visibly dripping from her contact onto the table. She kept herself upright with what seemed like much difficulty, swaying back and forth as she bounced like a maniac on my genitals.

"Oh Isaac! You feel so good inside! Mmmmmm!" She closed her eyes tightly, biting her lip and increasing her pace of bouncing. By now she was coming down with so much force that my hips buckled the thin metal on the table when she crashed down into them, the sound echoing throughout the enclosed space enough to make my ears ring. As per the usual, I wasn't getting hardly any feeling down there, most shocked and terrified that this was happening. Also turned off entirely by the rape aspect. So much so I couldn't even protest when she raised herself up off of me and brought her flank hole over my member.

"I've always wanted to try this. Applejack says it feel amazing." She pressed her much tighter bottom against the tip, taking in a heavy breath of excitement. Her eyes held a strange, kinda high but only so much where I feel loopy look, her surprisingly soft cheeks trailing down against me before I came into contact with her actual opening. She was going at an absolutely boring as fuck pace, hardly making it passed the head in a minute. But our both out lucks were changed when her hoof, heavy from her pressure and slick from the immense amount of liquid on the table slipped on her own fluids and sent her crashing down my full length. She plopped down onto my hips, her soft, rounder cheeks fitting snuggly between my legs. She let out a small eep, her eyes wider than mine as she froze entirely. She was concerning in her look, almost like someone… well jammed a lubed pole up her ass.

"Twilight? … Twilight you okay in there? Yoo who, Twilight… come on man this is kinda-" I was cut off when her marehood shot a jet of fluid straight into my face. Short as it was, my face was knocked back by it, most of it getting in my mouth. She started moaning and groan like she was riding me again, barely humping into me from her new position. I sputtered and gasped, the sweet, salty fluid being shoved down my throat by the pressure of her release.

"What the fuck was that?!"

"MAGIC!"

"Why would you do that with your magic?!"

"I don't know!" She continued to ride me with her soft, plushy flank, now actually pulling me out and then coming down. She eagerly leaned into me, placing her hooves on my stomach to support her now faster riding. Her much tighter caverns now constricted on my in a choke hold, something actually getting a little bit of a wiggle. Twilight's indifference was almost painfully obvious, her eyes not even focused on mine but rather her own marehood. She reached down with a hoof and began to rub herself, going on her second climax.

"Oh Sweet Celestia! You ride so good Isaac! You're amazing!"

"These aren't really the correct circumstances in which I wanna hear that!"

"Too bad!" Her marehood seemed to be gasping for air along with her, the immense amount of liquid pouring out onto me and squishing out onto her hoof. Her insides clenched on me erratically, signaling her oncoming squirt as she slowed down her pace. She barely raised herself beyond the base, her hoof almost punching her marehood.

"Isaac! I'm gonna… again!" I closed my eyes and mouth, turning my head to avoid her freakish spurt again. She finally let her hooves go out from her once again, throwing her head back and moaning loud enough to quiet Derpy's door scratching. Her juices shot with significantly less force, simply dripping out with only enough force to hit my belly button with napalm like jizz. She finally came forward once more and let her head onto my chest, pulling herself free of my member. She laid there in content, breathing easily and letting her tongue stick out a mere millimeter to taste me again. I looked up, my attitude taking a massive turn seeing she was spent entirely.

"Ha ha! Yes! It's finally over! I'm free!" She looked up at me with a clever look, as if she had beaten me in some overly complicated game.

"What makes you so sure I'm letting you go?"

"Uh… all the other mares did?"

"Oh no, you're not going anywhere Isaac. If anything you might make it to the door before I rip your legs off with magic."

"YOU ARE SICK PONY!"

"Close, if you count being in heat as being sick then you're right. I'll keep you strapped here till I'm out of heat, then you can be my second assistant until the time comes again."

"Oh much retard did your mother pour in your orange juice as a filly?"

"Oh please. You'll get used to it eventually." She giggled evilly, sliding off of me and trotting off to the stairs.

"Hey! You're just gonna leave me here?! Right where anybody can see if they walk in?!"

"Don't worry, after I take my bath I'll move you to my bed room to get back to it." She winked and turned away from me, making her way up the stairs and leaving a trail of liquid behind her as she went. I sulked against the table, my wrists surely broken and pulled from all my struggles.

"Is this where it all ends? Being made a slave to Twilight Sparkle? Starving to death on this table? Bleeding out when I eventually get cut on one of these things? I always imagined me dying in something like world war 3 in China or North Korea. At least that's what my dad wanted me to do… or maybe it was just the die part, he was never very good at what he did." Suddenly I heard grunting and stressing form outside. Derpy's voice came from outside, sound like she was stressing to do something.

"Oh my god is she masturbating to this?! God! Come on man this is Derpy we're talking about!"

"You're mind is getting corrupted, I'm simply advancing the story."

"Story? Wha- AW HELL NO! This isn't some shitty fic on fimfiction is it?!"

"Shitty? How bout 114 favorites as of 5/4/13?!"

"God! Who's been posting this shit?!"

"Me mostly, but hey! 90 likes on fim and 10 followers on ! Dude you're getting popular!"

"Oh please, like any human being anywhere now and forever would ever be into this shit."

"Okay that's quite enough 4rth wall jokes, time for shit to move forward." A rock crashed through one of the windows, a sweaty Derpy crawling through.

"Derpy?"

"Isaac?"

"Derpy?!"

"Isaac?!"

"DERPY!"

"Oh yeah! Lyra! Help me carry him!"

"Why did you do that? I thought we were just TPing the library- OH SHIT IT'S YOU!"

"Lyra?"

"Isaac?!"

"LYRA!"

"AW SHIT MAN!"

"Wait! Where are you going?!"

"Derpy quick before Twilight comes back down!" Derpy derpily galloped to the table, hopping up and slipping on the wet metal. She fell down belly first onto my belly, my still magically erect member touch her plot. Her and my eyes went freakishly wide, one of hers meeting mine.

"Uuuuuuuh… Derpy?"

"You got a third leg."

"Yeah, whatever. Can we um…"

"Right right. Let me just uh…"

"… sometime today would be fantastic to-"

"Sorry, the Derpy's a little rusty on this kinda thing."

"Put it in her big man! Make her a rear mare!"

"LYRA!"

"I'm not leavin till I see dat bubble butt get tapped!" Derpy squirmed off and unlatched the braces on my arms, letting my get the ones on my ankles. She jumped out the window, me sliding off the table and grabbing my undies before I stumbled out into public. I slipped the still damp things on, them getting wet once more from my abused genitals. I jumped through the window with Derpy, getting a vicious cut down the length of my forearm and one on my face. I crashed into a Spetsnaz roll, running like a fucking mad man with Derpy. Lyra trailed after us, her horn glowing and floating a marker after me.

"Isaac slow down! You lost all your ink bro!"

"Don't you DARE call me that!"

"It'll only take a second! I can do a dragon you like!" Derpy led me to a small house in the town, me and her sprinting past many ponies in the square and knocking over tables in sugar cube corner. Pinkie Pie didn't take too kindly to when we spilled her chocolate milk shake, her voice following Lyra.

"My SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE! You'll pay for this you- ooooooooh!" I looked back at her, about to apologize before I saw her pupils shrink drastically, almost to the point where they weren't visible.

"DERPY! PINKAMENA! LYRA!" She and I only went faster, her small house drawing her near it. Most of the houses looked exactly alike, hers being no different as we bashed the door open and slammed it shut. Lyra stopped outside, banging on the door.

"ISAAC! GET THAT SWEET ASS OUT HERE BEFORE I DRAG IT OUT! ISAAC?! Wait, Pinkie Pie? What do you want? I thought you were-… wait… what are you doing? Ah! AAAAAH!" Screaming rung out from inside, gradually dying down as the sound of dragging and spilling rung out. I pressed against the door, panting and breathing heavily as I slid down slowly. My hit the floor as Derpy collapsed into my lap, panting heavily.

"Isaac… what's wrong? We got away and Lyra didn't get you. I don't know why she wanted you, but you seemed pretty scared." My lip trembled and my eyes burned, something wet running down my cheek.

"Isaac? Are you crying?"

"Derpy… Lyra's dead… Pinkamena got her… and she saw me too."

"Pinkamena? You mean Pinkie Pie?"

"Derpy… I wanna go home. I wanna go home!" I sobbed quietly into my hands, Derpy standing up and nuzzling her snoot into my cheek. She threw her hooves round my neck in a soft, sympathetic hug.

"Hush now Isaac. You're safe with me. Let's get you into a bath tub and we can talk this over." I couldn't detect anything sketchy in her comforting, no sense of impending rape, no intentions of a fucking nature, just a hug between friends in a time of fear and uncertainty.

"Derpy… I want my mom."

"I can be your mommy till you get home… if you want me to." I looked her in the one eye that was looking to me, my heart turning into useless slush as my arms wrapped around her shoulders gently, pulling her into my embrace.

"I'd like that… I'd like that a lot."

_**Author's notes SPLURG: **__**Thanks to all the fans! You guys are thuper cereal cool! 90 likes as of 5/5/13 and even more favorites! To all you strange day walking people who read this shit, you can be ma buddy!**_


	5. Pinkie and Lyra AND SCOOTS

_**( Warning: This chapter has pretty much NO comedy or talent put into it what so ever and contains icky violence. Do not read if you are a crybaby and or a pony.)**_

Derpy sat me in her tub on the highest floor in the house, the sunlight streaming in through the drapes on the windows. She kept near me, that being my request. I simply sat in the tub, holding my arms and letting the soapy suds foam up around me as I relax against the smooth white surface of the basin. Derpy gently used a small cup to pour water on my hair, washing it of its abuse. My expression was freakishly blank, contemplating what in the hell I was to do about Pinkamena. Derpy caught my dark view, pressing her snoot to my cheek to get my attention.

"Isaac? What's the matter? You've been staring into the wall the whole time you've been in the tubby."

"I'm afraid Derpy… I'm really afraid." She let out tense breath near my ear, her own ears flopping down.

"Tell me what it is. I want to help you now." I shifted about in the tub a bit, trying to think of a way to explain Pinkamena to her.

"You know that Pink pony? That chased us with Lyra?"

"Pinkie Pie, what about her?"

"I… I think…"

"Come on Isaac, I'm sure I can help you here."

"I think she wants to murder me."

"What? What in Equestria could make you think that?"

"I've heard stories… of a murderous baker who lives in this town. They say she hardly ever strikes… but when she does her victim never sees the light of day again." I sat forlorn in the water, sinking down until the bubbles came up to my neck. I still held my serious look, Derpy's expression turning sympathetic.

"Well… I can only say I've never heard of a pony going missing around here. Every once and a while I get lost in a cloud and get stuck for a few days… but I've never seen Pinkie do anything to hurt any pony." I shook my head, only sinking deeper into the bubbly abyss.

"No… no you wouldn't. Derpy she saw me. I saw that look in her eye… she knows what I look like and she knows where we live… it's only a matter of time now." She pulled me up from the bubbles, putting her hoof to my shoulder.

"listen Isaac, I don't really know you all that well, I'm not sure what species you are and you're third leg is kinda creeping me out. But I PROMISE to you there's no boogey pony out to get you. I'm also prepared to do anything to put your mind at rest." She stared intensely into my eyes, her look breaking mine in their incredibly odd way of soul piercing.

"Alright alright I believe you. Just don't stare at me that intensely again. Puts me on edge."

"You've been through a lot huh?"

"I wouldn't like to talk about it… I fear you're too innocent to hear."

"I'm not a filly Isaac… I know where babies come from… I think."

"They don't come out the butt."

"Really? Wow! You're really smart Isaac!"

"Yeah… sometimes I wish I could just be a hypersexual prick like everybody else. But you get what you get I guess."

"Words big."

"Sorry Derpy, I'm used to talking to myself by now."

"I have an idea of how to relax if you're up for it."

"If you climb in this tub and try to buck me I won't hesitate to rip your cute little head off."

"What?! No silly! I was gonna get my record player! You're funny Isaac!" She giggled and fussed, nuzzling my cheek sweetly. Then she turned and started trotting off, me almost leaping from the tub.

"WAIT WAIT! Please don't leave me alone… when I don't know where Pinkamena is." She gave me a funny look, pausing before she went out the door.

"Isaac, don't be ridiculous. I'm sure no pony's gonna get in here before I get back."

"But… it's Pinkamena."

"I won't be gone anymore than… what comes after a second?"

"2 seconds."

"No, no, no, after that?"

"3 seconds?"

"No silly! I mean the one AFTER all that!"

"… 1 minute?"

"Yeah! That's it!"

"Are you like this all the time Derpy?"

"No, sometimes I just stay home and read a book… probably should get more than 1." She trotted off down the hall, humming happily to herself and wagging her tail.

"Derpy?! I don't wanna be alone! DERPY!" I leaned out of the tub, my lower half hidden in the tub and by the immense amount of bubbles. Realizing how exposed I was, I quickly sank back into the tub. My eyes went up and around the room, searching for that Pink mane. I shivered and squeaked in response to the slightest sound, the memories of Lyra's horrible screams still present in my mind. Her giggly, snorting laughter resonated through my mind, driving me to go lower and lower into the water until I could barely take air in through my nose. Derpy's hooves clopping against the hard wood resonated through the hall way, her light humming soothing my freaked ears. Her clopping came louder and louder before a terrific crash tore the quiet air apart. I heard a yelp, then an ear piercing silence. I froze in the water, the warmth of it turning icy cold against my skin. The sound of something heavy being dragged now picked up, the noise coming closer in intervals. Heavy breathing of something young and female clawing its way down with similar sounding clops. Nothing around me could serve as a weapon, bubbles being my only cover. I ducked under them, coving my face and holding my breath as the noise penetrated the room. Not a word escaped its mouth, the bubbles muffling any sound say for labored breathing. The hoof clopping now came right up next to me, the breathing displacing bubbles over my face. Then, at the one moment I knew I was to die, a pair of arms grabbed my head and yanked me from the bubbles.

"I found you!"

"NOOOOOOO!" I thrashed about, grabbing the offending pony in a blind rage and yanking it into the tub.

"Isaac?! What are you doing?!"

"I'LL DROWN YOU PINK HAIRD PYSCOPATH!"

"Isaac! It's me! Derpy!" The body struggled and kicked in the water, my eyes being cleared by a torrent of water. I opened them reluctantly, seeing a wet, disheveled and terrified Derpy Hooves.

"What?"

"It's me you silly bun!"

"But… the dragging a-and the breathing and the creepy scenario!"

"I dropped my record player and had to drag it! I got really tired from dragging so I panted like a puppy!" She gave me a crazy look, her mane hanging over her good eye.

"But… but."

"Isaac if you wanna make snugglies in the tub all you have to do is ask you know."

"NO! I just got spooked and thought you were some pony else… and was attempting to drown you."

"Isaac… the heck man?"

"I'm sorry! I'm just… really pensive about this kind of stuff."

"Pensive? Why would you write when you're scared?"

"Get out of the tub Derpy."

"Acknowledged." She crawled out of the basin, quickly grabbing up a record in her teeth.

"I usually play this when the mail list is longer than 3 houses. Maybe it will help you write."

"Y-yeah… sounds fantastic." She slid the vinyl disk onto the contraption, putting the needle on and sliding a small lever on the side. The record spun and crackled through the flared tube which broadcasted the sound. The small noise barely eeked out of the machine, filling the room with soft, easy going music.

"The FTL theme?" ( Hint, hint: Play the FTL menu music while you read this. Sets the mood for undesirable poking scenes )

"FTL? What's that?"

"Uh… nothing. Just kinda recognized the music."

"Yeah, it's Vinyl Scratches "sleepy club" mix. It's my favorite." She pulled a towel off a ring, sliding it over herself quite oddly. Her wings manipulated the towel to get her back, her fur quickly dry. Her poofy arm threw the towel back on the small ring, pulling another one off.

"Time to get out Isaac, don't wanna prune do we?"

"But… but I'm stark naked."

"Oh come on Isaac, I won't peak." She said sweetly, the music mixing with her unbelievably cute face. Her wet mane still hung over her eye, her wings shuttering a bit audibly.

"You promise you won't peak?" I asked, shaking and moving to exit the tub.

"Super promise." She shook the towel in her mouth, beckoning me to join its warm embrace. I slowly crawled out of the tub, averting my gaze from her daunting stare… derp… thing that she looks around with. I got out of the tub, the immense amount of water and bubbles on me dripping off of me and onto the floor. I stood before her, reaching for the towel. But, as she promised she peaked not and swung her head up and covered her eyes. The towel whipped me upside the head a bit, bringing me to a chuckle. I gripped the towel, her jaw releasing its grip and surrendering the object to me. She giggled and turned about, making her way to the wall.

"I'm gonna let your dry of- OOF!" She knocked her head into the wall, her hoof still covering her eyes.

"You alright over there?"

"Yeah, I had worse head boo boos before!" She said, feeling the wall with closed eyes before finding the door frame. She quickly skirted out, looking back in with closed eyes before leaving.

"I'm making steamed broccoli for dinner. Will that work?"

"I'm a sucker for Broccoli, sounds great."

"Come down when you're done, you can help me if you want!" She giggled and fussed like an embarrassed school girl, turning her head to leave. Another bumping sound echoing through the hallway.

"Oh fiddle sticks!" Came a boyish voice, Derpy's hooves clopping against the hard wood of the floor. I chuckled quietly to myself, the music starting to wind down into almost inaudible beeps. I replaced the needle quickly, going to close the door and lock it. I trust Derpy well enough, but I learn too. The mirror and sink were just to my right, having my underwear laying on it to dry. I gingerly made my way to it, dropping the towel and extracting my underwear for use. But something caught my eye before I could slip them on. My face in the mirror. Before this whole thing I could call myself a noble person, I'm no god damn hypersexual meat head, nor am I a PC gamer nerd who hates everyone, nor am I a console gamer douche bag who hates everyone. I had managed to be the most unlikable person I could be and was proud of it. Now… now I wasn't anything. I was a dirty, filthy, pony fucker. Below zoophiles. While they don't hurt anyone (By "anyone" I mean humans) and make themselves happy, I probably ruined many pony's lives. Lives that I never even knew existed in real life, lives I had no intention of even interfering with, lives- holy fuck- I had no intention on ruining THIS way. So, to all you horse fuckers out there, you guys are alright. At the least you're better than me. I actually went through with it… I was made two unicorn's toy, an earth pony's submissive boy toy, a Pegasus's fantasy and a piss rag for another Pegasus. Now, I was possibly to become another earth pony's carcass to rip apart. That face in the mirror, couldn't be mine. It was only the image of some submissive, overly obedient, bitch toy who didn't deserve any of this. Blackened bags of stress hung under my eyes, the cut on my face peeking out in agony as a tear rolled down my cheek. I put my hands to the sink, letting my head droop down to look into the empty basin. The swirls of the marbles led my eyes round in useless pursuits, something I had recently gotten akin to. If you haven't already realized from the wall of text, I get very philosophical when I'm angry.

"Ugh… I think I've met my match."

"Can't beat me bro."

"I know god… and if you really want to see me mutilated and possibly eaten by a small, pink pony… I guess it was to be."

"Chin up, I have the necessary precautions in place."

"Is that so?"

"Worst case scenario you get stabbed a few times and almost limp away with fatal wounds."

"Fatal?"

"You'll get raped two times over before you bleed out."

"People worship you, that is amazing in its self."

"Oh Isaac, I'm hurt."

"Just a question before my inevitable demise."

"Shoot."

"Why?"

"I'm bored, and you seemed a perfect candidate. Emotional, not a clopper, hateful, mean spirited, asexual and a brony! Just can't catch a better fish!"

"Yeah… seems legit."

"Never knew you to say legit."

"I guess you could say I'm a little… broken."

"Well, if it means anything by now, that last one kinda got out of control."

"Now you tell me." A soft clacking sound came from behind me, my head quickly snapping to the mirror to scan the area behind me. Nothing seemed out of place, my mind simply putting thoughts in my head of a Pinkie nature. I breathed heavily, turning to confirm the information. Luckily, the only sound was the crackling of the record and the soft music pouring from it. I ran a hand through my hair, chuckling in absolute uncertainty.

"Heh heh… this is gonna be a fun evening I can tell." I blew a tense breath and got my towel back and rubbing it against my garments, doing the best I could to at the least attempt to dry them. It worked about as well as trying to wrangle Dash back from the window, but it had to do for the moment at hand. So I slipped the damp things on and went for the record player, lifting the heavy thing up into my grasp.

"Sweet buttery Jesus it's like a thousand suns all bearing down on this one tiny object!" I grunted, heaving the metal box into a more comfortable position and opening the door with a foot, placing it down outside the bathroom to prevent it from rusting or what have you.

"Isaac? I've been waiting for twenty minutes! Am I gonna have come up there and get you?"

"Be right there!" I called back, watching the area around me and searching for a pink blob. Seeing nothing but the inside of Derpy's home I slowly made my way down the stairs. Knowing how Pinkie likes to absolutely shatter the walls of reality and the reason, I took no chances. Every step was carefully thought through before being taken, every breath of air was one of absolute silence and everything single movement was an observant one. As one could imagine, it was forever and a day before I reached the bottom of the steps. Of course because I had been doing nothing but looking in every direction accept front, I bumped directly into a hovering Derpy.

"AH! SOMETHING FUZZY!" I squealed, pushing her back and flopping directly on my ass.

"AH! SCREAMING!" She recoiled sharply from my obnoxious yell, also coming to her butt on the opposite end of me. I had curled up before her, covering my eyes in fear of bouncy horse. All I could hear was an audible pout, Derpy's hooves clopping against the hard wood of the bottom of the stairs.

"This is really going to be a problem honey." She huffed, moving my hand away from FOV.

"You're telling me."

"Isaac, you know what my mommy told me to do when I was too scared to go outside when there was a bee's nest outside?"

"Get the bug spray?"

"No. She told me "DERPY, get your butt out there and face your fear"!" She took a powerful pose, a hoof to her chest as she smirked defiantly.

"How'd that work out?"

"I attacked the bees nest and got stinged a lot… huh… now that I think about it that was terrible advice."

"Stung Derpy."

"Grammar is not the point Isaac! You're going to have to face your fear if you want to live here."

"What exactly does that entail?" I ask shakily, backing up a bit.

"I'm taking you down to sugar cube corner for a milkshake."

"How bout no? I like staying here better. Less chance of getting raped again."

"Wrapped?"

"Raped."

"Rapped? Are you gonna bust a rhyme?! That'd be the Shiznit Isaac!" She squeed at the suggestion, bouncing a bit.

"Derpy is it fair to say I'd rather NOT walk into broad day light in my under wear?"

"Why? I'm naked right now, EVERYTHING on display!"

"Well, I really don't like being naked and putting my goodies out for anypony to oogle at. That work?"

"Isaac. You're being a scardy pony."

"No I'm being a rational pony." She reached out and got a hold of my hand in her mouth anyway, pulling me up to my feet with her wings. She had me stand, then started pulling me towards the door with her hooves.

"Come on Isaac! You can't just live in my house forever and be afraid of Pinkie. I promise there's NOTHING to fear about Pinkie!" She insisted, pulling an extremely reluctant me towards the door. I resisted mind you, but when you weaponize cuteness like that mother fucker you're no match. Besides, I had a challenge to complete to get out of rapey horse land.

"Alright fine! But if something bad happens to me it's on you."

"Pfft, like something bad will happen by visiting Pinkie Pie! Worst case we get tummy aches from her party cake!" So we were off, she still had my hand between her hooves as I opened the door. The familiar sun light bitch smacked me across the eyes, partially blinding me for a second.

"Hot damn it's bright out."

"It's like 6:30 honey. It's not that bright out."

"Well I've been stuck in Twilight's rape dungeon and you're bathroom all day so I haven't exactly gotten a good view of the outside world."

"Rape dungeon? You mean her living room?"

"WITH a rape table in it!" She rolled her eyes, giggling a little at my tone. Mind you I had never actually streaked before, a little bit running to Derpy's but other than that my embarrassment level a little bit over boner killing. Not to mention all the ponies staring with their gigantic eyes. Big Mac behind his stand, thankfully alone.

"Eeyup…"

"Mac you aren't to tell AJ."

"Eeyup."

"And I want my jacket back!" After a few more minutes we finally reached the surprisingly foreboding sugar cube corner. The atmosphere was spirit crushing to say the least, I had felt more secure standing on a rusty oil rig in West Virginia. One on the edge of a cliff that overlooked a fireworks and puppy store. Think I'm lying? Well screw you I'm holding Derpy's hoof while in my underwear. I've got mad creds bro.

"Alright Isaac, nothing spooky yet… nothing pinkie either."

"We're standing outside Derpy."

"Then inside we shall go!" She trotted happily towards the door, the sign oddly enough saying the store was still open. With all the courage and possibly a good dose of being a moron I followed after Derpy. The door swung open to her Derpy's push, a bell ringing quietly above our heads. The inside was oddly vacant, the warmth of the ovens and the sweet scent of the pastries being baked still wafting through the air softly. Pinkie was behind her counter, looking me in the eye with her usual freakish amount of excitement.

"HI! Welcome to sugar cube corner Derpy and weird thing!" She squeaked, smilely and bouncy as always. Luckily her mane had returned to its poofy state, no hint of red on her.

"What can I get you guys?" She asked, looking to Derpy.

"Actually Pinkie. I have an interesting story for you." Derpy said, approaching the counter. I watched her rather closely, attempting to follow her. But just like everything in the last 3 days of my life, something grabbed me from behind. Something warm and small wrapped around my mouth and chest, yanking me backwards across the shop. I struggled against the warm pulling force, my hands finding nothing but a sea-foam colored glowing aura around me. Before long I was in the closet of the shop, the door shutting to turn the room pitch black. The magic dissipated, only one culprit on my mind before something soft and fuzzy pressed against my nose. A light came on, a very smug Lyra touching her nose to mine with raised eye brows.

"Fuck me…"

"Not right now Isaac. I'm kinda raw. But thanks for the offer." She giggled, me pushing her off and getting against the door. It was locked from the outside, my hands banging against the wood of it while Lyra sat back against a pile of fur coats and party supplies.

"Bang all ya want Isaac you're just making yourself tired for the next part."

"Next part?!"

"Me and the pink one struck a deal… so you might be playing a little game with me and Pinkie."

"How… how so?" I groaned, pressing my face to the door in utter anguish.

"Hide and seek. Derpy can't play though."

"I see that as more of a good thing…"

"Oh don't be so sad Isaac, somepony's getting a kick out of this! Plus it's totally fair. You break out and run off you're free!"

"Why is that I detect high levels of bullshit in this?"

"I dunno. Maybe you're an idiot?"

"Joy…" With that she unlocked the door and let me fall out onto my face. Lyra exiting by way of my own body.

"Oh and Isaac, while I'm coming out of the closet, might as well mention something."

"Please! Humor me before I feel tempted to jump up and snap your adorable huggable neck." She giggled at my comment, watching me rear up to do as I said.

"You have 30 seconds to hide." She teleported away, yielding only Pinkie standing behind her. Of course I jumped back sharply, Pinkie only grabbing me.

"HI!"

"AH!"

"I'm Pinkie Pie! I'm gonna rape you!"

"AAAAH!" I shoved her off, making her land on her back as I bolted down the hall. I slid on a turn, listening as her giggling filled the rooms behind me. Firstly I found a window, thankfully in the room that I had turned into. So, like any logical person I went straight to it and attempted to pry it open. Strange enough it DID open for me, the width and height of the opening plenty to let me through. Problem being, Pinkie's head poked through with a smile.

"Nice try Isaac! But you're gonna have to think a little bit harder than that to foil Pinkie!"

"DEMON!" I screamed, turning back to go down the other end of the hall. I sprinted as she locked the window, tempted to try another as I passed through the kitchen. Derpy was notably absent, my face looking out the window to see the front yard to see her walking away with something.

"Derpy! Derpy help!" I screamed, not even getting her ears to twitch. On closer inspection, all I could see was Derpy walking away with an obscene amount of muffins pouring out of her newly acquired saddle bags. Along with her some sort of stuffed animal.

"Come on Isaac! Let's go home and cuddle!" She squeed, trotting off happily with her stuffed human doll clasped to her little pony chest.

"DERPY! DERPY YOU GOD DAMN ADORABLE FOOL!"

"Aaaaaw, it's said when ponies abandon their friends… why not snuggle with Pinkie?!" Yelled Pinkie as she dropped from the ceiling onto my head, her itty bitty pony arms wrapping about my terrified skull.

"AH! RAPIST PONY!" Her front hooves covered my eyes, blinding my rage filled recoil away from the window.

"Weeeeeeee! Giddy up lover boy!"

"It tickles and yet it burns!" My hands flew up to try and pry the little space invader off my cranium, her legs only tightening while her tail wrapped around my neck. She giggled as my hands clasped around her front legs, prying at her crazy Pinkie strength.

"Lyra! Throw me the crop!"

"Crop?!" I muffled through her fuzzy fluff, something immediately striking my back side sharply.

"OUCH!" I squealed, my hands finding my back as I took off running for no particular reason, maybe hoping I could get away from the stingy ass pain.

"He's a buckin' Pinkie!"

"I know! I can barely control this crazy sillybun!" She giggled, pushing back on my face with her hooves to persuade me from running forward. I denied her directional opinion and kept on, hoping to ram her into a wall. My legs carried me quickly forward towards something, Pinkie jiggling a bit on top of me in fear.

"Isaac! Stairs! Fall! Owie!"

"Suck my balls and eat wall bubble butt!" I yelled through her fluff, charging head long towards whatever she was talking about.

"Bail!" Came Pinkie's voice, her little limbs flinging her off me as my vision came back, revealing a flight of stairs down to the basement.

"OHMYGODNOT THEBASEMENT!" I yelled, crossing WAY over the threshold of the first step and flying out over the platform of pain below. Just before I started plummeting towards the ridged floor of death, Lyra's magic engulfed me in the warm of magic.

"Isaac wait!"

"Welp… don't really have… much of a choice here."

"Before you go idiotically jumping off the top of the stairs put this cup on. Don't wanna jostled the family jewels just yet am I right?" She chuckled, levitating a plastic thing onto my knickers.

"Alright then Isaac have a fun trip down!"

"Watch out for my broken glass collection!"

"Pinkie says watch out for her broken glass collection!"

"Wait why are you dro-" Before my sentence could even hit her twitchy Lyra ears she let her magic cease rather abruptly as I resumed my manic plummet to the stairs, my face eating a step and knocking every last bit of stupidity out of me. As well as whatever sense was left after what happened with Dash.

So as one can imagine I fucking ate the step and busted my noggin against the wooden floor. What happened after not I'm not sure. I'm sure some broken glass collection was wrecked but beyond that only PAIN AND ANGER.

But it wasn't long before I came to, thankfully not in the basement and even better, not on top of a pile of broken glass like somepony implied. However life is a series of compromises, thus I traded a pile of glass for the floor of SugarCube Corner with Pinkie's nose pressed to mine. Her eyes were literally bulging out at me, her giant smile visible even from my perspective.

"Hi Isaac!"

"Are you going to kill me?"

"Nope. I was just gonna bounce on you for a bit then let you go silly!"

"Kill me." I gruffed unhappily, looking down to see Lyra duct taping my ankles together.

"Don't be such a faggot Isaac I'm sure any other stallion anywhere else would be happy to have two mares goin for him."

"Alright, since it would take 5 fucking centuries to explain EVERYTHHING that flat-out wrong with that sentence, let's start with just the basics. YOU Lyra, bonked me in the head with a frying pan and then wrote on me, THEN you felt it necessary to dump me in an alley where any pony could just walk by and see me."

"I told you on the note I was very gentle with you. Not many ponies will play smooth Jazz while they're raping their bro."

"I am NOT your bro."

"WHICH reminds me Pinkie, get the sharpie." With that Pinkie just now removed her uncomfortably close face from mine, bouncing off into the obscure of the place.

"Alright Lyra let's make a deal."

"A deal?"

"Yes a deal… let me go and I promise I'll get some kind of rubber hand or whatever human body part you like."

"Rubber hand? Bitch you're joking me right?"

"Alright maybe not something along that line… let's put it this way. I will do something really weird and secret for you IF you let me go right now. Iswear!" She put her hoof to her chin, deep in thought as she hummed a little. She thought only for a second, as if her idea was so simple and diabolical only she could come up with it. She looked down at me with her hooded eyes, her hoof touching my chin as she inched closer with her bright little snoot.

"Beg me to not use this thing." She cooed, levitating a collection of straps and clasps onto my stomach.

"What the hell is that thing?"

"Crap, forgot the good part!" she said, turning about and lifting out a large green dildo from behind her. Two and two made four in my head and shit went down.

"AH! Okay, okay let's not do something we might regret here!" I yelled, clenching my cheeks at the sight of the freakish length of the thing.

"What? It's the smallest one that Pinkie had!"

"Still!"

"It's only a foot long pussy."

"…I'll beg."

"Well then do it." She said, sitting down on her cheeks and waiting for me with her spooky phallus in her lap.

"…please Lyra don't put that thing in my butt?"

"Boring."

"Ugh… Lyra you fantastic mare of epic proportions would you grace me with the honor of NOT putting that creepy horse shlong in caboose?"

"Getting there. Now say I'm pretty."

"Ugh… Lyra… you… beautiful, cute… somewhat green mare of princess brilliance… don't get that dildo anywhere near me."

"Alright. I'm convinced. While you're begging was at best "sub-par", I'm willing to not put this thing in your sweet smooth ass."

"Thank god…"

"But I'm still gonna rape you with Pinkie."

"YOU… YOU, are out of whack little filly!"

"I know! I'm SO naughty!" She giggled, throwing the dildo across the room as Pinkie bounded into the room.

"Sorry Lyra. We didn't have any black left. But I got pink!" She giggled, placing the markers on my chest as one lifted into the air with Lyra's magic doing the lifting.

"Aw come on guys! C-can't we just have a shake or something and work this out?" I begged, jerking to sit up. My hands were bound at the wrist with the same tape, making me fall back from the lack of support under me. Before much else could happen Lyra's magic pinned me to my back, preventing any sort of struggle. Pinkie giggled as I fell back, marker in mouth as she brought it to my chest.

"What ya gonna write Pinkie?"

"Som-ing fun-hee!" She giggled, trying to keep the marker steady while she wrote on my chest. My head tilted to watch the display, her mouth writing actually pretty legible as it smeared across my chest.

"S…L…U-Pinkie!" She started giggling profusely, barely putting her "T" down before dropping the marker.

"Hee hee! Isaac stop it I can't write!" Lyra rolled her eyes with a smile, using her magic to write even more words across my stomach.

"You gotta be quick Pinkie else it smears!" She giggled with Pinkie like two little girls with a new toy, her marker smearing almost an entire paragraph.

"What the hell that does even say?" I questioned, Pinkie's hoof pressing my head back down. She stretched her neck comically low down to my stomach, reading it.

"I, Lyra and Pinkie do solemnly swear to rape this human while making him out little toy, pet and or bitch. By Equestrian law we take upon us the duty to give him adequate punishment and love throughout his duration as out little slave. Upon the occasion that he disobeys his masters, he will be punished by trauma to his posterior and or his adorably small human love poll. Signed Lyra Heartstrings. Wow Lyra you're really professional!"

"I know. It's the unicorn in me. Besides, if the princesses come by and try to arrest us we have the legal stuff right here!"

"You guys are fucking insane…"

"I'm not insane! I'm Pinkie silly!" She giggled, suddenly bringing her tongue out to lick across my face. As if it were some kind of signal to her Lyra moved down my torso to my crotch, her little snout pressing against my covered goodies before she violently ripped off my underwear. The air was already cold against my goodies, making my recoil back into the floor.

"I'm not sure why you wear these things… but they smell good!" She squeed, pressing the cloth to her face and huffing like an addict.

"Ew…"

"That's not very sanitary Lyra…"

"Oh hush you two." She huffed, straddling me with her hips as her warm slit hovered over me, slowly sinking down to touch to my shaft. The hot, wet flesh smeared and parted a bit to let my limp shaft hide in it, her tongue lolling out a bit lazily.

"Mmmmh… come on Isaac get it up."

"Fuck you!"

"Working on it." She huffed through her pleasure, her hooves resting against my stomach to support her as she started to bounce and gyrate against me. My stomach lurched with the motion, the warmth against me making me want to do nothing but retreat away from it. But the big squishy Pink wall behind me was having none of that. She looked down on me with a strangely warm smile, petting my head.

"Don't worry, Mamma pinkie's here to take care of you." She cooed softly, laying my head on the ground between her legs.

"That's why I'm worrying…" She giggled a little, her cooch barely an inch from my head. She lifted herself off me and sat herself on my face, shaking her tush a little to sink me in all the way. My air supply was immediately cut off, followed by the most SHAMEFULL erection one can fathom. Fluttershy and Appljack we're close contenders for it, but it was made so much worse with Pinkie's flank hole pressed to my nose.

"MMH!" I muffled from behind her cheeks, my face stuck between the plush cheeks of Pinkie's behind. Lyra gyrated a bit rougher into my crotch, my now stiff member pressed between my belly and her girly bits. Pinkie's bits were touched to my lips just as much, her scooching about parting and smearing then across my face as she bucked a little towards Lyra.

"Wow… his face is super duper smooth!" She giggled, wagging her tail happily as she rested her hooves on my chest. She squiggled about on me, moving every which way and direction to satisfy her weird pony libido or something.

"Imma kick it up a notch." Came Lyra's voice, a hoof touching to my head and bringing it upwards to touch to her drippy thing.

"Ooooooh! It's all round at the tip!"

"That's why I love humans!" They both giggled a bit, Lyra letting herself all the way down on my shaft and bouncing at the base from the impact.

"YEEOW! Woah mamma that's good!" She squealed happily, her hips bouncing and jerking about in sexual excitement. Pinkie giggled at her friend's motions, her own bits sliding across my mouth as her sweet and salty juices poured out of her and onto my reluctant face. Both of them moaned and carried on, making love noises as they bucked their hips in soft passion against me. Lyra's pace outmatched Pinkie's surprisingly, her marehood squeezing and squelching around my member as she shivered in pleasure around it. Her cheeks slapped against my thighs lovingly, her warm flesh and fur warming the rather bitter feeling I was yelling into Pinkie's squishy bit. Pinkie bounced on my face as well, smashing my head into the floor repeatedly. She scooted further up, her center of gravity lurching forward to bring her flank hole right to my mouth. Trying to spit out her nasty taste wasn't really within the confines of reasonable, she rutted and slammed it into my mouth excitedly while she and Lyra's moans ceased, only to be replaced by what sounded lips smacking together in a weird lesbo pony passion on top of me. Of course this carried on for a good few minutes, Pinkie and Lyra's hips beating my now fragile body into a pulp of shattered dreams and a sore penis. Lyra's juices were now so plentiful they began to run down my hips in little streams, pooling under me as she squeezed and pulsed around my girth with Pinkie clamped to her face. Pinkie's marehood scrubbed and bumped right against my chin as her juices poured equally with Lyra's, trailing down my neck and cheeks as she suffocated me under her bubbly tush.

"I'm not gonna last much longer Pinkie." Lyra moaned into Pinkies face, her marehood convulsing in orgasmic bliss around me.

"I wanna taste!" Pinkie giggled, shifting her weight and laying across my stomach, her chin on my pelvis as she lapped at me and Lyra's icky mess, licking and nipple at my exposed shaft.

"Ah! That tickles!" Lyra squeaked, her juices flooding out of her and spurting out a bit, the little drippings quickly consumed by Pinkie as she let her fem juice out into my mouth.

"Ah! Pinkie juice! It's awful!" I squealed, getting a mouthful of her luv juice. Pinkie panted into my base, nuzzling into Lyra's thingy as she rolled off me and onto her back next to me. Lyra followed after her, laying her little body flush to Pinkie's with their faces touching.

"Nice ride Isaac."

"My mouth… taste like ASS."

"That'd be a side effect from eating Pinkie's sweet bottom." She giggled, snuggling into Pinkie a bit. Every part of my body was sore, my legs from running, my face from the smashing, my goodies from that insanity you just witnessed, in lay man's terms I was going to go far anytime soon. But that didn't stop me from rolling onto my belly and scooching across the floor towards the door, my feet being taped together at the oddest angle conceived to prevent my walking.

"Oh look how cute Lyra! He thinks he can get away!" Pinkie giggled, the sound of her getting up coming from behind to make me go faster towards the door.

"Come on Isaac. Don't you like two fluffy mares making happy time with you."

"Now that I think about it… NO." I huffed, reaching the door with my head and straightening my back, bashing my head into the knob in a retard attempt to unlock it. Pinkie hugged against my back, licking my neck and nuzzling me into the door, humming to herself.

"Isaac you're embarrassing yourself. Just surrender to me and Pinkie and maybe we'll let you go… IF I can get some hand action up in here."

"Only "hand action" you're getting out of me is a middle finger shoved up your ass!"

"Ooooooh! Exotic!" She squeed, her tail wagging as Pinkie pulled me back down to my back, looking down on me.

"No need to worry Isaac! I'm a really good care taker!" She giggled, Lyra nuzzling her a bit on the neck.

"Are you guys… a "thing" now?"

"Maybe. I dunno Isaac Pinkie just has a pretty fine plot." Lyra narrowed her eyes at Pinkie, raising her eye brows suggestively. Pinkie met her gaze, giving her a smooch on the nose and lifting her tail.

"Wait for me upstairs. I'm just gonna put Isaac somewhere inconspicuous." Pinkie said quietly, getting a kiss from Lyra as she turned to leave. She wagged her tail back and forth as she walked, flashing her squishy bits as she and Pinkie kept their sultry looks. Pinkies faded almost immediately as she Lyra disappeared up the stairs. She turned back to me with a crazed look in her eyes, her pupils shrinking drastically as her mane fell.

"Aw crap…" I groaned in fear, Pinkie grabbing something quickly from behind the counter. She came back rather twitchy, her hoof somehow grasping a chocolate milkshake.

"You still owe me a milkshake Isaac…" She hissed with a freakish smile, giggling a bit as her ears flopped up and down randomly.

"Uh… I could as Derpy for some bits may- OHMYGODWHATARE YOUDOING?!" I yelled, her hoof bringing the shake right down on my forehead, shattering the glass against my face and stunning me. The trauma was enough to knock the sense out of me for a good while, my body being dragged down somewhere against a painful flight of stairs then being put on something cold and metal. I faded in and out after that, eventually coming to full sense in a dark room, my arms and legs splayed out against a metal surface and stuck fast to where ever they were held by some sort of clamp.

"AH FUCK!" I yelled, panicking in the situation that lay before me. I struggled roughly, pulling at my limbs painfully as my bashed and bucked against the table, wanting to be free of the dire implications. Then, a single click forced a light to come on, revealing Pinkie and Scootaloo at my side.

"Scoots?"

"Hey he knows my name!" She smiled, hopping on the table with a ball gag.

"Funny Isaac, I didn't know you and Scoots knew each other." She said quietly, extracting a large serrated bread knife.

"AAAAAH!"

"Miss Pinkamena he's loud!" Scoots said, covering her ears.

"Gag him, he won't be too long I'm sure."

"FUCK YOU! AND YOU!" I screamed, looking to Scoots in particular.

"GET A HOBBY!" She forced the thing into my mouth, tying it rather quickly.

"Alright he's all set!" She hopped off the table, some rattling of equipment echoing in the dark basement. Pinkamena moved right up to my face, making me look to her.

"Just hush Isaac. Pinkie's got everything covered." She cooed softly, lifting the knife into the air above my stomach.

"Fuck…"

_**Author's notes: **__**I re-wrote it! You guys like me now right?!... right?!... aw man… BTW, this was collaperated with ideas from a super nice guy named "child of nature, friend of man" on . Go read his shit because from now until he gets back from military school I'll be writing it for him! Hooray!**_


	6. Rarity with Derpy on the side

"Isaac. Isaac wake up else your tea will get cold." I burst to a bright light, sitting in an uncomfortable chair with a thing of amber liquid in my hand. Looking down I saw myself covered in fancy clothing and white gloves, a tiny hat sitting on top of my head. Fluttershy, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie all sat on a couch opposite to me, wearing similarly fancy clothing and holding steamy tea cups.

"Oh God damn it!" I shouted, standing up and sending my tea to the floor with a clatter. Twilight looked up to me, barely sipping her tea.

"Isaac you've spilled your tea."

"Oh what a tragedy!" I threw my arms up in the air, staring angrily at them. Something burned on my face and body, some of my wounds still left over from Pinkamena's treatment.

"You know, it's not like I just had my eyes gouged out by Pinkie over there and had my face raped… AGAIN!"

"Oh come on you were begging for it."

"Begging you to stop!" She shrugged her shoulders, Applejack placing her tea down on the armrest.

"Calm down partner, this is a calm place."

"No! This is just… just mean!" Rainbow Dash chuckled, looking to me with her boyish look.

"Come on Isaac, mean?"

"Wasn't exactly the nicest action when my teeth were knocked in by bubblegum butt over there."

"Hm, uncalled for."

"Really? We're going on the grounds of what's called for now?"

"At least TRYING to be civilized."

"Yeah, really easy to believe given the last few hours of my life. Which is now OVER." Jesus appeared again, tapping me on the shoulder and cringing at my messy and cut features.

"Ick, what happened bro?"

"I thought you'd be watching."

"Naw, Dad keeps it on the big TV in the living room and cheers a lot. I haven't played Black ops 2 in like 5 days."

"Oh cry me a river." I sat back down in the chair, Jesus pulling up another for himself.

"So I'm guessing things didn't work out quite like we planned?"

"Well, I gotta start over. Cuz bubble butt over there killed me."

"I believe the correct term to be "eviscerated"."

"Hush you."

"Well, you want another try?"

"I have to don't I?"

"Dad just thinks you're near death, I can bring you back to much better place."

"Uh… how so?" I shrunk back into the seat, unsure of his offer.

"Just get in there, keep the suit, and shit might go your way and you can go home."

"So… you'll heal my fucked up face and let me get on with the challenge?"

"AS LONG, as you promise to not buy call of duty Ghosts."

"Call of duty ghosts?"

"Oh yeah… you've been kinda occupied haven't you?"

"Yeah… I guess you could say that." He stood up, grabbing my hand in his.

"Up man, you got mares to poke."

"Yaaaaaay." I stood up, looking back at the ponies on the couch behind me.

"Bye Isaac."

"Catch ya on the flip side."

"Don't be a stranger now."

"Read lots of books."

"Fail and I'll cut you." Jesus led me through the blank whiteness once more, passing a door.

"Keep your voice down, Dad's in there."

"Aw the fuck! I picked a boy for raping not cutting! Pinkie!"

"He sounds angry."

"He hasn't been smoking, and the last mare kinda set him off." I gave him a confused look, a loud crashing noise coming from behind the door.

"Wait… he died? HE DIED?!"

"Aw crap, Isaac you gotta disappear!"

"What?"

"If dad figures out I helped you, he'll be pissed!"

"Won't he find out anyway?!"

"Like he keeps track of this shit, he just skips to the sex parts! He'll never notice the suit!" He yanked me down through the blank space, kicking at the white to open a door of the same color.

"Jump boy!"

"WHY?!"

"AH SAID JUMP FAGGOT!" He kicked me in the rear, sending me head over heels into the room beyond the door. The door immediately shut tight behind me, sealing me in a pitch blank room. I struggled to stand, the stiff clothing not doing much to help my mobility. Eventually I climbed to my feet, feeling about the room to find a door at least something other than the smooth surface of the wall. Eventually something small and waist height clocked me in the genitals, signaling its existence in the dark.

"OUCH. Oh damn that hurts!" I cupped my goodies, turning the knob slowly.

Please don't be Lyra's house please don't be Lyra's house." I turned it until the knob ceased turning, me pushing it out to open the mystery door. A soft light illuminated the room behind me, leading me into a strangely familiar hall way.

"Isaac honey? Are you upstairs still? Dinner's ready!" Derpy's voice came from downstairs, the smell of steamed vegetables coming from downstairs as a slight draft brought the smell of soap from down the hall.

"I'm back… in Derpy's house."

"Isaac?! I've been waiting for 20 minutes! Is Mommy gonna have to come up there and get you herself?" Something suddenly twitched inside me, like when my own mother is threatening to kick the door down on me while I'm in the bathroom. I don't know why in the world I'm having this kind of reaction to a small derpy horse that isn't even REAL, but my dumby brain immediately shat out an answer.

"Coming Mom!" I rushed down the stairs, my new shoes clacking loudly against the creaking steps before I stumbled into the kitchen. Derpy sat at the kitchen table, looking very much disgruntled with a little apron wrapped round her waist and her plate still covered in food. Her eyes went a decree wider at the sight of me, her gaze scoping out my attire.

"Oh… where'd ya get the fancy clothes?" I looked down at myself, the entire assembly of the fancy dress still clinging to me.

"Uuuuuuh… found it?" I said, unsure and rubbing the back of my hand. She stared at my stomach for a good while, finally looking up in a daze.

"looks good sweetie!" She said, blushing as her wings buzzed against the chair.

"Thanks… not really sure how or when I got here, but I'm hungry." I sat down, a pile of warm broccoli and cup of juice next to my plate.

"Looks good Derpy!" I brought the drink to my lips, the liquid coming close before Derpy began to speak.

"I didn't know what you liked to drink, so I poured a little bit of everything in the glass." The liquid hit my tongue, a mixture of grape, orange, cherry, milk and battery acid hitting my tongue.

"AW! What IS this?!" I held the glass out before her, the fluid hitting the table cloth and sizzling it with a putrid black smoke rising from it.

"Okay… chemistry of that is overly alarming."

"Like I said, everything that looked like drinky stuff I poured in there."

"Battery acid?!"

"It seemed like a good idea at the time!" I set the glass on the table, reluctantly scooping some broccoli in a fork for consumption. Luckily, the presence of ridiculous poison was not detected. Only sweet, soy soaked broccoli.

"Mh, very good Derpy."

"Knew you'd like it honey!" She giggled adorably, her blush growing.

"You alright over there?" She stopped, her snoot wrinkling.

"Oh, I'm just fine honey! Just kinda… flustered." She looked down to the floor, her hoof picking up a random piece of silverware before she almost pitches it off behind her.

"Oospie! Need to get that!" She climbed down, moving to get her fork while I munched on the broccoli. While I wasn't that fucking dumb, I did take a peek at her. Her butt wiggling in the air as her tail remained as a yellow censor bar.

"Derpy what on Earth are you doing?" She looked to me, the fork in her mouth.

"Wigglin."

"Wigglin?"

"Wigglin."

"Mkaaaaaay… can I ask you to stop?" She held her pace, still shaking to and fro.

"Maaaaaaybe."

"Okay then, stop."

"Why?"

"Why?"

"Yeah, I'm just wigglin here and you're sitting there insulting me and peeking at my seat!" She said matter of factly, her eyes looking nowhere near me.

"Point made, but I am your guest and I would very much like it if you stopped."

"Well I'm your new Mom! So I can tell ya what to do!"

"Hm, I Don't think that's what the deal was set up for."

"I'm just gonna wiggle here for a bit, you can do whatever you want with it." She and I met gazes for good second somewhat, her eyes barely able to focus on whatever the floor and ceiling needed to show to her.

"Alrighty then. Have fun then." She continued her odd wiggling, her eyes staring into mine.

"Are you looking?"

"No."

"Come on!"

"Come on what?!"

"My flank maybe?" A tense second hung in the air, my face wrinkling in anger.

"Going to bed." I stood up rather stiffly, having finished my dinner shortly before.

"Wha-Isaac! Come on buddy!" She followed, hovering in front of me. She put her hooves to my shoulders and let me tell you, if it had been any other pony at the time I might have felt the urge to tear their legs off. But because Derpy Is Derpy, logic exchanged itself for Derpy logic. Again.

"I-I don't have to wiggle anymore! We can just um… er…"

"Have a nice dinner perhaps?"

"Yeah! No pony has to go leaving the other here!" She almost squealed, getting closer and closer until she was clasped onto me tighter than a vice grip. She rested her chin on my chest, looking up to me with big, pleading derpy eyes.

"Leave? I was just gonna go to bed and let you calm down a bit. I was thinking I'd finally found a mare that isn't trying to rape me."

"Rape?"

"Bad touchies."

"Ooooooh." She still held tightly to me, her eyes derping about in wayward directions as I walked us back to the table. I pulled out a chair for myself and waited for her to move, of course this was the exact opposite of what I should've expected.

"Derpy?"

"Mmmh hmmm?"

"I need to sit."

"Sit then, I won't be in your way."

"Really?"

"You're snuggly wuggly Isaac! Can't I just enjoy it a little longer?" Our gazes met, she sneezed, my heart melted and we both laughed a little.

"Okay then Derpy, enjoy it all you want." I sat in the chair, pulling up the table as Derpy rested her wings on top of the table. I slid her little plate to her, a fork and a snoot digging into her food that was still left. She snorted and snuffled as she ate, her tail wagging in my lap. She had turned about, her face effectively buried in her food as she nibbled away. I set my arm on the table, hand resting on my jaw to let my neck finally have a break. A stolen glance out the window showed a dark night sky, odd seeing how the last time I was here it was broad daylight. Upon closer inspection I could see the lights of Ponyville shading the black sky, the multitude of small hills of the usual background obscured to form a total sheet of black to cover the landscape indefinitely.

"Watcha lookin at honey?"

"I'm not sure… kinda feelin homesick."

"Oh yeah… that does beg the question of where you came from."

"Trottingham… but I never did get to meet another of my species."

"I've only ever heard of humans from Lyra. But of course she's kinda nutty."

"Comin from you that's one hell of a statement."

"She went on and on about how she was going to find herself a human and tie them up in her basement and make snuggles with them. All day everyday! Sometimes just makes a mail mare go crazy!" She said, licking her plate as my mind officially went into offended mode.

"Aaaaaaand you heard this, brought a human into your home and then just left me alone in the bath tub twice?"

"I didn't think much of it, she also said she was into mares." I shook my head in crazy disbelieve, wanting to throttle the little grey mass before she hopped from my lap and into the air.

"Time for beddie byes Isaac! Since you've already had your tubby you can just come right to bed with me!" She stayed in the air, watching me with a gleeful demeanor. I shrugged my shoulders, standing up and carting the plates to the sink. After successful dumping I turned to see derpy extracting a book from an unreasonably high shelf and scoot up the stairs. I followed, using the sounds of her squeaks and flutters as a reference to her position. She was at the far end of the hall, flitting about a large queen sized bed with a book in her mouth. I stood in the door frame, my loud, hard shoes drawing her attention long before I stopped.

"Where am I sleeping tonight?"

"You don't wanna share a bed?"

"Nnnno."

"It'll be awfully chilly without you."

"You got a blanket Derpy you'll be just fine."

"Pweeeeeeease?!" She trembled her lower lip, staring into my eyes with her gigantic derpy ones.

"No."

"Ugh, fine. But can you at least read me a story before bed?"

"Sure, as long as I have a bed." She smiled wide and nestled herself under the covers, her hoof pushing the book to the foot of the bed. I came in, turned on her lamp, sat on the bed and held the book gently. The cover was ancient, visibly falling apart at the seams. The text was almost illegible, faded from obvious age and abuse.

"This is an old book Derpy."

"It was my mommy's mommy's. I've had it since I was a little filly." She squeed, snuggling under the covers as I removed my hat and gloves. We exchanged smiles, my eyes viewing over the title.

"The Tale of Little Yipperlu."

"It's what my mommy read me to sleep with."

"Wait… that was my nickname when I was a baby…"

"It's a well known story, maybe your mommy named you after the story book in Trottingham." Disturbing thought pushed away for now. I opened the thing slowly, the crackling and crinkling of the ancient material noisy and apparent.

"Once, in the times before nightmare moon, there lived a young black filly named Yipperlu. She was a very nice little filly, always helping her mommy in the kitchen and her daddy in the garden. She was very smart and pretty, and her parents loved her very much. But Yipperlu was very different from many other ponies. Many ponies were pretty colors, pink, blue, white, orange some even rainbow. But Yipperlu wasn't like any of those ponies, she was a sleek, shiny black. Hoof to ear, her fur was blacker than night and shinier than even the prettiest diamond." Derpy closed her eyes, resting her large head on a pillow with a small breath though her nose. One of her ears flopped down, the other perked to listen to me. My WTF meter was flying off the charts, the story pertaining almost exactly to how I was a kid. The outcast in black in a world of color.

"E-even though Yipperlu was a very kind and gentle filly, many mares and stallions feared her. Her shiny black coat was so unusual that some ponies avoided her entirely. Never giving her a chance or being even the slightest bit generous. Yipperlu was very sad, she spent a lot of her time by the lake… staring at her wavy reflection in the water… day by day nothing seemed to change. Every black hair on her little body still remained, still shone in the light, still permanently a part of her. One day, when Yipperlu was not but 12 winters of age, she rushed off into the forest. The voices of the cruel ponies… only chasing." I shuttered on the bed, remembering step by step… the day I did very much the same.

"Yipperlu hid herself away in the dark cover, feeling like forever she could cover herself in this feeling. This feeling of security. She did many things here, sometimes she would read library books in the forest. She learned many things in the forest, origami, cartography, how to play chess and many other things too numerous to count. Her Mommy and Daddy worried about her, being in the woods alone. She never did tell them how she felt, how she was made fun of and feared. Yipperlu couldn't make them feel guilty in such a manner. It was no pony's fault she was the way she was, but for the time, grinding through the days seemed the best solution." Derpy snuffled a bit, my reading somewhat low and sad in tone. I peaked to her, the small stains on her pillow just below her eyes. Her eyes remained closed, mine still trained on her. I decided to lay down next to her before I continued, extending an arm to pull her into a soft hug. She gladly returned it, nuzzling her wet face into my neck and suit.

"You're an amazing reader Isaac… I've never cried to Yipperlu before."

"Seems… freakishly familiar to me."

"It has that effect on a lot of ponies." She buried her face in my neck, sniffling and crying quietly. I held her to me, continuing to read.

"One day, Yipperlu came upon a sight that made her little heart flutter with joy. A small, black colt hiding in her spot in the forest. Who he was and where he came from was of no concern, her only one being of a social nature. She made like lightning to get to him, their eyes meeting in a lock of the strongest material in all of existence. New, blossoming passion. She and him became very good friends, meeting day in and day out to read more books and learn more skills. His name was Duster, but he was known to Yipperlu as Dustly. Both shared a friendship unlike any other, knowing the neither one had another friend to call their own. For years this carried on, things changed, buildings fell and rose, ponies came and went and the moon rose as the sun did for 20 winters. Before something was to come about in Yipperlu's life. A time when life ceases to give, but takes in imminent strokes. THIS is a children's book?"

"It's my favorite children's book! Also the only book in the house." She didn't open her eyes, still cuddling up against me.

"Before long, her Mommy, then her Daddy came to exist no more. Going up to the palace in the sky to forever live with the great mother Faust."

'_Oh no this "mother Faust" stuff again.'_

"She was very sad at the lost, and never quite felt the same. That warm place in her heart was never again filled in such a way. But the one thing she could always attest to, in this dire time, was her best friend Dusty, to be by her side. Forever now and forever later." The book came to an end, me still turning the page expecting more. Oddly enough, it only showed the inside of the back cover. On the back was a taped piece of paper, a crayon drawing of a grey blob with a white blob on its head and a second grey blob with a yellow blob on its head. The second blob had a set of blobs on its back, oddly oval like. Both of them stood on a block of green, looking to each other with crude smiley faces etched onto their blobbiness. At the corner of the taped paper was the most horrible depiction possible in the English language of the word "Ditzy Doo" in black crayon. To say the least, my heart split in two. But my mind still found its self prying for answers.

"That's it?"

"That's it." She sniffed again, my neck damp with her tears and drool. I ran through the pages again, looking for a missing page or an epilogue of some sort.

"It was kinda… curt on the ending."

"It was always kinda short. But I always assumed it was because nothing was left to be said."

"It's an odd ball that's for sure… did you draw this here?" She opened an eye half way, examining it.

"Yeah, my Mommy put it in there when I was 5."

"It's cute Derpy."

"Thanks, I always liked coloring. Even if my ponies are just bloby thingies." She nuzzled into my neck and shoulder, taking giggly breaths through the fabric.

"You're a really good reader Isaac."

"Maybe if the story made sense I could do better." She just giggled, releasing her grip on my neck and scooting away.

"There's a free room just to the left. If you really don't wanna spend the night with me." I stood up, still holding the closed book and readjusting my hat.

"I'll take the room thanks, don't want to get too well acquainted."

"Why is that exactly?"

"Well… I gotta get home some time. I've got peo-ponies and business to take care of."

"You could always just stay here. With me."

"I'd… be afraid to. I'm not really safe to be around."

"Oh come on Isaac. I mean you're kinda spooky and all, but you seem perfectly nice."

"That's the thing… just trust me on this one. I won't be here one more day then I have to and then you can forget all about me forever."

"And if I never want to do that?"

"… then you're not thinking quite straight."

"These kinds of things have never been straight or black and white Isaac." I made my way to the door frame, turning her lamp off and getting ready to close the door.

"Always welcome in the bed if you get cold Isaac. Or if Pinkamena comes again." I shivered at the name, not exactly fully recovered from _that_ event.

"Considered." I moved to close the door, her voice sounding out before I could fully close it."

"Please?" A tiny squeak escaped the room, my movements stopping entirely.

"P-… pardon?"

"Please Isaac? Please come… stay with me." I held my spot for a second, contemplating as I bit my lip.

"I promise I won't snuggle you… I just want some pony to be next to me." Her voice came so softly, so faintly so quietly. My heart couldn't handle it, my brain stepped down from control, letting my most idiotic feeling take the wheel. That feeling, is adoration for Derpy Hooves. I slowly opened the door once more, stepping in and placing the book on the nightstand. I untied my shoes first, my socks coming with them followed by my jacket. The rest of my clothes slid off besides my boxers, oddly enough being my novelty heart boxers. Derpy shuffled about in the bed, sliding to the opposite side and throwing up the covers for me. She pulled a pillow down and placed it in the middle of the bed to make a motley wall, her pillow.

"There, now we don't have to worry about… touching in the night." I slid under the warm covers, the bed being barely big enough for my height. She watched me climb in intently, scooting up to the barrier pillow and laying her head on it.

"Good night… Isaac."

"You know… I think I can tolerate not having a wall." Her eyes went a little wider, her tail wagging under the sheets.

"R-… really?"

"It's okay Derpy… It's not too big a deal for a pony like you." She stared me down for a second with her weird eyes before she moved, her body inching closer to mine with tiny shuffles of the sheets. She didn't move her barrier, simply resting her head on my bicep and keeping her gaze to mine. She and I exchanged heavy breaths, both of us breathing each other's intense air.

"Comfy?" I ask, her soft mane rubbing against my arm and face.

"Y-yeah… I like this more than the pillow…"

"We don't really need the pillow Derpy. I can man up for one night." I pulled the pillow out of from between us, her body almost immediately filling the vacuum of warmth by clasping onto mine. Her soft fur and warm mass rubbed against mine, her face getting closer. Much closer. Her nose touched to mine, her blush matching mine as we both felt out heart rates jump. Her hips pressed into mine, the warmth of her haunches cast aside for the moment to her wings. Her wings jumped up excitedly, the covers coming with them.

"Ever done this before with another sta-"

"Nope."

"Huh… then we're both noobies. Let me get that for you though." I reached up and held her wing, gently pulling it down to her body with little resistance. She breathed heavier, her little legs holding onto me like a daughter does a strong father.

"There, now I get half the blanket and you the other."

"O-okay… Isaac." I adjusted the blanket to cover us both evenly, the soft fabric like heaven in tandem with her fur.

"Night Derpy… see ya in the morning." She closed her eyes, her head working its way under mine. In one such motion, she replaced my pillow with her soft head. Her ear against my lips as it twitched and flopped up and down sporadically. I closed my eyes, the warm, soft thing against me bringing me to a very soft place. A place I had never been to before, but gladly welcomed. My usual insomniac tendencies faded, sleep coming quickly as Derpy's little snoozes and snorts acted as a soft lullaby.

"Come on Isaac! Time ta learn the way a life!" I shook awake, in the back of my Dad's shitty pickup truck. I sat up, looking about the place. An old, dusty, smelly and green horse farm, why was I here? Couldn't remember. I feel asleep in the back again, probably because I haven't had more than 6 hours of sleep in 3 days. My Dad opened the door of the bed, grabbing my foot and shaking me into alertness.

"Come on and wake up boi! Ah said it's time ta learn now get yer ass movin!" Just like my Dad, a West Virginian hillbilly. My Mom was a writer from New York, and often fought with my Dad. To say the least, they each had their own ideas about raising a kid. Now that I was 12, my Dad wouldn't let me take Sex Ed and had since decided to teach me himself. He woke me up at 5 this morning, threw me in the back of the truck and took me to the Hinton's horse farm. Even though my Mom hated horses and never wanted me near one. I, being the most obedient moron on this Earth, trudged from the back onto the dirt. A cloud was tornadoed away in the wind, the red dust choking the air of anything breathable.

"Alrighty then, Isaac, this is ma good friend Richard." He pointed to a large, round man with a scraggly grey beard, biker glasses and ripped overalls. He held a huge hand out to me, spitting out some tobacco.

"Mornin kid, ya ready ta learn somethin?" I accepted his handshake, my grip nothing compared to his freak crushing power.

"Y-yeah… I guess."

"Aw hell, Isaac! Get a little excited! Ya'll gonna see the greatest show nature has ta offer!"

"Really?!" I said, getting wrongly excited.

"Hell ya! Dick, get that mare Zibby out here!"

"Ah told ya ta call me Richard ass hole!"

"Well ah forgot ya damn pig!"

"Watch yer mouth before ah fill it wit a 12 gauge!"

"Just git the damn horses out!"

"Horses?" Richard disappeared into a nearby barn, my Dad leading me to a fence and resting against it.

"Just sit back and watch Isaac. It's the miracle of life in action!" Richard came out of the barn with a large grey horse, leading it to us.

"This here's Zibby. She likes apples." He threw me and apple, when I picked it up from the ground because I'm a fucking terrible catcher the mare trotted up to me. The horse ate the apple out of my hand, much to my delight.

"Hee hee! It tickles Dad!" I petted her giant nose, her face then coming up to sniff me. Her giant nose pushed into me, tickling like mad. My Dad pulled the apple out of my hand and pitched it behind him, looking to Richard.

"Ah suggest ya'll go break out Buster before ma son turns inta some god damn nature fag." Richard simply nodded, making his way back to the barn in silence. Zibby continued to sniff and lick me, my Dad swatting at her.

"Go on! Git! Isaac pay attention! What you're about ta see id MUCH more important than that damn "Sex Ed" bullshit they be teachin ya at school!"

"B-but… I wanted to pet it."

"It's a HER Isaac! See that thing on her winkin and drippin?" He pointed to her rear end, her tail lifted with much liquid pouring down her thigh.

"Dad! Dad that's nasty!"

"That aint nasty! That's real life right there!"

"Dad!"

"Isaac don't ya DARE go tellin me you don't like pussy now!"

"Dad that's a horse!"

"You a man?! Or a fag?!"

"I'm a man!"

"Then hush up and enjoy! Damn, you're brother had it in a second! Ah mean shit! Ah had to hold that crazy man to keep him from hopping the fence! Wish HE was here instead a you!"

"D-… Dad I'm sorry. I… kinda see what you see in the… horse's… parts. It's a very nice… um… compilation of folds."

"Pussy boi!" Richard came out of the barn again, a HUGE black stallion trotting quickly behind him. Richard let the thing go, laughing as he approached us.

"That damn thing just bout broke ma back when ah was tryin to get him ready! He ready ah tell ya what!"

"Ready for… for what?"

"THIS Isaac, is what ah brought ya ta see. Just watch that little ol mare as good as ya can."

"Dad! We're not actually gonna watch them…"

"Hell yeah we are! And YOU gonna be the one to learn it!"

"Dad!"

"Ah- aaaaaaaaw! There we go Buster!" The stallion mounted the mare, my hands covering my eyes.

"DAD! That's just wrong!" He sighed and got off the fence.

"Shit son! What kinda man are ya if ya can't even enjoy some good ol lovin?"

"It's a HORSE dad!"

"Well ah can't go showin ya PEOPLE doin now can I?! That's illegal!" I covered my eyes more, the sound of the mare's whinny echoing about the whole place as Richard cheered.

"Better than doin it by hand ah tell ya what."

"Ah! What is WRONG with you?!"

"It's ma job! Ah get paid a thousand dollars to jack off them stallion over there!"

"Dad, I'm going back to the truck!" I started off, hearing their voices as I fell back into the bed.

"A thousand dollars?"

"That be how much they pay for that horse spunk. Make more race horses."

"Hmmmm… ah think ah just found Isaac a summer job then." I jolted back to life, Derpy bouncing, but thankfully not waking. I was sweating quite profusely, the sheets clinging to my warm flesh. Derpy was still nailed to me, her snoot now huffing my scent from my neck and chest. I rubbed my head, feeling a hot, bothered sensation against my palm. My body shook, the reality of the dream vivid in many more ways than one. I slowly wiggled out from Derpy's grasp, her little smile turning into a worried frown as she struggled about in her sleep.

"Isa… Isaac… where… Isaac?!" I sat on the edge of the bed for a second, putting my hand up to her nose. She sniffed it twice, throwing her hooves round it in a warm hug.

"Got… ya." She smiled again, her tail wagging and disturbing the covers behind her. Sadly, I removed my hand out from under her grasp. Quickly I shuffled into the bathroom, turning on the faucet to let water rush over my tired face. My usual black bags of sleep deprivation remained, more purple than I remember, but still freakishly dark. The water seemed to do the trick, my icky feeling fading. Unlike my memory.

"Ugh… never thought THAT memory would ever come back." I leaned against the sink, taking a breath before I moved out and down the hall back down to derpy. When I opened the door she was frantically squirming in the bed, almost crying. Seeing this, I immediately dove in and got close to her. Her nose huffed my scent, her smile returning as her eyes opened.

"Hey Isaac."

"Hey Derpy." We said softly, my arms still caging her in a gently hold.

"Were we like this when you woke up?"

"Sorta." She giggled and rolled onto her belly, standing up in the bed slowly as her joints cricked and cracked. She yawned, which made me yawn, her little giggle irresistible.

"Let me get dressed… and maybe I'll cook breakfast for us."

"Plenty of muffins, no need to cook."

"Oh yeah, the muffins thing." I stood up, grabbing my assortment of garments to plaster back on. Starting with my pants and working to my shirt. When I lifted my jacket from the floor, a loud "_rrrrrrrrip!_" sound followed it, a pocket caught on a chore handle and subsequently tearing the jacket almost in half.

"Daw shirt without the "R" part!" I groaned in dissatisfaction, Derpy sympathetically holding it in her hooves.

"Oh no! You're fancy whatjamajigger!" She and I exchanged sighs, the jacket more than ruined.

"I-I know a pony in town who could fix this! She'll do it for cheap!" Derpy stated, my mind, although very stupid, figuring out the mare in a flash.

"I'm assuming a mare by the name of Rarity?"

"I was suggesting Colgate, but yeah! Rarity is a MUCH better mare to ask!" I rolled my eyes, carrying the torn things down the stairs with Derpy. I took a seat at the table, Derpy flapping to the fridge and pulling out two muffins on a single plate.

"Careful, they're really chilly."

"Weird warning, can't be too bad." I grabbed a muffin and took an indiscriminate bite, Derpy failing to stop me.

"W-wait Isa-"

"AW!" I bit into the rock-like pastry, a tooth almost cracking in response.

"Son of a-... MMMH!" I held my cheek, the pain like a bad bruise.

"Are you alight honey?!" Derpy said, hopping on the table like a mad woman and pressing her nose to my lips.

"Ah! Yes I'm fine! Just don't touch my lips!"

"Lips?" She nudged closer, the tooth responding in less than a happy mood.

"Stahp! That's not helping!"

"Oh! I know what will help!"

"That is-" she moved her snoot into my mouth, her lips pushing into my mouth rather… aggressively. They eventually made their way to my tooth, Derpy making an exaggerated kissing noise.

"Mmmmmmua! There! A kiss to make it feel better!" My face didn't waste a second, it held a look that actually caused Derpy to retract a bit. I couldn't look at it of course, but by the way I was feeling it obviously wasn't too sunny looking.

"S-sorry… it looked like it hurt."

"Thanks, but never again."

"R-right…" She sunk back in her seat, pulling herself a muffin with a rather defeated look.

"You don't have to feel bad about it, I just don't want any smooches."

"I understand Isaac. Just got a little… um…"

"Excited?"

"Yeah... That." She and I cracked through our muffins, the awkward silence a little bit much for Derpy.

"I gotta go to work today… is it alright if I just drop you off at the place and we can meet home when my shift's over?" The gears in my head started turning, thinking that if Rarity is the last of the mane 6 I have to go through, I might as well just stick with her plan. Anything to get home faster by now.

"That works just fine Derpy, I'll be home before you is things go my way." She nibbled her muffin, still looking quite saddened.

"Hey… I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean to offend."

"Just forget about it. By now it doesn't matter." The air turned tense, the muffins disappearing slowly as Derpy went put on her Mail-Mare apparel. I folded the jacket against the table, Derpy nuzzling my leg when she was ready to go leave.

"I'm still sorry Isaac."

"I said forget about it, which means I accepted."

"Didn't sound like it." I let out a long sigh, placing the folded fabric under an arm.

"I got a lot of problems Derpy, hopefully I can clear them up today and be done with them."

"How? You mean between Pinkie and Lyra?"

"…yeah that." She lead me out of the house and into the full view of the public, some ponies already staring while others duck behind cover.

"Do you need help? I can always take the day off."

"As much as I would… strangely enjoy that, I'll be fine. After today I'm off scot free."

"I'm still not sure what the issue is here."

"Well, let's just say everything will be just fine after today." I lied through a grin, Derpy returning an equally unsure grin. I jumped for the chance of going home, but then again, this IS Equestria. Where everything is better than Earth and all the citizens are kind and (rapists) caring. As well, the prospect of living with Derpy DOES sound significantly better than going home to my usual bore of a life. I mean, why go home and spend the rest of my adolescence watching ponies on the computer when they're right here? Then again, I don't think I EVER wanna see the mane 6 EVER. Or Lyra now that I think about it. I was definitely conflicted, but in all honesty… I was decided long before the end was even near.

"Okay then… just follow me down to the clothes shop." She and I started forward in silence down the dirt path, my eyes still darting from house to house to watch for potential followers. We were be stared down by the entire village, those who DID meet my gaze sunk back into a hiding stance. The only thing I'm sure was medicating my appearance was the accompaniment of Derpy. But guessing from her reputation it wasn't much help to my already freakish appearance.

"Are we close? I don't like some of the looks we're getting." Derpy looked to each side, adjusting her little hat to see better.

"I dunno Isaac, ponies usually look at me like this all the time."

"Not very re-assuring."

"It's just around the corner, no need to worry." I still didn't quite trust her, some ponies now daring to meet my gaze either a vicious look or a sultry one. My face remained the same, confused as hell and possibly afraid. Sometimes that only seemed the make the sultry looks worse. But has Derpy promised, the building was on the next turn. The large, feminine building stood tall in its purple and white stature. It was frilly as I remembered, the carnival ride like nature of the whole place not changing one bit as we stepped up to it. The porch surrounded the structure, the guard rail hiding us slightly. The ceiling came in contact with the top of my head.

"This is the place Isaac… are you SURE you'll be alright Isaac? I mean… I can still take that day off if you want." We met gazes, my temptations of simply going home with her and never leaving painfully obvious. In no way did I want to go and do this, in no way did I know I was ACTUALLY going home. For all I knew, I could be sent back to Pinkamena when the challenge was finished. There was some sort of guarantee in staying with Derpy, I would at least have a bed and food to munch on. Even if I didn't get my own bed… Derpy was awfully cuddly.

"I can handle it, it might take a little bit to get over the um… appearance. But I promise I'll be back at the house before you get home." Even Derpy could understand I was lying, but she didn't seem sure enough to really get in the middle of it. She hugged against my leg, rubbing her face into my tigh.

"Bye Isaac." She cooed softly, her voice melancholy in tone. I patted her head softly, wanting badly to pull her into a hug.

"Don't worry Derpy, I'll be just fine." She only hugged harder, her face pressed into my leg. Some ponies trotted by us, giving Derpy and me shocked looks.

"What are YOU looking at?" I said as Berry Punch trotted passed.

"Nutin man! I can't even tell if you're real or not!" She said rather drunkenly, stumbling about with a bottle in her hand.

"Might wanna take it easy on the sauce Berry."

"Will do Celestia monkey!" She fell on her face, the bottle rolling several feet away as Derpy released me. She looked me down one time, turned and left with a heavy hoof. I watched her go for a long while, eventually she took flight and disappeared in a crazy spin out through a cloud, and explosion ringing out somewhere distant.

"Ugh… lets go fuck me a mare." I turned about and hesitantly opened the door, the frilly thing being just barely tall enough to let me in without having to duck. The inside was extremely tall compared to the ceiling of the porch, the air reeking of perfume and fabric.

"Cooooooomiiiiiiing!" A feminine, posh voice echoed from the stairs, Rarity herself trotting gracefully down the stairs.

"First customer of the day! How may I-" She stopped cold at the sight of me, her jaw dropping and eyes going wide.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just get the screaming out of the way now and let's get on with this." She looked me up and down, her tail lifting slightly and her jaw closing.

"W-would your name happen to be… Isaac perhaps?"

"Wait, you know my name?" She smiled and almost hopped in the air.

"My goodness! This is simply unheard of! I can't believe I found you! In my own store of all places too!" I viewed her like she was mad, her composure returning in a very lady like inhale.

"Mind explaining something?"

"Well dear, unless every Huhmen in Equestria is name Isaac, I know a mare that's been searching ALL over for you!"

"No… no, no, n-"

"Fluttershy darling! I found him! He's right in here.!" A fear of unstoppable proportions erupted in my chest, my arms dropping the jacket. I froze in place as Fluttershy poked her head out from behind a door, her mane frizzy and her eyes sleep depraved. Of course she essentially exploded at the side of me, her smile heartwarming but terrifying in the same motion.

"ISAAC!" She tore out of whatever room she was hiding in, tackling me painfully to the floor.

"ISAACIMISSEDYOUSOOOOOOOOMUCHNEVERWORRYMELIKETHATA GAIN!" She was dressed in a pink and purple robe, tissues clinging to her as her sticky face pressed into mine.

"My goodness Fluttershy! I didn't know he meant so much!" Rarity giggled, my shear surprise holding me in a frozen position under her.

"What happened Isaac? I just woke that morning and you were gone! I looked all over for you!" She sobbed, pressing her head into my clothed chest and letting her tears wet it. She hugged me tighter than Derpy, her little tongue coming out to run up my neck rather… stickily? Stickly-icky? Sticky-y? In that instance of wet, warm contact I shoved her off, making for the door faster than all hell.

"ISAAC! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!" Fluttershy cried from behind, my shoulder knocking the door down the petite purple piece of wood. I burst out into the sunlight, rushing out into the main street in a huffing madness. I didn't really know where I was going, I went the opposite direction of Derpy's house and straight through the market. Every pony saw me run through, most screaming and other's questioning my fear. Fluttershy followed not far behind, screaming and crying.

"ISAAC! PLEASE COME BACK I NEED YOU!" The screaming and running attracted the attention of the entire town, any pony in my way quickly jumping out of the way. Before I knew it I was hopping carts and stands, trying not to knock things down but failing drastically. Applejack's stand came in through the cross fire, my black jacket still wrapped around her forlorn body as she caught a glimpse of me.

"Isaac? Is that you?!"

"NOQUITETHECONTRARY!" She chased anyway, watching Fluttershy go past her in a similar fury of speed.

"Isaac?! What in the hay are ya'll doin?!"

"HE'S MINE!" Fluttershy squealed, picking up speed.

"FUCK. OFF!" I continued running from them, passing under a strangely out of place storm cloud. A piece of rainbow hung over the side, a pile of bottles under the cloud. I tripped over the bottles, making a huge noise before I quickly picked myself up. Rainbow Dash stirred from her perch, watching me go with the two mares tailing.

"Isaac! What happened to you?!"

"No! I deny you!" She came down from her cloud, chasing me along with the other mares. She was of course faster than them, and actually got pretty close to me. But her large liquid consumption slowed her down enough to let me elude her grasp.

"Isaac slow down! I just wanna talk!"

"Get away from me!" We all passed the library, the broken bits of glass being cleaned up by a disheveled Spike and a worried looking Twilight Sparkle. She immediately spotted me, her composure almost exactly like Fluttershy's.

"Isaac!" She started her own chase, not paying much mind to the other mares after me as well. Rarity surprisingly enough still followed Fluttershy, all of the mares becoming weary from this laborious chase.

"Isaac please! I love you!"

"Ah still got that free bed if ya'll need it!"

"Bro! I'm sorry for peeing in the tub! Come on man!"

"Get back here! Celestia's not hearing a word about this!"

"Girls?! Why are we chasing him?!" I continued to sprint in silence, tearing through SugarCube Corner again. Tables were thrown to the side as I hustled through, a pink blob accompanying a green one at one table. Something brown tumbled to the ground, a loud slopping noise following.

"MY SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!"

"Damn it all!"

"Wait- LYRA! We have to stop him before he tattles!"

"Wha-Isaac! I thought you finished him!"

"I did! Now chase!" She and Lyra sped off after me, joining the growing pastel mess behind me as a cloud of dust trailed close behind them. I myself felt I could keep this up as long as I needed to, the air in my lungs sufficient when combined with my overwhelming fear. I went as far as to leave the village, running down a path of dirt and pebbles. I looked back, the whole mane 6 and Lyra still coming quick but low on breath.

"Can't you take a hint?!"

"Bro! Any faster and I'm gonna pee again!" I kept the speed up, eventually running up a sharp hill. Only the two pegasui could keep up, the others were crawling up slowly. I came to the peak first, stopping at the fringe of a sickeningly tall drop. I stopped from running just before I slipped and plummeted, pebbles and bits of dirt dropping.

"Shit... shit, shit, SHIT!" I turned back, the mares all getting over the horizon of the hill. Most of them dropped from exhaustion, Rainbow Dash and Applejack the only ones standing.

"Now ya'll best be explainin yourself! Havin all them mares chasin ya!"

"Why are you running?! I just wanna explain myself!"

"Isaac! I thought you loved me!"

"You didn't tell the cops did you?!"

"I thought I killed you!"

"HUSH UP! All of you! Before I take a step back!" They all froze up, my foot shifting back towards the vertigo inducing drop.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa bro! No need to do something we might regret!"

"Isaac no! Please don't do it!"

"What in tarnation is wrong with you?! Jumpin off some dang cliff when a bunch a mares are askin ya ta come home with em!"

"Isaac I'm sorry! Just please don't tell Celestia!"

"WHY are we chasing him? I know Fluttershy has a reason bu-"

"How'd you come back? I thought I did a good job throwing you in the river!"

"STAHP! Just stop!" I growled, taking a fighting stance and snarling. They all took a step back, even Pinkie and Lyra.

"Are all humans as whiny as you?"

"Lyra!"

"Well sorry Fluttershy, but you'd think he'd be all over this."

"NO! That's not the point here!" They all gave me bewildered looks, my breath heavy with anger.

"What's with you?! You think love and whatever Pinkie does is worth this?! I wasn't EVER consensual with ANY of this!"

"B-but… you said yes!"

"You don't understand! I HAD to do it!"

"What in the hay is that supposed ta mean?!"

"Isaac quit being stupid! It's not like some magical force is making you do this!"

"You… none of you would understand! This is a little beyond MY comprehension!" Twilight in particular stood up, questioning me with her prying eyes.

"Isaac… we can help you! There's no need to do something as crazy as I think you're going to do." She tried to appear calm, the other ponies doing the same. Rarity, Lyra and Pinkie didn't follow suit however.

"Just… just leave me alone! I don't want your rape filled help!" Fluttershy came forward, making me take a tense step back.

"Isaac… please believe me when I say this-but… I'm sorry for what I did. Can you please forgive me?" I was about to shake my head "no", but the other mares began standing up and sniffling.

"Ahm Sorry Isaac… ah shoulda just let ya worked and gave ya the bed… it was wrong what ah did." Applejack and pulled her hat down, still boasting my jacket round her shaking body. Rainbow Dash rubbed her arm nervously, looking away from me.

"Me too man… I just… lost control there I guess. Forgive?" She then turned her gaze to me, begging with her eyes the same as the other mares.

"I don't want to make us sound like a broken record… but I'm sorry Isaac. It was… just gross what I did to you. Can you somehow find it in your heart to forgive me AND my friends?" Even Pinkie, with her mane slightly de-poofing stepped forward with Lyra by her side.

"Now that I think about it… it may have been a bad idea to hurt you. Aaaaaaaaand we're both really sorry for doing all those messed up things to you. Also the rape, tying you down and gouging your eyes-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah I got it Pinkie."

"I apologize to you… for kidnapping and selling you for the price of two movie tickets. I really could've gotten like 50 or 60 bits out of you." I leered to her, turning around to look down the cliff.

"ISAAC NO!" Fluttershy came forward once more, the mane 6 all taking a sharp gasp at my move.

"Isaac, bro, listen to me. it was an accident! Therefore, it wasn't technically rape! I'm off the hook right?!" Rainbow Dash did a little squee noise, smiling rather pathetically.

"Just don't jump man… we really don't want you to jump." Rainbow sniffled, the mane six getting closer to each other and begging in a collective manner. Their faces, say for Rarity's, all reminded me of my trials. The faces I once remembered as the cute little escapes from depression, now all of them reminders of the dirty shit I've done. I watched them as the wind blew through my hair, then turned about to look down the cliff. Two choices, jump… or stay. Plummet 100 feet to my back shattering death, or stay and deal with those faces.

"Isaac… please." Begged Fluttershy, her tears falling down to the ground.

"Please don't jump… I… need you Isaac." I stared them in the eyes, my heart melting and at the same time screaming in rage. Look back, look forward. Choices, choices, choices.


	7. DON'T JUMP!

My name is Isaac, I'm 30 years old and I live in New York. After college WW3 rolled round and I got in the army with my brother Kevin. I earned myself the US, Russian, South Korean AND Chinese medals of honor for bravery when I grabbed a Humvee and rammed it into a tank squadron. After a tank or two exploded and I killed 5 people with a combat knife, I got shot in the leg and continued to set a tank on fire with the left over oil from the other tanks. So, I went home, wrote my novel, made oodles of money and eventually was able to move out of West Virginia when I was 23 and I've been living in this freakish sky scraper the top floor since. They never did get the memo I was terrified of heights. My Dad died a few weeks ago, kicked in the face by a horse he was trying to poke. Mom's still alive, she wrote her next book and made just about as much money as I did. Kevin… well he's really dead. KIA in North Korea by sniper. Went to both their funerals, sniffled a bit with Mom. It sucked, but I moved on alright. It's odd I was able to get over that so fast, I mean… I never did get over that whole pony incident. I mean… I didn't jump but that wasn't the whole story. To really understand what I mean, let's just cut to a flashback.

"Isaac… ah know wut yer thinkin… but ah want ya to reconsider." They all hugged against each other, tears dripping down from their giant white lenses. I shook a little bit… watching in a bit of despair as they sniffled and snorted a bit.

"Alright fine… I'm not gonna jump… but keep your damn hooves off-" They all tackled me, throwing their arms round me all at once in a smile filled hugged. Fluttershy on my neck, Applejack on my torso, Rainbow Dash on my face and Twilight on my legs. Even Pinkie clasped onto my shins.

"Oh god damn it!"

"THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!"

"Ah Isaac! You're welcome at the farm anytime!"

"Bro, you and I are going places!"

"Isaac thank you! I promise never to strap you to a table again!"

"I'm so slightly sorry for cutting you! This calls for a party!"

"I'm still… quite lost girls." Rarity wasn't really paid much attention, my head resting on a very dissatisfied hand.

"Are we done here girls?" The all shook their heads "no", my sigh also being ignored entirely. It was a very long day, we all went back to sugar cube corner and started a private party, my eyes never ceasing in their searching motion. I kept an eye on Pinkie and Lyra, hoping that their little impulse of earlier wouldn't be a problem. The mares mostly kept near me, none of them (say for Rarity and Pinkie ) taking a hoof off me the entire time. I stayed at one table, sipping my drink every once in a while and answering questions that the mares never could run out of. Rarity was at the opposite end of me, watching in extreme confusion.

"What happened to you Isaac? You were with me that night and then in the morning you were gone!"

"Uuuuh… I had… duties I needed to attend to?"

"Duties? What could that mean?"

"Especially since ya'll came ta me." I gave Applejack a deadly serious leer, giving her a signal not to expound on my real motivations.

"You went to Applejack? Why?"

"I was… on my way… back home and I…"

"He came ta me in search of some food and a map. Ah was gonna give it to him but uh… things got a little intimate… then Granny chased him away."

"Then he met me!" Dash stated, patting my shoulder.

"Crazy pony was out getting hammered!"

"Why would you do that if you had duties to attend to?"

"Uuuuuh…"

"Oh come on Fluttershy! I met him like a day AFTER his little thing with AJ. He probably already done and was celebrating!"

"Well then… why didn't he come back?"

"Last thing I remember… I think he crashed at my place and bailed."

"No. I fell out."

"Ah, see? Then Twilight picked him up cuz of his injuries and then... I'm not sure WHAT she did to him." Me and Twilight looked to each other, her gaze turning sheepish and her vision moving away from my own.

"Let's just say… I got carried away when I started-"

"Taking care of me like ANY nice pony would. I really drove her to do it by being naked. It's really my fault."

"Yeah! That's exactly what happened!"

"Doesn't really seem like something Isaac would provoke."

"Ah can't really see that happenin with Isaac."

"Just be honest, what REALLY happened?"

"If you don't believe me I can just leave you know." I started to stand, the mares all pulling me down at the same time. With a collective-

"NO!" I landed back in the seat with a thump, Rarity now even more bewildered.

"Alright alright! I won't go anywhere Jesus!" They all sighed a bit in relief, Fluttershy nuzzling me in the chest. Rarity threw me a glance, questioning about something.

"If you're wondering about Pinkie… I don't wanna talk about it."

"I wasn't. But I DO have another question for you."

"Shoot."

"Why?"

"Well… I guess you can call it a gigantic accident."

"Hm… I think you're avoiding something Isaac."

"Well… that's not true." She had me cornered and she knew it, her smirk only betraying it.

"Aw come on Rarity! Isaac's got nothin to hide from us." Rainbow Dash said matter of factly, hugging against my face with hers.

"He aint lyin, he aint got nothin ta gain by lyin!" Applejack insisted, pressing her head into my arm.

"Rarity, just let him rest. He's had a long day." Even I was a little confused, I never expected these ponies to take such a tone with their own friend. But Rarity only giggled, rolling her eyes.

"Oh goodness, defend all you wish love birds! It's simply adorable!" She giggled, watching as the mares nuzzled me. My eyes rolled in their sockets, Rarity's face even more questioning.

"Having fun Isaac?" Rarity questioned rather harshly.

"I guess if that's what they call it now."

"Oh course he's having fun! He's getting hugged by me!" Rainbow stated, holding her head high. Rarity giggled, taking a sip from her glass.

"Will he ever have a moment to breathe girls?" Fluttershy changed her face to "thoughtful", tapping her chin.

"No."

"Nah."

"Yeah, no."

"Not very probable."

"Oh joy." I said sarcastically, the mares giggling and only hugging tighter. The night carried on like that, none of the mares on me ever daring to let go or even look away. Rarity of course, watched and giggled. The only concerning part, her smirk. A smirk that very much leads the mind to believe that this woman is planning something that is bad for your penis. Or… good-whatever your view on it is. Eventually it was pitch black outside, the party winding down slowly as the mares eventually loosened their grips on me. Fluttershy was first, eventually crawling up into my lap to make me hold her. Twilight eventually did the same, nuzzling my belly as Fluttershy lay across her and nuzzled my chest. Rainbow and Applejack were nice enough to let go eventually. Both of them just sitting in chairs that were next to me. Fluttershy and Twilight fell asleep even, their small breaths lightly beating against my chest. Rainbow and Applejack took them home, spending a good 5 minutes kissing me and being sure that I would have a place to stay and would be there tomorrow. Of course I said yes, and for that they both paid me a smooch and left. Honestly I wanted to stay in Equestria, I mean it's super nifty to be here and it's like having and acid trip every second. But… this WAS a challenge, and obviously staying around a bunch of overly lovey mares didn't sound too appealing. Especially the mane 6 from A LITTLE GIRL'S SHOW OHMYGODWHATITISWRONGWITHYOU?!

On a different note, and a different paragraph, Pinkie and Lyra went upstairs some time ago. The creaking noise only worsening my migraine. I stayed at my table for quite a while, sipping on my drink until I was chewing rounded ice cubes. Rarity was also still attendance, her clever smirk FAR from disappearing. Of course I had to pee like mad, I had a crazy migraine and my suit is still stiffer than cardboard… whatever Rarity had in store was bound to piss me off.

"What are you looking so smart for Rarity?"

"Oh nothing… but I believe I'm starting to understand something you're hiding."

"Oh?"

"I want you to think for me Isaac, based on what I've heard how can you expect me to believe a word you said?"

"I want you to explain to me what you're getting at."

"Having relations with 5 mares? 5 mares and you're completely capable of just… letting them go?"

"I think we've hit a point in this conversation that I like to call a "miscommunication" Rarity."

"Is that so Isaac?"

"Indeed."

"What if I was to say I was quite the gossip?"

"I'd have trouble disputing that friend."

"Do you understand what I'm saying Isaac?"

"I think I'm half way there. I know my story is extremely preposterous… but it's all I have at the moment to explain myself. "

"Indeed, I believe you are not what you say you are to be."

"What DID I say I was?"

"I'm pushing the idea that you sir, are nothing but a stallion whore."

"Is that so?"

"Very much."

"Well, thou are entitled to their opinion as much as I am. I'm sorry you feel that way."

"And what if I were to propose telling the entire town?" I sat up straight in my seat, cracking an ice cube in my molars.

"Why on Earth would you feel the need to do such?"

"I'm a good friend and I will NOT have my friends made out to be fools by the likes of you." My gaze was not friendly, the seriousness of the moment laying upon my shoulders like a ton of bricks.

"Rest assured Rarity… to do something like THAT is the farthest thing from my mind in this situation."

"Hm, professional whores are always good liars Darling."

"You've made your point, now please believe me I just want to go home and go to bed."

"With who? Fluttershy? Rainbow Dash? Applejack? Pinkie and Lyra?" She pressed on, leaning further and further over the table and punctuating each name.

"This. Is. A. misunderstanding. If you want to give me even MORE trouble than I've already had, then please, go. I DO have a family to go home to."

"You have a family? And you've been doing what you've been doing?"

"Well, by family I mean a retarded mail horse pouring battery acid in my juice." She threw a hilarious look my way, questioning in extreme bewilderment.

"It's hard to explain." She shook her head, regaining her composure and facing me again.

"Well, there might be a way to… persuade me from doing so."

"I don't have any money."

"I don't want money."

"I don't have drugs."

"What are those?"

"You can have the suit just leave me the underwear."

"That was half of it." She began her smirk again, my brain stacking the blocks in the correct order needed for thought.

"You want to have sex with me don't you?"

"If THAT'S the terminology you wish to use, basically yes."

"Why? Why in all the wide world of reason would you want to do this?"

"Well, I say if you're good enough to have 4 mares wanting to cling to you for 4 straight hours, you must be doing something right." She said, giggling a bit at the end. I wanted to stand and leave, I wanted to just throw the glass at her and walk out. But of course I'm such a wienie I just sat there looking cranky.

"You're going to make me aren't you?"

"No. of course not. It's YOUR decision dear. Now, you know the consequences of saying "no"."

"Hm… I think I've been officially cornered here."

"I just know my way around much better than you dear."

"Although I must say, this is quite despicable."

"Perhaps, but what YOU'VE done is just the same."

"Doesn't amend for it."

"Depends on who you ask now doesn't it?" She continued smirking, getting out of her seat and swaying her hips up to me. She made her way up to me, hopping up onto my lap enough to rest her head on my thighs.

"Let me ask you then. Do YOU find it despicable?"

"Doesn't bother me, seeing how you've done such to all my friends."

"I'll do anything else."

"The more you fight it the more I want it." I starred her down with my "I am frustrated" glare. She only seemed to smile even wider from that.

"You're cute when you're angry darling."

"Hm, not sure I like that."

"Unless you want the entirety of Ponyville and Canterlot to know about you and your-"

"Enough… where are we doin this?"

"Oh I'm sure there's a room upstairs no pony's using dear… you just have to carry me there." She hopped into my lap, resting on her belly and using her magic to burry my arms under her. I groaned, putting my head to the table before I stood up in the meager light of the room. She was surprisingly light, her body much softer than say Applejack and Rainbow Dash. Her tail wrapped round my arm as her perfumed scent smashed into my nose. It wasn't too powerful as much as it was potent. The smell of 100% feminine pervaded her space as I carted her begrudgingly up the stairs. She giggled and pawed at my chin, daintily flipping her mane about. The door finally crawled into my vision, Rarity opening it with her magic.

"Is there ANYthing else you'd be willing to except besides this?"

"Oh come now Isaac drop the sad boy act, I'm fully aware of your little game."

"If this WAS game I already lost at Fluttershy."

"Chin up boy, once this act is complete I will simply drop my advances."

"You best not be lying." I carried her in, tempted just to drop her on the floor. But she squirmed out of my grip and hopped onto the bed gracefully. The door behind me closed shut quietly, locking with a sudden click. Rarity lay on her back, her fore-hooves resting on her chest as her haunches split to show her spread. Her belly looked rather soft, her slit only slightly reddened on the bulgy bit. I looked down on it, my stomach lurched audibly. She giggled, using her magic to pull on my tie.

"Come on Isaac… it's all warm just for you."

"Ugh… such horrible motivation."

"What SHOULD I say darling?" She looked up to me again with her large begging eyes, ripping-RIPPING my shirt off with her magic.

"Just… nothing. I like that better."

"But I like to talk dirty Isaac… now get yourself in this bed and rut me." She cooed softly, the light of the lamp barely obscuring my incredibly angry face. I sadly nudged into the bed, straddling her with my hips over hers.

"Hm, hm… unless you intend to rut me through your trousers."

"Getting to that… most ponies enjoy foreplay first… or no sex is okay too." She smirked and pushed her lips to mine, the soft scent and taste of fruity lipstick on her mouth. I closed my eyes tightly, trying to imagine something more friendly as her tongue worked its way into my mouth probed about. She moaned quietly, her fore-hooves wrapping round my neck as her magic started to rip off my pants. I was using my hands to keep myself propped up, leaving the procedure entirely to her. Of course it wasn't too feasible from her angle, so she went ahead and tore them into shreds.

"Hey, hey! Those were my only pants!"

"Oh hush up and rut me big boy!" She said, rubbing her warm genitals against my underwear. Her slit opened up slightly, enough to get hold of the limb in my pants.

"Not even hard yet darling?"

"I told you, it WASN'T a game." She rolled her eyes, pushing me onto my back and sitting in the bed.

"Honestly, you drag this act on far too long Isaac."

"Whatever makes you feel better Rarity." She wiggled down so her head was perpendicular to my genitals, her magic pulling down my underwear and tearing my shoes and socks off.

"I hope you don't mind dear, but a lady doesn't really "suck cock" as they say. So, I'm just going to do a little down here to get you going." She said, looking back at me as her horn let off a small blue aura of light. My member took the same aura, her attention turned back to it. I expected some erection magic bullshit again, but instead a weird wave of sick pleasure ran down my spine. I tensed up and almost hopped off the bed, the feeling as if something warm and wet was wrapped round my genitals. She giggled at my response, whipping her tail to her side and revealing herself again.

"Go on dear… get to it." She wiggled her tush slightly, her tail tickling my nose. I rolled my eyes, the pressure on my member making me pant tiredly as I reached up and grabbed a cheek. She gasped slightly, the magic aura round my member thickening as the feeling shot through me. Looking away and covering my eyes with a free hand I felt about until I found something warm and wet and quickly dipped a finger into it. She blushed heavily, her gaze focused on my shamefully erect member.

"Oh… my. I've never felt… something like this before." I sighed and pushed in another finger, pumping in and out slowly with the blackness of my vision still hiding the reality of it. For whatever reason, the feeling of the warm, pulsing wetness around my member brought a grey blob into the blackness. The grey blob came closer and closer with a yellow blob atop it's huge head, another long blob from its butt. Realizing real quick what it was I ripped my hand from my face, Rarity nuzzling into my waist heavily as I continued to work her marehood. She pulled away from my waist, turning in a way to pop my fingers out painfully from her pink insides.

"Isaac… I know this isn't terribly lady like but… goodness please RUT ME! Rut me until it hurts! I want your big, long COCK inside of-" I put a finger to her mouth, shushing her.

"Alright alright! Jebus Christ lady!" She smiled, although rather displeased with my terminology. She straddled my member with her hips, her drippiness hanging over as the heat radiating off it warm my already engorged genitals. She stared down for a bit, looking to my face then back down repeatidly.

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"Aren't you going to put it in?"

"Do I have to? Cuz if you say "no" I'm aware of a much BETTER plan."

"I'm not touching it with my HOOVES! You do it, it's yours anyhow." She continued to stand over me, watching intently as I grabbed it and stood myself upwards to her opening. She gasped a little at the touch, bucking quickly to bury half the head.

"Oooooooh… so easy just to… slide in." She stuttered, letting herself down slowly and moaning softly. The feeling was… tight. She was definitely tighter than the other ponies I had the "pleasure" of meeting. How I had come to remembering that, I don't even know. Even though she came all the way to the base, only stopping on account of my hips.

"Is that it? It looked so much bigger from the outside." She said rather disappointed, lifting up anyway and squeezing in intermittent patterns with her insides. Trying not to gag I grabbed the sheets, only shutting my eyes tighter.

"Very funny Rarity."

"At least look to me when doing thi~AH!" She came down harder that time, her wet clit actually touching to my waist. She used her magic to direct my view to her face, my eyes only opening to a painfully hoof smack across the face.

"Look at me when I am talking to you!"

"How bout when you're NOT riding me like a depraved addict?!" She leered more angrily, only to drop her face to nuzzle my neck as she picked up pace with her hips.

"Isaac! I love you big human cock! It feels so good inside me!"

"Oh give me a break." She ignored that, only pounding further and further on my member. Her marehood contracted repeatedly, her horn glowing to stimulate her own clit at the same time.

"OH YES! YES! Fuck me!" She almost choked me with her head, gripping tighter and tighter with her little arms as she panted and moaned into my neck. The only thing I could really consider doing was letting my hands stay on the sheets, not willing to grab anything that bashed into me. Her heart pounded against my chest, her juices leaking down my thighs and onto the bed sheets with a warm trickling sensation. The smell of her perfume still overpowered my nose, the only other smell being the smell of her minty breath being pumped into my face by her close up hugging.

"Oh Celestia… OH CELESTIA I'M GONNA CUM!" She yelled dramatically, pushing her hips into mine even faster. She went so fast, I almost felt a bit of something in the waste besides her bashing. But, it didn't last long as she simply slammed down one more time, holding herself there with her hind legs to the high pressure little squirts pop out from our contact.

"OH ISAAAAAAC!" She screamed, finally collapsing onto my chest. She panted and panted, little beads of sweat running down her and onto me.

"I see why the other mares… took to you sir." She said, nuzzling only deeper into me.

"I hate Ponies… fucking hate ponies." With that being uttered, there was a powerful flash of white that replaced the setting of SugarCube corner. My clothes somehow returned to my figure, the stiffness unfortunately following.

"Hey faggot get up." A can of soda clocked me in the face, the voice familiar.

"OW! Wait, God?" It was fascinating, the thing that stood before me was nothing but fascinating. Just to keep it brief, South Park hit the nail on the head with the appearance.

"I said get up faggot." He said, throwing another beer can at my face. Upon successful strikage I stood up, his appearance only getting weirder. He stood there with a jersey that said "fuck plot" in red against a white background, a soda drinking hat and sweat pants.

"Heh heh, long time no see ass wipe."

"Hush mortal, I got somethin to tell ya."

"Really now? And what might that be Mister Almighty?"

"Ugh… you did it. You can go home if you like." I smiled wide and cheered, throwing a fist in the air and dancing about him.

"HA! HA HA! I DID IT YEAH! IN YOUR FACE!" I squealed, doing my retard jig about him and laughing like a mad man. He simply stood there, frowning rather angrily and crossing his arms.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah whatever. Looks like my weekly entertainment's going back to making different people live together and starting wars." He pouted, my smile only getting bigger.

"YOU thought I couldn't do it! You made it SOOOOOOO much harder than it should've been! I FUCKIN DIED once and still won! YEAH! I. AM. SANTA CHRIST!" I cheered more, eventually stopping in front of him.

"You done?"

"Sorta." I said, exasperated from the trip and dance.

"Okay, now that THAT weird ego trip is out of the way, I have one question left for you."

"What's that?"

"Twilicorn. Hate it or hate it?"

"Oh that's easy, I think it's a great idea!"

"…what?" He whispered in a bit of disbelief, my sincerity concerning him.

"Well, what's wrong with it? I think it's an interesting turn off-" without another word he pulled a shank and shanked me several time in the stomach.

"YOU. SON. OF. A. BITCH!" He said, stabbing on every word. I fell to the floor in a puddle of blood, shocked from the brutality of it.

"That's what ya get bitch! Just TRY and win a contest against me!"

"Oblivion… is still… over rated." I blacked out, the perpetual silence bringing me back to my room.

Now that was 12 years ago, the stabbing didn't do anything to me when I came back though. If anything it was just god being a little cranky for loosing. Since then I haven't seen a single episode of MLP, I gave away all my pony merch, did the same with my figures. Burned my posters, clear my Netflix, threw out my shoes and changed my gamertag. The fandom, I have no idea what happened to it. I think it made it to season 6 before the bronies got so bitchy about the changes they took it down. Still has reruns every once in a while. However, one of my fans figured out I was once a brony, and had recently sent me this small package. The only thing inside was a small note reading "watch this, it's beyond reason" and a small flash drive. Of course I read ALL my fan mail and so I plugged it in and pulled up a video. It was My Little Pony Season four episode one. Of course I had never watched it so my first reaction was to skip, but the story was… farfetched to say the least. It was a Derpy episode believe it or not, but she wasn't exactly doing what I would've expected. The first frame it see, is Derpy, in front of her house, with a banner hanging from her house. She looked pained and ruined, like someone close to her had died. The banner read, "please come home Isaac" in small black lettering so terribly misspelled and crooked I could barely make it out, but there it was. At first I thought it was just a coincidence, but the episode continued with adventures, looking everywhere with the mane 6 to find me. Never actually doing so. The last frame, is Derpy again, very sad, taking the banner down after 4 weeks… and walking back into her house. Alone.

_**Author's notes: Ugh, my fingers hurt and this is stupid. And vote gosh darn it! I only got like 5!**_


	8. Or: JUMP!

The drop only seemed to get higher and higher every second I looked down it, the mares twitching every time I turned to look down. I'm horribly afraid of heights, more so of fucking falling. I looked to them, honestly having second thoughts about jumping. But as if luck was ready to throw its self over as well, the ground underneath me gave out.

"Aaaaaaaaw shit." I barely uttered, tumbling backwards into the thin air. The pegasui of the group rushed forward to jump over the edge, even Fluttershy jumping over out of shock. I plummeted backwards, the wind whipping past me as the two mares came closer and closer to catching me. Rainbow Dash being on the verge of peeing herself couldn't go so fast, but Fluttershy almost had a grip on my foot. If she had hands she MAY have been able to catch me. But instead she fumbled about and stopped abruptly. I wondered why she stopped if not for just a split second before I hit the ground. Enough to listen to my own back snap, but the millisecond afterwards I was in the void of white I had seen too many times before.

"Isaac… ya blew it." God's familiar voice rang out, seeming as if it was just above me. I looked upwards, seeing South Park had pretty much hit the nail on the head with his appearance.

"Ya jumped… ya really jumped."

"More or less slipped, but I've learned not to argue with you." He pulled me up, sporting a jersey, a drink hat and a pair of sweat pants.

"The fuck's with you?"

"What do think I've been doing Isaac? You've replaced Sunday football in my house." He said, sipping from his drink hat and sneezing. I gave him a sad look, knowing too well what was in store for me.

"I have to start again don't I?"

"Mkay, idea here. You won't have to start again… but I have a proposition."

"Oh god…"

"I will drop you into a different universe each time, and when you see one you can tolerate, say yes. If you don't like what you see, then say no."

"This could go terribly wrong…"

"Exactly retard." He said. burping and waving his tiny paw.

"You ready?"

"No."

"See ya Isaac." The whiteness exploded, disappearing as I jolted back to standing there at the ledge. Confused I looked to the mane 6, almost falling over from the sight its self.

"Isaac! Don't jump bro!" Came a male voice.

"Please! I need you!" Came another. All the mares that once stood before me were now stallions, their heads like bricks and their bodies much bigger than before.

"God!"

"What? Already?"

"Not workin for me."

"Ugh… try this." The jolt returned, the mane 6 being replaced with colorful spiders.

"AAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAH! SPIDERS! SPIDERS! SPIDERS!" I screamed like a little girl, immediately hopping off the cliff. The jolt came a third time, the mane 6 looking rather normal.

"What's the catch here?"

"Futa."

"NO!"

"Okay, this one HAS to work." Another jolt, the group of mares all turned into humans.

"… no. It's better but it doesn't help." I came back to the white void with a loud bang, God immediately smacking me with a tiny paw.

"Come on faggot! What will make you happy!"

"OW! Maybe if I could just go home!"

"Hell no!"

"Then there it is!" I said, poking him in his fat, furry chest. He glared rather evilly, frowning harder than any other living thing I've ever seen.

"The challenge is extended… you have to fuck Derpy AND Sweetie Belle to get home now… IN THE BUTTS!"

"WHAT?!"

"Them the rules faggot."

"But… but one's just wrong and the other illegal!"

"Oh boo hoo, you cuddled Derpy, just have to sway Sweetie Belle and pork Rarity."

"On all levels of the idiom… easier said than done."

"Then get to "doing" and fuck off!" He delivered a swift kick to my testicles, making the entirety of the space spin incomprehensively spin out of control. The spinning flung me onto the ground belly first, my legs hanging off the edge of the cliff.

"FUCK." I scraped at the ground, slipping down slowly as the mares came to try and grasp my hand.

"Sweet Celestia save him!" Fluttershy screamed, their hooves collectively missing by an inch as I plummeted again.

"NOT AGAIN!" I yelled, bewildering some of the mares as Rainbow Dash flew down to save me. I expected to hit the ground again, Dash's stomach contents not doing much to help her. She grunted and wheezed, getting closer and closer to my foot. I wasn't really sure whether or not I wanted her to save me, I'm honestly a little adverse to jumping. But this is definitely within the realms of reasonable. Suddenly a felt something slam into my side, not grabbing my as much as tackling me and sending me off course. Rather than dropping straight down I tumbled sideways through the air, eventually hitting the ground with a visceral thump.

"AH!" I simply grunted, bouncing and rolling a good distance before coming to a stop face down in the dirt of a road. While I was simply content to just lay there for a good while, a sound of three pairs of flapping wings approached.

"Why in the name of Celestia do you do that?!"

"Why was he jumping form a cliff?!"

"I almost had him! You killed him!"

"I saved him! He's probably just a little beat up!" Something rolled me over, Fluttershy's face next to Rainbow Dash's as she got a hold on my cheeks with her hooves.

"Isaac! Isaac are you alright?! Please talk!"

"Fluttershy! He's fucked! Nothing could come back from a fall like that!" She wasn't convinced, getting her face all up in my grill and shaking my head.

"Come on Isaac! I know you're alright! You're better than that!"

"Uuuuuuuugh… stop… shaking my-"

"Isaac!" She squeed, hugging me round the neck tightly.

"Ah! AAAAAAAAAH!" I responded, Rainbow Dash pulling her off. Something else touched to my chest, a much softer, lighter touch.

"Get away from him!" Came Derpy's voice, the sound of several hoof clops came from somewhere distant.

"Rainbow Dash! Fluttershy! Is he okay?!" Came Twilight's voice, her hooves stopping next to me along with Rarity Applejack and Pinkie.

"Get away!" Derpy snarled, pressing onto my chest.

"AH! S-stop!" I barely choked out, blood spurting from my mouth.

"Sweet Celestia, derpy he needs help! We need to get him to the hospital!"

"Then I'll take him! You ponies just… I dunno! Just no bad touchies on my stallion!"

"Your stallion? He told ME he loved ME!"

"Fluttershy! We'll argue about it later! Right now he needs help!" Derpy slipped on her hoof, hitting her large fluffy head into my chest. Of course, already having a few ribs broken, I blacked out with a groan.

Thankfully I came to in a hospital bed, the only other occupant in the room being Derpy. My legs we both in large casts, my right arm in one as well. My left arm only had bandages, all of them colored a pinkish red from the excessive bleeding that must've occurred. My chest was bandaged as well, several red spots showing spot of cuts and bruises. It hurt terribly to breath, feeling my ribs move as they weren't supposed to.

"Wha… where am I?"

"Hospital. We carried you here after you went to sleep. Kinda weird you fell asleep after something like that."

"Well… where are the other 7 ponies?"

"They're all on restraining order, I asked that they wouldn't be allowed in until you said so."

"Why do they wanna come in?"

"They wanted to say they were sorry, but I didn't really believe them. Seeing how you jumped rather than accepted." She said, sitting next to the bed and patting my shoulder.

"Does raise the question… what happened Isaac? Why were you on a cliff near my mail route?" I tried to think of a good answer, not wanting to outright say I was whoring it up with 5 different mares and whatever the hell you call what Pinkie does. So I just lied, because lying to Derpy is kind of like putting on socks really. Ya do it, stuff em in your shoe and just forget about them. Unless you have a spider in your socks. That sucks.

"A very loooooooong compilation of events that really make no sense. That's all I can say."

"Hm, need a little more than that Isaac."

"Uuuuuuh… that's where we were doing the "working it out" I was talking about, but I slipped and fell."

"Okay… but why were they crying?"

"Very stupid emotional matters were being dealt with." She cringed a bit, somewhere in a place of Derpy thoughts no human could possibly imagine.

"I'm still really confused."

"Me too Derpy… me too." I tried to pat her hoof, my arm feeling like it was severed from my torso.

"Ah! Damn it, how long am I gonna be in this bed?"

"The doctors said they could fix you-"

"Really? Then why haven't they done it already?" She shuffled nervously, her hoof moving to rub my neck affectionately.

"Well… there's a catch."

"PLEASE don't tell me I have to rut the nurse!"

"What? No, no… it's um…"

"Derpy… come on now it can't be THAT bad." She took a sharp breath, regaining her composure.

"They'd have to turn you into a pony to use magic, but the spell to turn ponies into huhmens doesn't exist. So you'd be stuck as whatever you were turned into."

"Oh… well… that's fuckin dumb."

"It's none of my business what you do… but um… honestly… I kinda like you as a Huhmen." She blushed, heavily, her hoof going to rest on my shoulder once again.

"Trust me I like being me as well… but it really sucks that it feels like a million knifes in my chest at once when I breathe."

"I hate you're in so much pain Isaac! I honestly do! But… it'll be so long before you'll be all better. It'd be so much easier for you to be a pony… I respect your decision. Whatever it may be." Let me tell you now, there wasn't a thought about it. I like being human, I've been a human for a long time now. As well, my OC is a terrible plague spreading dick, and even if I'm NOT turned into him, they'd figure out damn quick I was underage and lock my ass up. Hopefully, I mean Equestria has laws in place to prevent that right? … right?!

"I'll stay human… it's cool having hands I must admit." She looked to me and smiled, I tried to move my head to look to her, until I realized I was in a bit of a brace.

"Ugh… this isn't gonna be fun."

"Sorry sweetie."

"Sweetie?"

"I mean Isaac! Yeah! That's totally… what I meant!" She stuttered with her words, blushing and snorting a bit in excitement. Her wings twitched audibly, her tail wagging at the same volume. The idea alone made me smile and laugh a little, the feeling in my chest like I had swallowed a nail bomb. I wasn't too long before Derpy nuzzled my face a bit, her little breathes warming my face and huffing my scent.

"So what are you gonna do Derpy? Just sit here and wait for me to get better?"

"I brought a pillow incase my tushy gets sore." She said, slipping a pillow under her bum to block the flat, hard stool. ( if I get one comment about wanting to be that pillow I will personally remove my own penis with my bare hands )

"Clever." I said with a chuckle, Derpy throwing her arms round my shoulders painfully and squeeing softly. I sat there in this content for quite some time, finally getting some sort of manliness to poke out of me.

"Bring em in."

"What?"

"Let the other mares come in… one at a time."

"Isaac… why would you want to do that?"

"Let's just say… I've gone too damn far by now not to say sorry." She still looked a bit confused, hopping down from her chair anyway and opening the door.

"He said you can come in. One at a time though." She left the room, keeping the door open to let an extremely disheveled Fluttershy in. She approached slowly, sniffling and sobbing quietly as she took Derpy's seat.

"H-… hey Isaac."

"Hey… listen… I just wanted to say I was sorry. I never meant to drag you into this."

"What do YOU have to be sorry for?" She meeped quietly, wiping her eyes with a little tissue.

"Well… in all fairness I did technically say "yes" after all."

"But… that's no excuse on my end Isaac."

"No, no, no. There were plenty of ways I could've prevented this. I just let shit happen that wasn't supposed to."

"Whatever could you mean?"

"It's…. undeniably hard to explain. Let's just say, we were both wrong and all I want is to make amends. So, to you Fluttershy I say… sorry." She sniffed a bit, wiping her eyes one more time before throwing the tissue in a small trashcan by the bed.

"I'm sorry Isaac… I hope we can still be friends in the future."

"I'm not saying never, I'm just saying improbable."

"Good enough for me." She said, nuzzling my neck a bit before hopping form the stool. She left the room with a tiny smile on her face, giving me at least a small bit of reassurance. I know what you're thinking, so stop it and focus. Fuckin sicko. On the OTHER not of what you're thinking, if they were humans I'd want to kill them sure. But, god damn it, they're adorable little colorful ponies that have brought me so much joy in the past, I just can't let them feel guilty for the rest of their lives. So get over it. Applejack trotted in, holding my jacket in one hoof as she climb the stool and cringed a bit at my appearance.

"You aint lookin to good partner… guess that be our fault."

"Well… I ran to the cliff didn't I?"

"Dat aint important… what IS important is wut ah gotta say." She laid my jacket over my covered body, removing her hat.

"Ah know ya'll probably wanna ring ma neck like a bad chicken... and I accept that. But just hear me out when ah say ahm truly sorry Isaac. Ah shoulda known it was a bad idea what I did."

"How have you felt since then?"

"Well… horrible really. Every night ahve been having dreams bought how sad ah made ya. Taken advantage of ya… I just can't get over what a terrible thing ah done." She slumped a bit in her seat, holding her hat close to her chest.

"Then I think you've been through quite enough… I can find it in my heart to forgive you." She started smiling wide, her tail begging to wag.

"BUT… I'm not saying we can be particularly good friends any time soon." She drooped a little, putting her hat back on and putting a hoof in my hand, shaking them about with the other hoof.

"Thank ya kindly Isaac… you're still always welcome at the farm if ya'll need a place to stay."

"Don't count on it." She actually chuckled a little, getting back to the floor and walking out. She continued to stare down my jacket, even as she walked out.

"You know what… keep the jacket. I don't have much use for it." She didn't even verbally respond, happily snatching it up and smiling with a squee. She opened the door and went out it, stumbling out more or less trying to fit the thing over her head. The door didn't even close before Dash zipped in, hovering over me rather than taking a seat on the stool.

"Sup Isaac?" She said forlorn, sounding extremely nervous as she rubbed her hooves together.

"Dash." I responded simply, Dash taking a seat on the part of the bed my body wasn't laying on. She lay her tail across my legs, looking down on me.

"It's gonna be awhile before we go out drinking again is it?"

"Oh dear yes." She shrunk a bit at my joking, her tail swishing back and forth on my legs.

"Isaac man… let me just say something."

"Alrighty then."

"I shouldn't have done any of that. It was weird and kinda gross."

"Well, YOU didn't get peed on."

"That too. Look man I just wanna say I'm sorry. I'm not so good with apologies but… all I want is for you NOT to hate me and my friend's guts."

"Convincing Dash."

"Okay how bout this? I promise NEVER to drink again. So this kind of thing will never happen between us. That good? Please?" She started to sniffle a bit, obviously just wanting me to accept her true apology. For the record, I'm a cold hearted bastard and severely dislike many, many, many, many, MANY people. The key word being people.

"That's alright Dash… we can be… civil to one and other from now on. But I would draw the line at good friends." She shrugged, flapping her wings to lift her from the bed.

"I can live with that… we cool?"

"Kinda." She nodded anyway, being on her way and kicking open the door. Twilight, shuffled in, looking to the floor and squeaking nervously.

"Twilight. This isn't going to get any better with you just staring at the floor." She still refused to look to me, embarrassed of her actions to the nth degree.

"I um… I'm sorry I honestly can't even look at you anymore."

"Why's that?"

"When I do… it… just makes me feel… dirty." She barely whispered, sounding more like Fluttershy than her normal self.

"What do you think I asked you in here for?"

"T-… to yell at me."

"Well, you're wrong. I brought you in here to negotiate." She perked up slightly, sniffling a bit.

"Are you sure? I'd after what I've done you'd want to strangle me."

"We're both civilized here, maybe we can come to terms with our actions." She took a tense, ragged breath, hopping up onto the stool and still averting her gaze.

"How bad you feeling right now Twilight?"

"Like I… just wanna curl up and die." I actually felt a little sadder for hearing that, I mean she WAS still Twilight Sparkle. You know, an adorable little pony who we've all come to love and adore.

"You think you've learned your lesson?" She didn't respond, simply nodding her head as tears dribbled from her face.

"Then you're off the hook… but we won't exactly be the best of friends from now on." She looked to me, sniffling and holding back a torrent of tears.

"Come on now, if a pony cries then I have to cry." I said, barely being able to move and arm out to offer a hug. She watched my arm move, slowly putting her arms round my neck and squeezing gently. She didn't seem to mind the rather dirty bandages, gently pressing her face into the side of my head. We only held the position for a second, Twilight understand the terms in which this was done.

"Thanks Isaac… I needed that."

"Live well Twilight… THEN I can truly forgive you. And DO NOT write to Celestia about this."

"Not a problem Isaac." She said still sounding a bit sad, but leaving anyway. With that Pinkie and Lyra entered, both of them staying in the door frame.

"Pinkie come here." She slowly approached, taking a seat on the stool. Her mane had entirely depoofed, her frown huge enough to cover her face. I grabbed by the neck roughly with my good arm, bringing her right to my face and glaring. My voice was low, quiet and ragged.

"I. Came. Back."

"I-I can see that… are you evil?"

"Maybe, but I want you to know something. Your days of whatever the hell it is you do are fuckin over if you ever try that again… you hear me?" She shivered a bit, nodding a "yes" in response with a loud gulp.

"I understand Isaac… just please don't hurt me. I'm so sorry." She squeaked, sounding genuine enough. I let her neck go and pushed her away, still glaring off at the wall.

"Does that mean you won't go telling every pony about it?" She said nervously, rubbing her hooves together as Lyra held her leg to reassure her.

"You both… owe me for life. If I ask a favor of you for the rest of eternity… you are obligated FUCKING FORCED… to do that favor as best as you fuckin can. Ya hear?" They both nodded, terrified ironically. I was in no position to really be commanding them to do things, but I had the greatest tool of all time at my disposal. BLACKMAIL BABY!

"Get the fuck out… and pray to Celestia you never pull this shit on another pony. Because I WILL know, I WILL tell… and you two will be fucked harder than you DARE to imagine... now get out." Pinkie scurried out, Lyra throwing a small black square onto my belly before following Pinkie. I picked it up, the fine leather nice against my bare fingers.

"A wallet?" I flicked it open and looked through it, a bundle of paper falling out with a small note. The note I opened first, reading the familiar writing.

"_Dear Isaac,_

_While me and Pinkie can never verbally express how sorry we are to your stubborn ass, I've taken the liberty to at the least try and make it worth your while. Go to the bank and exchange this paper for bits, it's worth about 3000 bits. Now I'm very much aware this is HARDLY worth what you've been through, but it's everything I have. I'm not going to pretend we'll ever be friends, but even if you want to kill me and Pinkie I'd put some thought into what would happen to you if you did. Most likely lunar banishment. So you might want to think about Derpy before you pull a stunt like that. Sorry for everything, hope we can at least be civil._

_Sincerely, Lyra Heartstrings."_

I cringed a bit at the note, crumbling it up and letting it drop to the floor. The money substitute looked legitimate enough, the complicated patterns and numbers definitely resembling money. I shrugged and flicked it onto the nightstand, the door opening once more to let Derpy in.

"Did everything go as planned Isaac?"

"Yeah… it should be alright. At least for now that is." She squeed and hopped on the bed, curling up into a little ball against my side and wrapping her tail about my arm. She looked so happy and content, her little breaths still focused on absorbing more and more of my smell.

"Isaac?"

"Yeah Derpy?"

"Will you come stay with me while you heal? It was… really nice having somepony to keep me company. Especially you."

"Are you sure that's the ONLY reason you want me to live with you?"

"Maybe not… I just… I just feel so warm around you. Like being wrapped in a big toasty blanky and just rolling around on a cloud! You make me feel all… light inside." She said, nuzzling into my bruised side painfully.

"Also when we cuddled… I really liked it. I really… wanna do it again." She whispered, not with a sultry tone, but more of a childish tone. A child begging for a parent's embrace. I smiled at her absolute cuteness, my brain working for a solution. Of course it was obvious I wanted to stay, even more so I wanted to live with Derpy. So, I say fuck it. As long as I never do the last 3 mares I'll set to stay here. If god wants to protest that, I'm Derpy will be worth it. Hopefully.

"I think I can bring myself to stay with you… although no more battery acid juice."

"Done~." She whispered, resting her head to lay against my belly.

That was a year ago now. I've fully recovered since then, even moved in with Derpy. It's been hard to adjust to being on my own, having to get a job at the sofa and quills store and having to spend far too much money on new clothes. But Derpy and I still lived rather happily together, but of course we never EVER got any further than holding each other at bed time. She'd go ape shit if I wasn't there anyway, always having at least one limb resting on my body to make sure I didn't leave the bed at night. I didn't hear much from the mane 6, if I ever encountered any of them I simply nod and move on my way. There wasn't really any unessacary action to be taken, what was done was done. To get angry and try and hurt somepony would only get me jailed. I'm lucky I haven't heard from God in a while, the cheeky bastard only chiming in every once in a while to nudge Derpy closer in the bed. Although if she COULD get any closer she'd have to literally crawl into me.

That aside, we were out on our day off today. Both of us were sitting on the edge of the swimming hole, soaking in some rays and swimming intermittently. I sat in the water, half submerged on the shore with Derpy at my side. She was leaning into me, letting my put an arm round her to hold her gently. She had lifted her wings and clasped It on my arm, one of her many ways of securing her to me for easier snugglage. Finally, after so long of being in Equestria, I felt a wave of peace flow over me. Something you can't really feel on Earth, where things always happen to go wrong and yell at you when they do. Here, my troubles were so trivial, so easy and even if they weren't they were always worth doing. Knowing I'd at least have a happy, snuggly Derpy to come home to. So, I let out a content sigh, leaning back a bit in the water as Derpy readjusted to push me to my back and bury her face in my neck. And all… was good.

_**Author's notes: To clear any confusion, this IS a story with two endings. Just pick the one you like better and there you go. Thanks for reading, the official winner for the bonus pony… PRINCESS MOLESTIA! YAY!**_


	9. Molested

Another morning in Equestria, with a certain clingy grey Pegasus clamped to my face. It used to be she'd just mind her own business and stay satisfied with my chest, now Derpy HAS to be on my face. Of course she's oriented so her snoot's still to my chest, but even if she falls asleep on my body, she'll eventually move up there on her own. It wakes me up every once in a while, feeling like I'm suffocating under a warm fuzzy blanket that can't take a hint. It's even worse when I need to get up for whatever reason, like I said, she CANNOT let go. This morning I didn't have to pee, but she was still clasped to my face. Her tail swished about happily, all her little legs round my cranium with nose under my chin. Since she's basically a small horse, it's an immobilizing gesture. I can wiggle out of it, but she'll begin to FREAK. Squirming around until she gets a whiff of me… or bashes her head on something harder than a pillow. Or wake up on her own. Most mornings I wake up before her and just remove her politely and place her in front of me in the bed. Of course she'll just spring forward like a bear trap and begin huffing on me. In short, if I was a pile of cocaine, Derpy would be bathing in me while huffing me through two straws jammed up her nose. Probably trying to eat it too. Another thing I had taken the liberty of doing while I was in Equestria, was getting a few tattoos. The first one was incredibly painful, I had my whole left shoulder blacked out to make Luna's cutie mark. It's huge, black and probably the coolest thing ever. The other 2 were on my left arm, one of Derpy on a cloud and one of a small filly with a dagger. A small banner under it read "All love, no tolerance". She was starting to suffocate me, her belly puffing up to cover my mouth. So I removed her, sliding her under the covers and turning her over to face me. Of course, like a piece of metal to an MRI machine, she stuck right to me and began her sniffing.

"Eeyup…. This is the life." I slumped against my pillow, no morning sun to speak of. Thank god it was Saturday, and thank god it was the dead of winter. Summers in Equestria are mercilessly hot, while the winters seem to keep it constantly buried in snow. It was snowing outside, and I love snow. More than all of summer. At least with snow you can just shut the god damn door and keep it out. Derpy stirred a bit, yawning and squeaking in her sleep. Critical time here, sometimes she wakes up and we get on with our day. Sometimes she just crawls up my face again. But today she thankfully content to flit her eyes open, smiling at the sight of me.

"Morning Isaac." She cooed, rubbing the arm she had clasped to with a gentle hoof.

"Mornin Derpy. Sleep well?"

"With you I always sleep better." She squeaked, sticking out her tiny pink tongue to start licking my chest. Another weird thing she likes to do now, the licking. I have no idea if it's a pony thing or just her, but sometimes instead of nuzzling she'll just start licking. Her tongue's way bigger than mine, something about pony anatomy I guess, but she doesn't ever stop until either tongue is sore, or I get tired of it and push her off. Unless she's feeling fruity and wants to start a licking contest. Which inevitably, she will always win by a landslide. She continued to lick on my chest, squeaking and snorting as she did. I didn't really mind, it doesn't really do any harm… as long as she knows when she needs to stop. I don't really have a choice whether or not I go to work some mornings. Since it's Saturday and neither of us really have any obligations, I could let it slide until her tongue got sore. She was more than happy oblige, smiling and running her tongue in short little stokes across my chest and swishing her tail back and forth.

"Hey Derpy?"

"Hm?"

"Why do you lick me?"

"Don't you like it when I lick you?" She asked, still licking me.

"It's just… kinda weird how long you like to do it."

"It's really fun! You're smooth and easy to lick!" She explained running a hoof up and down my chest lovingly.

"Also… I um… really like licking you."

"Fair enough, but may I ask why?"

"I…er… it makes me feel… all fuzzy inside."

"Fuzzy?"

"Like… like I'm flying and getting hugged by you at the same time. I like the feeling a lot and… it just gets better when I do it… I can stop if you want."

"No, no… it's fine. Carry on then." She squeed and went right back to it, picking up her pace and essentially slobbering all over my torso. I let her do this for at the least a half hour, eventually her pace slowing to a halt.

"Ah… ore ongue." She mouthed, her tongue hanging out lazily.

"I needed to get up anyway." I said, sitting up in the bed. My whole chest was slick with her spittle, but even that wouldn't stop her. She hopped onto my back and let her chin rest on my shoulder.

"Onwards Stallion boy!" She said, tapping my belly with her lower hoof.

"Heh heh… alright fine." I said, standing up and holding the back of her thighs. She wiggled against me, giggling and flapping her wings. I carried her down the stairs, her weight more than I really expected. She wasn't too bad, a hundred and some pounds. She wiggled more and more, pressing into my bare back with her velvety fur. At last I reached the table, pulling her a chair and myself another. Why I do this anymore is kind of a mystery. She's always more comfortable in my lap anyways. That, or she refuses to sit in a chair at all. So she flapped up into the air, coming back down into my lap and bashing her large head into my sticky chest.

"Ick… you really wanna do that?"

"Of course! You're so snuggly Isaac!" She giggled, her tail wrapping round my leg.

"How am I supposed to make breaky?"

"When I finish my snuggles." She snorted, her nose against my abs. Before she could really get into her usual morning snuggles, a series of sharp knocks rang out form the door.

"Who the hell could that be?"

"Answer the door silly, figure out." I shrugged and pulled her off, getting up and opening the door.

"Princess Twilight?" She stood at the door, her chariot in the background.

"Hello Isaac. Long time no see!" She said, rather happy with herself. I always kept a sword by the door, not really wanting any chances that could end in a repeat. I gripped it, Twilight still being on my watch list.

"Yeah… what do you want?" I was still pretty cold with other mares, any that weren't the mane 6 still giving me odd, sultry looks.

"Just came to personally deliver this note, hope you can consider." She levitated a small scroll into my chest. I grabbed it, her blush building a across her face.

"Well um… hope you can um…er… show up Isaac." She looked to my chest, putting a hoof to her mouth. It was still a little shiny from Derpy's spittle, my only other article of clothing I had on hand my loose black sleep pants.

"Thanks… keep your eyes to yourself." I closed the door before she could respond, turning back to Derpy.

"Got a letter?"

"Apparently it's some sort of invitation." I said, sitting back on my chair. Derpy had since moved up to the table, laying on her back and wiggling her arms to make me scratch her belly. Of course I started scratching her belly, opening the scroll with a free hand and some teeth. The scroll unraveled to reveal a small paragraph, writing in elegant cursive.

"_Dear Isaac the Human,_

_The royal order of Equestria cordially invites you to attend the winter time grand galloping gala. Your train will be at its respective station two days from when you get this scroll at 10 AM sharp. Please attend dressed. Or not, I haven't a preference. Please do bring your marefriend Derpy Hooves, as she is a good acquaintance with my sister Luna. _

_Your Princess, Celestia."_

"What is it snuggle box?"

"Oh we've been invited to some winter gala."

"THE WINTER GALLOPING GALA?!" She squealed, bursting up into the air and zipping about the place.

"OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHYESYESYESYESYESYE SYES!" She flew about in a shaky circle, eventually hitting me directly in the chest.

"UGH!"

"ISAAC! WE HAVE TO GO! WE GOTTA!"

"ALRIGHT ALRIGHT! Stop jumping on me!" I coughed, Derpy hopping up and down on me and squeaking more.

"YAAAAAAY! ISAAC IT'LL BE SO FUN!" She and I hugged, sealing the deal. I mean, or course it was after 2 days of waiting but Derpy never stopped being excited. She did everything twice as fast as necessary. She bumped into me every other hour, flying around checking again and again that everything was set for our train ride to Canterlot. Her dress was ready, my suit was ready, our tickets were in the note, but she still flipped if anything was even slightly out of place. At night it wasn't so bad though, she'd fall asleep relatively quickly as always. But she'd squirm a lot more and her wings would often pop up in her sleep. I just ignored it all I could, losing too much sleep than I'd like to admit. She'd warm up faster too, making the bed more like a humid, cushiony mess than a soft, Derpy filled place. But finally the morning came and we were out the door by 9 am. I had my tux and Derpy her grey and yellow dress, and the snow was up to my ankles. By now, the ponies of Ponyville knew about me and knew which mare I belonged to. So there was never too much concern of random rape. Although it IS fair to point out that mares should never stare at something that long. Especially me. But we were able to get on the train no problem, the conductor thankfully being a stallion. It was a warm colored, heated cart with large seats, allowing Derpy to just lay herself down with enough room to let her rest her head on my lap. But she pulled a Pinkie and wouldn't stay still. She bounced about on the seat, sitting, then laying down, then holding me and just generally being a nuisance.

"Aren't you excited Isaac?! You look so good in your suit! Oh I can't believe the Princess invited us herself! We HAVE to have a snowball fight when we get there!" She squeed, nuzzling me on and off. I simply just let her do what she wanted, not wanting to cause more of a ruckus or burst her incredibly cute Derpyness bubble. It was still a bit dark outside, the light of the cart illuminating the ride to the castle. It was a thankfully short ride, Derpy getting bouncier and bouncier as we approached. Just as she seemed at the brink of bloody explosion, the train screeched to a halt. She fell forward into the wall in front of us, me only jolting forward slightly.

"You alright Derpy?"

"BETTER THAN!" She squealed, hopping up back into my lap and nuzzling me under the chin.

"All pony passengers please watch your step! All human passengers please follow your escort!"

"Escort? Are you my escort?"

"Uhhh… not that I know." Derpy was just as confused as I was, both of us making our way up the multiple carts only to be stopped by the conductor at the very last one.

"Human I'm going to have to ask you to stay with your escorts for the duration of the fest."

"Escorts? Why do I have escorts?"

"Confidential royal affairs sir, even the escorts don't know. Please, just move along." He seemed a bit scared and rushed, like he knew I was to bring some sort of omen onto his train. Unsure, I stepped out with Derpy anyway. Snow continued to fall, building up a little on my shoulders in the pale morning light. 2 armed guards stood before us, carting a sign between them reading "Isaac".

"You two my um… "escorts"?"

"Isaac Sinclair?"

"Wait… how'd you know my last name?"

"It's him." One guard said, nodding to the other.

"Come with us, keep quiet and don't touch anything." One said, poking me with a sharp spear in one side.

"Hey! Don't poke my stallion like that!" Derpy clasped to my leg, holding her face to my leg.

"Would you be a… Ms. Hooves?"

"Yes. And you are NOT poking MY stallion like that!"

"Stallion?"

"You're required as well. Please just follow us and stay calm." He was getting fed up by now, having to stand in the freezing cold and wrangle a non compliant Derpy. She stayed clamped to my leg, making me have to drag it as I followed the two guards. The led us, I swear to you, along the longest, hardest route possible. Going around half the castle and into a small hallway. The guards watched me like a hawk, albeit a very scared hawk. If they didn't know WHY I was being escorted, it was safe to assume they thought I was pretty dangerous. I'd be reacting the same way if a giant ape twice as tall as me dropped in I must admit. Eventually we found ourselves in an extremely small room, barely twelve by twelve with motley furniture on one side and a roaring fire on the other.

"Wait here, the princesses are wishing to discuss something with you."

"Uuuuuh… I can keep Derpy?"

"Yes, but we don't know how long that will last exactly."

"Do you guys know anything?"

"We know about as much as YOU do sir."

"Enjoy your stay." They said, closing a door and leaving me and Derpy with the 4 chairs. I nervously sat down in one of the thick chairs, Derpy nervously clinging to my neck.

"They won't take you away will they?" She squeaked, the fire the only source of illumination in the room.

"I wouldn't think… I've already been here for a year. Twilight knows." I wasn't sure, and my shivering against her wasn't exactly the right medicine for the moment. She gripped a bit tighter, scooting so her mane was flush with the bottom of my head. I'm not THAT dumb, basing my knowledge solely on the scroll we received alone it was painfully obvious the proper name for the god of the sun in this case wasn't exactly CELestia.

"Isaac… I'm scared."

"Scared? What's there to be scared of Derpy?"

"What if they take you away? How will I get you back? I'm not so good at finding things." She whispered, putting the bottom of her head against my chest and peering up to me with her unfocused eyes.

"Oh come on Derpy, that's nothing to worry about. I'm sure it's just an introductory meeting or something like that."

"Huh?"

"You'll see what I mean when they come in." She puffed her chest up, taking a long breath as she slowly let it out in my face. Her dress covered her lower body, the arms capped with little shoes and her head a little mail mare hat. She was pretty cute, but not exactly easy to hold on to on account of the smooth fabric. Finally the door opened once more, letting Luna, Molestia and Twilight into the room. They all took their respective seats across from us, Derpy turning to give them her full attention. Luna stared with wide eyes at me, Molestia herself scanning up and down on me.

"Isaac, I'm sure you know the princesses?" Twilight asked, seating herself in the chair closest to us.

"I'm… aware yes." I said nervously, Molestia's intrigue with me only furthering the boiling fear in my chest. She smiled to me, reassuring, but somehow still frightening in her questionable motives.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Mr. Sinclair." Celestia stated quietly my look of pure bewilderment meet Luna's.

"Wait, I though his name was Isaac." Questioned Luna, turning to Molestia."

"Humans have this really confusing system where everyone of them has like 3 names." She stated, licking her lips and staring me down. I gripped Derpy a bit tighter, her little legs still wrapped loosely round me. She kept her gaze to Luna, both of them exchanging a smile warmly.

"Derpy, it's so nice to see thou yet again."

"Hi Luna! Have you met my stallion yet?"

"Oh, he's YOUR stallion?" She questioned, smiling to me.

"As HE made the decision? Or was it mutual?"

"Mutual… wouldn't be the-"

"I call him that! He says it keeps mare from wrapping him!"

"Wrapping?" Luna's face turned hilariously confused, Molestia's ears perking up as Twilight began to blush.

"H-how would they… "wrap" him?"

"Use all the detail you can, I MUST write this down sometime." Molestia squeed, her eyes widening as she scooted closer in her chair. I jolted back into my own chair, pulling Derpy off her butt against me.

"What's the matter Sinclair? Scared of your princess?" Molestia giggled, grinning deviously.

"H-how do you know my last name?" I stammered, Molestia resting back in her chair. Luna cleared her throat, still not looking entirely satisfied with my presence.

"We have a… "thing", claiming to know you."

"Thing?"

"Best you see it… it said you knew it." Luna used her magic to open the door behind her, letting in a large, furry, multicolored abomination. The mousy thing stood next to Celestia, sporting the same suit as I and smiling as a paw found a place to rest on the chair. Derpy took one look at him and buried her face in my chest, spooked by his odd appearance.

"EEEK! A MONSTER!" I stood up from the seat, taking a step back and grabbing the fire poker and pointing it viciously at him.

"Sup Isaac?"

"You're… you're kidding me right?"

"Hardly faggot."

"Be calm Sinclair… this is a peaceful meeting."

"Yeah, yeah I'll believe this fucker when I'm dead." I said, pointing still at the mouse thingy.

"Isaac I'm not sure exactly how you two know each other, but violence shouldn't be your first response!" Twilight piped in, using her magic to rip the poker from me. Derpy still clung to me like a crazy magnet, not looking at God.

"Yes Isaac, so why don't you have a seat, discuss some things and you and me can be buds?" He said, patting the seat I once occupied.

"No… no. This. Is. Too far… I'm done. I'm taking my Derpy home and this will NOT happen." I turned to leave, their voices trailing.

"Isaac… it's only going to get worse for you if you don't hear my offer."

"I'm done. I'm not putting up with your shit anymore." I said, throwing up my hands and heading down the long hallway the guards led us down on the way in.

"Before you go… let me ask you something."

"Nnnnnnooooo." I exaggerated, the door almost closed before I was poked in the neck by two barbed spears. The guards from before stood before me, jabbing me to make me move back.

"No leaving until something resolved. Those were the orders."

"Never got that memo."

"Here it is." The guard said, only pushing harder. I swore I felt a bead of blood leak down my neck, Derpy looking up to me with her begging face.

"Do it Isaac… don't let them hurt you." She said, nuzzling me still.

"Fine… but you two be on standby in case something goes down."

"We aren't allowed to spear the princesses. Only you."

"Hm, then give me your word it'll be quick."

"Isaac!" Derpy gasped, gripping tighter.

"Just a joke." I stated blankly, turning to open the door. Derpy again covered her face in God's presence, Luna and Twilight at the other door.

"Derpy, if thou would follow us please."

"But… but I wanna stay with Isaac."

"Tis secret matters for discussion here… not a mortal is allowed while the meeting is in session." Derpy turned to me, almost tearing up as she searched my face for answers. I sighed and ran my fingers through her mane, peeling her off and setting her on the floor. She struggled a lot, trying to keep a hold on me. Of course I'm much stronger than her, being literally twice her size. I put my hands to her shoulders, trying to calm her with some more uncertain words.

"Go with them Derpy, nothing bad is going to happen to me I promise."

"B-but Isaac… I don't want you stuck with the mon-"

"Shhhh… it's okay Derpy. I'm gonna be fine. You just… go on and enjoy your gala."

"Isaac there's something you're not telling me!" She whisper yelled, my shaking, cold hands probably a dead give a way. I bit my lip and took a long, tense breath, patting her shoulders.

"I wouldn't tell you if I wasn't absolutely sure Derpy. I promise I'll be alright."

"But… you were threatening it with a pokey thing. Please just tell me the truth Isaac!" I shifted my eyes back and forth, my own uncertainty painfully obvious.

"Okay, the truth is I have no idea what's going to happen. I might be fine, I might get AIDs."

"AIDs? Why would you need any other aid than me?"

"Not THAT kind of aids! Just listen… it doesn't matter okay? I promise I'll come out okay and be there to have a good time at the gala with you." She locked both eyes on me for the first time ever, sighing after about a second.

"Promise?"

"Promise." She seemed to calm down a bit, showing it by throwing her arms round my neck and planting her lips on mine. We had definitely never kissed, that being outside my usual "when to touch and when not to touch Isaac" rules we had put down when we started living together. The only reason I shared a bed with her is that she'd go ape shit in the bed when I wouldn't, of course she makes plenty of noise and wakes up in these instances. So I bite my knuckle and bare it… not saying it isn't awesome. Anyways, she held onto my neck gently, nibbling on my lower lip. She tasted rather good actually, not purely like spit but surprisingly minty. She always brushed her teeth, but we never kissed anyway. Instead of pulling my usual comedic freak out motion, all I could find the heart to do was pat the back of her neck, closing my eyes as she pulled back. Satisfied she took a breath, a small bit of spittle hanging from her lips.

"Okay… I think I can believe you now."

"That proved something to you?"

"It proved you love me enough not to lie." She whispered, giving a tiny smile and an even smaller squeak. I smiled back, tussling her mane and standing up.

"See you later Derpy." She nuzzled my shin, turning to follow Luna and Twilight out the door. She looked back over her shoulder one more time, confirming my lie as I waved back with a smile. The door closed, my face turning deathly serious to address the princess and fuzzy fuck ball.

"Alright what's the issue fuck face?"

"Isaac, Isaac, there's no need for such harsh words. We just want to help you with something that has been slowly killing you for the last year." God said as a clever smile cracked his ugly face."

"Pardon?"

"You see Isaac, there's a reason humans don't exist in Equestria."

"Yeah, cuz it's not real. Lauren Faust just made this shit up." Celestia giggled, my ignorance amusing her.

"No, no, no stupid. Magic."

"Magic?"

"Magic."

"Yeah… what about it?"

"Magic is like Alpha radiation to humans. Because humans have no way to resist magic, most humans I bring here die within days."

"W-wait… YOU bring humans here?" I said, suddenly feeling deathly sick to my stomach.

"Of course! It's now illegal to abduct stallions for my own pleasure thanks to Luna's return, so I made a deal with your god to bring me unsuspecting human males. Of course they're dead within a week, but it earns him lots of nudes."

"That it does." He said after her, looking through his wallet. My face went pale, my knees shaking under me. I'm no radiation scientist thingy, but alpha radiation sounds pretty harsh. I slumped into a chair, wide eyed and jaw agape.

"Then… then how am I still living after a year?"

"Easy, I gave you partial immunity from magic, so it would take 2 years to kill you. By this point you probably have brain cancer at the worst."

"Brain cancer?"

"Mh hm."

"Then… then why am I here?"

"We can fix you… but there's a catch."

"I have to fuck the princess don't I?"

"A little bit more than that." Celestia said, levitating a small box onto my lap.

"When you complete your task, we can have you fixed so you won't be affected at all by the intense radiation. Fail, and we take that away. Oooooor you COULD just have butt sex with Sweetie Belle and go home. That's always an option!" I opened the small box, the contents making me even more nauseous. A small black thong, knee high socks, elbow length black gloves and a similarly colored blind fold.

"Aw come on… this is just cruel!" Celestia shrugged, throwing a color in my face.

"If you want to live, then buck up champ. It's just for the day." She giggled, looking to god who already had himself a camera.

"Here you are Celestia. Have fun Isaac, I'm out." He stood up, beginning his hilarious waddle to the door."

"Oh what? JUST Celestia? No Lunaughty? No sex obsessed Twilight? How bout Chrysalis to suck the life out of me? HUH?! FUCKING CASUAL!" He opened the door and adjusted his tie, smirking.

"Careful what you wish for Fuck face." With that the door was closed, my frustration quickly replaced with fear as Molestia tackled me into the chair. She wrapped her forehooves round my neck, her nose pressed between my eyes.

"I expect you to be a noisy one."

"Sweet baby Christ."

"Put them on. Less you want some foal butt."

"How am I to this with you on top of me?"

"Magic!" A yellow aura grabbed at my VERY expensive suit, the following popping sound causing them to explode in yellow. After the initial zap had pasted, I looked down to see she had pretty much vaporized my clothes. With those gone my limp member touched to her naked stomach, her eyes narrowing lustfully at me. She lifted herself slightly from me, giving herself just enough room to slide on the embarrassingly gay looking thong over me. She hopped off entirely, throwing the outfit over quite painfully. She stood back and admired her work, squeeing.

"Aaaaaw! Don't you feel cute? I looked over myself, the skimpy outfit tight enough to cut off blood flow. It fit alright, but it reeked of other users.

"H-have you ever washed this?"

"No, that wouldn't make it special would it?" She smiled evilly, grabbing up the collar in her magic and placing it in my grasp.

"Go on then, clip it on Sinclair."

"That's not my name."

"Would you rather be "pet"?"

"No. Not at all."

"I like "pet" better anyhow. Now clip it on, we don't have all day!" Defeated, I slowly slid it on. Adjusting it so It didn't strangle me, she immediately had it in her magic yanking me to her.

"ACK!"

"Perfect! Now we can really get things started up!"

"It can go without the yanking thanks!"

"Hmmmmm… no." She tugged twice, turning away from me. She wiggled her butt a bit, then trotting slowly to the door.

"Wait! Where does that door go?" I said, pulling on the collar as well.

"Oh just out to the main ball room… is there a problem?"

"Uh YES! Why would you want to do that?!"

"Because! Humiliation is part of my fetish!" She squeed, opening the door with her magic and dragging me by my collar. My stiffened feet squeaked against the smooth floor, my hands grabbing the leather chair for dear life.

"Oh YES. I love a fighter!" She yanked harder, pulling the chair over and sending me to the floor. Dazed, she continued pulling. Before I could even realize I could feel a rash burning onto my back, the smooth floor pulling painfully on me.

"Ow! OW! STOP!"

"Oh that's right! We forgot the lube!" She levitated a small plastic bottle over me, pouring its contents over my torso.

"Roll around a bit, you'll slide real good."

"What is this crap?" I tried to stand, being yanked back down to my knees as the clear liquid dripped down me and on the floor.

"Twilight juice! It's my FAVORITE lube!" She levitated me the bottle, a picture of a smiley Twilight glued on.

"OH. Oh that's horrible!"

"Maybe, but it's OH SO slippery!" She squealed, pulling on my neck. Like she predicted, I started sliding along the floor thanks to the lube. The more I struggled the more I slipped and made noise, her giggles filling the hall. Some well dressed ponies already passed us, their faces matching mine in absolute shock. They wouldn't even stop to gasp, the couples would just bolt at the sight.

"Okay, this really isn't funny anymore!"

"Maybe to you!" She pulled me along the floor, yanking downwards when I attempted to stand. She must've poured an immense amount of liquid on me, the sliding and slipping as If I was standing on a slip and slide back home. Eventually we approached a room filled with tables and chatting ponies, Celestia stopping on the edge of it. Seeing this, I pulled back on the collar as hard as I could. Trying feverishly to pull it from her and run off. Some ponies already got a view of what the princess was doing, a deathly silence spreading through the room.

"Morning party goers! Welcome to the winter gala! I, on behalf of the royal order, wish you very merry hearths warming eve and a hope you have a wonderful party time!" No voice even coughed at the sight of her, the immense confusion in the crowd thick enough to taste.

"What's that thing?"

"Is that a monkey?"

"You gonna share that thing?" She giggled, taking a step into the ball room. Freaking out, I started skittering towards the door in a vain attempt to get away. Of course she just yanked and flopped me on my back. By now, to struggle would just amuse her, so I simply let her drag me though the room. Arms crossed and face pouting, she squeaked me through the room. All the guests watched me as I squeaked by, some stifling laughter and others gaping at the mouth. We actually passed by Luna and Derpy's table, Derpy getting down to follow me.

"ISAAC!"

"Hey Derpy."

"What happened to you?! I thought you said you were going to be alright!"

"Oh no I'm just fine. Nothing went wrong."

"Isaac, you're in your undies and being dragged by the princess through the ball room."

"Honestly, better than I expected."

"Isaac!"

"Seriously!"

"What are you even doing wearing a collar anyway?!"

"Some ponies are just sick like that I guess." She bit on my arm sock, pulling back on me.

"Derpy the more we struggle the worse she'll make it for us."

"Nooooo!" She squealed, sounding like a kid on Xbox live.

"I don't want her to hurt you!"

"Oh she won't hurt me… hopefully."

"ISAAC!" The entire ballroom was focused on her, her voice being the only one in the room above a whisper. Celestia actually came to a stop, looking over her shoulder.

"Hello Derpy! You want in?"

"Let my stud muffin go!"

"Hee hee! Stud muffin?" She giggled, making Derpy even angrier.

"Let him go! This is… is… MEAN!" She squealed even more, huffing and puffing in rage. Luna came down from her table and very hurriedly took a spot next to her sister, whispering just loud enough for me and Derpy to hear.

"Must you ALWAYS do this during the Gala?"

"Whatever could you mean lovely sister?"

"This isn't called for! He has a mare and you're ruining her good time!"

"No I'm not, she can join in if she wants!"

"Sister! Have you any idea how clingy that mare is?!"

"I'll figure it out, right now I have my man on the end of leash. So if you'll EXCUUUUUUUSE ME princess, I'd like to get this fuck train out of the station!" She huffed, pulling on my neck roughly.

"ACK! Again!" Derpy lunged forward and grabbed onto my stomach, squealing.

"NOOOOOOOO!" Luna groaned, pulling her off with her magic and suspending her in her magic hold.

"Derpy please, you're making a scene." Derpy struggled and squeaked in the air, kicking her limbs in all directions to try and get me.

"But she's gonna hurt him!"

"I promise she won't, I'll see that she doesn't." She sighed, unsure of what to do. But never the less she approached me and whispered in my ear.

"Have you any plan Sinclair?"

"Close my eyes and bite my knuckle."

"You seem rather confident."

"Blind bravery isn't confidence."

"True… but do be quick Sinclair, I fear even magic is an obstacle Derpy will hurtle for thou."

"Tell her I'll be okay, assure her that I said that… and that I love her." Luna smiled a bit, blushing slightly.

"That's sweet of you human."

"Just promise me you and I can play some TF2 later."

"T-F-2?"

"PROMISE."

"Ugh, we'll play some… TF2 later."

"Sweet."

"Nice tats by the way."

"Make haste to the Derpy. She's a bit clingy." With that she nodded, stepping back and comforting Derpy. For a few seconds Derpy continued to struggle, growling and squeaking. Until Luna said something to her, something I could only see in her lips as the "L" sound. But as soon as the "L" movement left her lips, Derpy stopped dead in her tracks and started blushing. A huge smile creeped across her face, her tail starting to wag as she was lowered to the ground. She stood there and waved a hoof, still blushing brightly beyond her fur. I gave her a reassuring smile, waved back and avoided bashing my head on Pinkie and Lyra's table.

"Whoa… this is a low point in your life isn't it?"

"Lyra hush." Finally we reached the safety of the other side of the ball room, Celestia opening a door to reveal a flight of curving stairs.

"Up pet."

"Oh that's just too kind of you sun butt." I grumbled, unsteadily rising to my feet. She tugged me to her, almost forcing me to the ground… or her butt. But I was able to keep on my feet, her hooves finding the first few steps. I met the platform that was even with the stair case, seeing that the spiraling stairs went down as well as up. She turned about though, blocking my path upwards and facing me with a shit eater grin.

"Are you gonna let me up or what?"

"Up? My room's below us."

"Well then… tally-" Before I could finish she gave me a push, sending my slippery body down the flight of stairs.

"AH-OH-EEK-BLEH-BUR-GAH-BABA-UGH!" I fell face first to the bottom of the stairs, Celestia teleporting there to beat me to it.

"Cooooool!" She giggled, looking down on my bruised and battered body.

"Ugh… you're a fucking horrible princess."

"The "fucking" part is damn right son." I groaned and she pulled me forward into a long hallway, the sheer narrowness of the hall seeming to only close in as we approached her door. It was the largest door in the hall, a double door of wood and gold inlays. It was ornately decorated, swirls of gold and ebony mixing with the dark wood to replicate the tides of night and day. The handles were of gold on the left and moonstone with ebony on the right, another call back to the night and day theme. She didn't allow me to get a good enough view however, rushing me through the door into her uncomfortably small room. The ceiling was forebodingly low, bumping the top of my head with a small fire going in the fire place on the opposite end of the room. The bed was...unconventional to say the least. Seeing how it was similar to a doggy bed in the middle of the room. It sat flush with the floor, small pillows and thick blankets resting atop of it. It was rather smart actually, she could have her desk in the usual spot for the bed and still have some room to move about. While I was admiring this she crept up behind me and pushed me onto my stomach. I thwumped in her bed, landing on some freakishly soft blankets.

"Oh yes! You're so precious looking when you're all fearful like that!" She squeed, bouncing like a little girl. I was still uncomfortably sticky of from all the lube, the drying of it bringing her to throw the bottle at me.

"Might wanna put on a fresh coat, less you wanna smell like Twilight's-"

"No, no… I-I think I get what you're bitching." I poured some on my hand, the clear liquid oddly soupy for it being… bodily fluids. Not wanting to be all sticky or reek of horse vagina, I began the smearing of the stuff.

"Oh god… it's so fucking thick!"

"Yeah… that's good stuff." Molestia whispered, approaching me slowly and taking in the smell that pervaded me. I crawled away from her slightly, her snoot coming faster than I was moving to touch to my nose. Her broad tongue came out to lap up my nose, her giggles following my fearful blush.

"Heh heh… nervous?"

"Afraid."

"Of what? Getting to pork a princess?"

"Being raped."

"Oh no need to fear Isaac… I'll make sure I enjoy it."

"Not… comforting in the slightest no."

"It's not rape if you like it." She whispered, now pushing me onto my back as her wings went KAPOW. She then plopped on me, like a big tired dog. She squirmed against my wet body and moaned softly, my bulge (which you can't help when you're in a thong of any sort. Trust me I know) pressed into her nubblies as she gyrated against me. She looked down on me and licked her lips, my nervous look amusing her to no end.

"You know I always like to watch my stallions squirm before I get to the big event?"

"You know I'm about to puke all over you right now?" She stifled a giggled and covered my eyes with the black clothed she had stashed in her no guess what it could possibly be called. She tied it round my head and did the same with my mouth, standing over me. Possibly in the state of a mental collapse, I simply let her do what she wanted. I knew I was going to get back to my derpy soon after this, soon I could simply rest my head upon that soft mare's shoulder and simply let myself fall flat on my ass.

I think I need to take a second to explain something, so bare with my philosophical ass… or skip this paragraph entirely the fucks I give are off the charts.

I just wanna rest my head on her shoulder and let myself fall flat on my ass before her. Just to see her look down on me and smile, just to see that semi circle crack her soft, baby like features and make it all worth it. My excuse for not murdering, the fact I get to embrace the presence of something so severely calming it's almost holy. It's a girl's TV show character that only ever had 4 or 5 lines of dialogue in the whole existence of the show… but in this circumstance she's only taken a turn for the best. I get to go on now knowing that she truly has that feeling of bubbling in the stomach and the pounding in your chest. It's not love… Love is a bit of an overused term. It can only be described as… maternal. The fact that I feel the flesh burning urge to care and comfort this creature, is only heightened at the thought she is willing to except. Heightened to the point beyond a sex partner or a fuck buddy. Yeah, because to truly love something is to defile it with such actions. Defile it. No. Better. Term. So, in such an instance where I find myself about to be defiled the only thing I can find myself to do… is to wear a sheepish grin and inhale sharply as the princess buries her snoot in my goodies. Because it doesn't matter. It couldn't possibly matter any less, but only to the extent of my indifference. There's a lot of things I don't quite understand, like why every brony thinks S3 is nothing but… pandering, why everyone wants to put their genitals though a ban saw at the sight of Equestria girls, why the jersey shore can be popular but no sane person can even guess what the god father is about. But I have a new understanding. I now understand what exactly this "love" phenomena is to me. Not the need to fuck, not the need to nurture, not the need to be around. But the need to be secure in the knowledge of the other's delight. By any means possible. Or impossible. Depends who you ask in all truthfulness.

"You like?" She squeaked, pulling down my thong slowly and giving me a lick.

"Heh heh… no." I chuckled a bit, thoughts still filled with them Derpy eyes and clingy attitude.

"Hm, good." She stated dryly, going about her licking and sucking. She eventually began to bob her head on my stupidly erecting member, staying in her rather slow pace. The mouth gag on me didn't cover much, it was just enough to restrict complicated speech. So she still had a view of my creepily stagnant smile. Eventually she stopped entirely, the sound of her rump plopping into the soft fabric.

"I'm… I can't feel it in you anymore."

"Hm?"

"You're not… resistant enough… just killing my mood." She sighed, peeling off my blindfold and gag slowly with her magic.

"Hm, I hath beaten thou at her own game."

"I've NEVER seen a human male so… uncaring and… unwilling about sex. You… you defy logic."

"I wouldn't quite put it that way. But does this mean you're letting me go and fixing me?" She shifted back and forth quite uneasily, searching for the words.

"I… I don't wanna rape you necessarily."

"Necessarily?"

"You're too damn distracted! You… you somehow BLOCK all the… anger and frustration-"

"Point?"

"Ugh… go home. You'll be fixed before you get out the door… but promise you'll come back." I started sitting up, a yellow aura surrounding me and removing all hints of stickiness and bruises.

"Come back?"

"Not as a potential rape victim… but as… you know… "

"Not sure I'm getting it."

"You seem like a guy with his head screwed on alright… maybe… maybe you can help me… see a better way to feel special."

"Me? You want ME- a hideous ape thing – to help you stop molesting people?" I said, pointing to her in disbelief.

"Isaac. You're an alright guy! I've been watching you and Derpy for the past year and… honestly I'm impressed.

"You've been wa-"

"Most humans are so… anxious to rut things. Ponies, humans, griffons- I never got it. But I thought it was… kinda raunchy to make it happen… oh gosh I feel just... just…" She huffed and puffed, eventually taking a breath to regain herself. She used her magic to plaster my clothes back onto me, putting a hoof to my chest before I could stand up.

"Promise." I let out a long sigh, being a little confused and… honestly horrified at some of the implications of her rant.

"Alright fine… I'll teach you to be a hard ass like me."

"You know Cadence right?"

"Yeah. I'm aware she exists."

"You have to ask her sometime, but she can detect the purity of love in a living being."

"Magic?"

"Very much so… and when we began our watch of you… at first we watched it dwindle and dwindle. Slowly turning into a vicious hate for the ponies. It was fun really, watching the colors go from bright pink to a searing black!" She smiled, still holding me on my knees with a hoof.

"But then… THEN we saw something else. You see, actually love is really blue. Sexual pink and bodily red and so on."

"Point? Seriously this is getting confusing."

"Let's just say, boy, you were real damn blue for Derpy."

"Not hard really."

"Only when you make it look easy." She took her hoof off my chest, gently setting it down on the mattress.

"Go. Go get your mare and have fun at the gala like you promised Derpy… and one more thing."

"Oh please, humor me." She threw a hug round me, at first making me panic like crazy. But she simply hugged, keeping her still wet hips far away from me. She pushed her nose into my neck, letting out a warm breath into my neck before she let go. She slowly melted into a sideways laying motion, curling up in a little ball and pulling the blanket over herself. I stood up, slowly adjusting my tie and taking a step to the door. Before I opened the door and left, I had something left on my mind I had to spew to her.

"You gonna be alright down here by yourself?"

"I'd like you to stay and cuddle… but we haven't had a lesson yet."

"You doubt yourself too much princess."

"Get out. Get. Out and give Derpy the blue."

"What?"

"Blue is pure love dip shit! I just explained it! Now. Give Derpy the most massive amount of blue right now! I will be at your house sometime for the first lesson, THANK YOU." She pushed me out with her magic, the door slamming behind me. A sharp exhale left my mouth, turning to a chuckle. A chuckle for the glee of not being molested. Then it turned to a sob, a sob knowing I was never getting home and I was to die in this fantasy world of talking girly ponies.

"Just tears ya up don't it?" I looked back over my shoulder to the source of the voice, the small mousy figure instantly recognizable. I couldn't find it in me to give a reaction, simply looking and turning to walk away.

"I'm sorry." Came the voice, my ears having a hard time discerning whether or not I had ingested some powerful drug to induce this nonexistent sound.

"I'm sorry Isaac. This wasn't what this was supposed to be." I stood on the stairs, listening to the small creature and holding back tears.

"I'm gonna make this right."

"Right? What does that word even mean to you?"

"Means… means I'm done playing games." He said, waddling up to me and pulling on my shin.

"I've got one more chance I promise not to fuck it up." I've had it up to my forehead with this little shit, and honestly it seemed that the floor was in dire need of a red splat on the floor. But… I'm a retard.

"What did you have in mind?"

"I'll send you home… and you can keep Derpy. You can just go home, sit on your couch, pet your derpy and NEVER have to go back to this."

"Derpy would be the reminder."

"I'll make it work. I've made this happen, I've gotta clean up MY mess." He said, pulling more and more. I turned to him, taking a seat on the stairs and letting him hop up to be level with my eyes.

"Uuuuugh… okay. Do it."

"She'll be forever attached to you. You'll be the absolute center of her world. I promise."

"What about the Derpy here? What will happen to her?"

"Isaac… she's not real. None of this is real. It's all something I'm making you imagine. With a snap of my paws, you'll be back at the bus stop when we first spoke and nothing would've happened.

"So… I've just been standing there for a whole year?"

"No. You've been standing there all of 10 seconds blacking out." He leaned against me, forlorn and tired looking.

"I can snap my paw fingers and you'll go right back to that moment. You'll have you're derpy… but you have to forgive me."

"Forgive you?"

"Or at least act like you care."

"No."

"Well at least I tried." He put his paw in the air, his thumb and index finger pressed together.

"You up for it Isaac?" Thoughts ran through my destroyed head, the choice… being absolutely fucking obvious.

"Home. I wanna go home with my pony."

"So… it is." He snapped his fingers with a tiny snapping sound, the world around me slowly peeling away like I silent hill. The walls and floor floated upwards, leaving only the blackness below, I stayed at my seat. I watched as it all floated away, eventually leaving me in the absolute blinding blackness.

"ACK!" I fell forward, almost eating a mouthful of gravel on the way down. It was so cold, the ice next to the road cracking as my book bag rolled onto it. I looked up, seeing the pine trees of my home state still looming over. The grey sky still loomed over, the biting wind nibbling at my ear painfully. I picked myself up slowly, the weight of my back pack coming back with a familiar crack of my back. So, having not much else to do, I started forward. Going up the same, laborious hill that I always did. Nothing seemed changed, it still smelled the same, looked the same, felt the same. Nothing glaring back at me. My house crawled over the horizon, the usual dark atmosphere of the empty space filled instead with lights and sound. The TV was on and every light in the house was set to BLARE. So, confused, I opened the sliding door and stepped in. The first sound that hit my ears was rather strange, a young women gasping and then the clopping of hooves against wood floor. Then, a grey blobbed turned the corner, slipping but regaining its speed towards me.

"Daddy!" It squealed, eventually slamming into a hug hold around my shin.

"Daddy! I drew you a picture! Can I show it to you?! Huh, huh, huh, HUH?!"

"Alright, alright! No need to explode there!" I chuckled, derpy pulling off and revealing herself in non-blur fashion. She was significantly younger than I remember, her giant eyes in line with her shorter, scraggly hair. Her voice was squeaker as well, her little wings buzzing like Scootaloo's in the face of my approach. She bounced up and down in front of me, holding her forelegs up to me and squeaking.

"Up! Up!" I barely cracked a smile, picking her up slowly with both hands on her belly. She squirmed in my grip, immediately bringing her little mouth down on my hands. She couldn't have been any bigger than a toy Chihuahua, denser by all means, but not much bigger. She nibbled on my hands and snorted, her little snoot wrinkling in response. I pulled her flush with my chest, her little head working under my jacket and staying.

"it's in our room Daddy! Go!" She kicked her little legs, urging me forward. I smiled and went towards the stairs like she asked, her excitement building as I climbed up them. I took the first door on the left, stopping to see it covered in crude drawings of grey and flesh colored blobs. The entire door was plastered with nothing but childish drawings, all with the squiggly "Derpy Hooves" written in the corner. I opened the door to see my room, cleaner than I've ever seen it, and riddled with little girls toys. I looked to my desk to see it absolutely caked in glitter glue, paint, crayon wax, more glue, muffin crumbs and smeared all over with maker residue. In the middle of it all was a large piece of white paper, covered in different colored blobs with smiley faces.

"There's you and me Daddy!" She squeed, pointing out a tiny grey blob with a line connecting it to a much bigger, flesh colored blob with a black body. Connected by another black line, was a collection of colored blobs, Pink, blue, yellow, orange, purple and white. All with their respective features.

"You like it Daddy?! I made it just for you!" I smiled and laughed more I read over it, the smiley faces just too cute to ignore. Scanning over the corner I could barely make out a bit of text in black crayon.

"_Too Daddie luv DeRpy_."

_**Author's notes: Promised Molestia, don't have enough balls to write a sex scene for her. Heh, heh ya'll got gipped. Also, thanks for reading, it's been SO much fun, thanks for ALL the reviews, support, love and all the bullshit. So, to my fans, I love you guys. But I know you're all guys, so I guess I'll have to go gay.**_


	10. Christmas special

"WAKE UP IT'S CHRISTMAS!"

"AAAAAAAAAH!"

"Isaac get up! It's time to open presents! GETUPGETUPGETUPGETUP!"

"SWEETIE BELLE! It's JULY!"

"What?"

"JEW-LIE! Christmas is 5 months away!"

"Oh… Imma cheer anyway. IT'S CHRISTMAS!"

Merry "Christmas in July" faggots.


End file.
